fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2328 ]

[ SECRET POST #2328 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2328 ⌋

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This is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I don't get why everyone in this thread is calling the girl a bitch and bringing up the societal issues.
...Is it bad to consider someone physically ugly? Is it bad to tell someone else about this?
Sure, I would agree if the girl told this directly to the OP, but it seems that she didn't intend for them to overhear the conversation.

It does suck to hear such a thing, don't get me wrong.

Shit-talking behind someone's back is generally considered a pretty classless thing to do.

Yeah, I understand that, but I wouldn't classify saying that somebody is ugly as "shit-talking"? Unless it is being said in a generally unflattering context.

And... I just... don't know. On the one hand, yes, "shit-talking" is a bad thing. On the other hand, under certain circumstances it is regarded as something perfectly normal. Say, people on f!s sometimes rant about how they hate somebody (their mother, their flatmate, their classmate et c.), and others seem to be sympathetic about it.

I'm a bit clueless.

OP here.

We were in organic chem and they sit a little ways across from me. I didn't overhear the entire conversation, but I honed in on them when I heard my name being mentioned. What I did hear was:

Guy: *whispers something I couldn't hear*
Girl: Oh, Areilla (not a common name, either)? Not at all. I think she's really ugly, actually.

When I turned around she was looking right at me-- until the guy nudged her and she started whispering to him again.

I'm all for acknowledging that people have different tastes in what they consider nice looking, but I think it's terrible that she said such a thing when I was within hearing distance. Frankly, they shouldn't have been talking about me at all.

I personally would never call someone ugly like that. I'd say I didn't find someone attractive, sure, but I'd never say anyone was "ugly". Especially someone I knew IRL. ESPECIALLY if they were anywhere nearby.

It's just a horrible thing to do.

The "Not at all" part makes me think he said something about thinking you were cute, or something to that effect. She tore you down because she felt threatened. I would ignore her, that's the go-to defense for shallow girls.

This. Either way, I'm sorry you heard that, OP. *hugs*

da

My thoughts exactly.

OP, looks like you have a date if you want it! :V

That was really awful of that girl. I agree -- it's one thing to say that you, subjectively, are not into a person's appearance; that's completely valid and nobody owes anybody else physical attraction. But to act like your tastes and preferences are universal and no one could ever find a person attractive just because you don't, is assholish. And "ugly" is a really loaded and powerful term that carries that objective judgment even when qualified with an "I think." She was being an asshole to you, and I'm sorry it happened.

I'm sorry it happened to you, OP :/

But different strokes, I guess. (when it comes to opinions on what is acceptable and what is not)

:( The blame is on them for being so rude. It's human to talk about someone, but it is not proper* to talk about people within hearing distance/the same room for this exact reason.

Sounds like the girl is just thoughtless. She might be a real bitch, or shallow or just socially dumb when it comes to gossiping about classmates. It's really hard to know, but what she's like doesn't really matter. What she said and where she said was stupid and rude.

can you perhaps not sit near them anymore or are their assigned seats? Eitherway, she doesn't deserve to weigh on your mind so much OP. What she said was thoughtless and really not true.

*woah that sounds oldfashioned, but you get me?

I honestly can't think of a context in which calling someone ugly would be anything other than "unflattering." It's saying that they are objectively and inherently undesirable -- to say nothing of the fact that we live in a society that links moral worth and inherent value to physical attractiveness, especially for women. That's a completely different issue than saying you hate someone because of their behavior toward you.

Oh, yeah. I have a family member that I am considering unfriending on FB. All she does is make posts like "Fat people, stop wearing bathing suits in public. No one wants to see that!!" or "Fat people, you'll never be Barbie, stop pretending you're pretty!" And stupid shallow crap like that.

Well, this is very different from simply saying that somebody is ugly (not even publicly, mind you).

OMG.

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-19 00:04 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Ugly. Or something.

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-19 01:44 (UTC) - Expand

There's a flattering way to call someone ugly now? What would that be? "You'd be a FANTASTIC blind-camp counselor!" I think that Cher movie disproved that one as being unhurtful.

it's never going to be flattering, but you can still think someone is both ugly and a great person. suppose you were chatting with a friend about someone else, about how they're unfortunate in the looks department but such a wonderful person that you wish people gave them more of a chance. calling the person ugly isn't flattering, but it doesn't mean the sentiment is meant to be degrading.

Well, maybe it's just me, but I don't know what people get out of saying something or someone is ugly. I find it hard to believe the statement was unprovoked, by competitiveness or something else, because just announcing that you find someone ugly otherwise means you're a) a massive dickhead, b) on the internet, or c) both.

What do people get out of criticizing other people in general? Calling them stupid/assholes/talentless/etc? Most of the time it's just letting out steam, because the person in question annoys them somehow. Or sometimes they are just pissed off about something else and find a different target for their rant.

Yeah, it's not pleasant to hear opinions like that, but it's not something that should be taken seriously.

Well, no. I have a lot of situations in which I'd say that someone is ugly without meaning to be a dick. [although perhaps I still am...?] Say, while considering drawing the person in question. Or while discussing their relationship with somebody else. Or, if they're strikingly unattractive and obviously suffer from it, I may be saying something like "oh, it's such a pity, it must be hard for them to live like this".
Sometimes people whom I find very ugly provoke undesirable emotional reactions in me (like "if I look, they'll think that I think that they're ugly, but if I don't, they'll think that I do it because otherwise they'd think that I think that they're ugly"), and I just try to make the situation OK.

Is it... dickish?

Yeah, I'd bank on the side of "keep that shit to yourself" if you want to be a decent person. You can think it all you want, but why you need to announce that you find someone ugly is beyond me.

My sister actually recoils around people she finds very ugly. Like, visibly recoils. It's the most heartbreaking thing, and it makes me feel disgusted with her, sorry for them, and ashamed that I'm standing near her. :/

Yeah, I agree with the anon above me. Keep it to yourself. When we live in a society that equates physical attractiveness with worth, calling someone 'ugly' is actually a pretty awful thing to do - no matter if they're not around to hear or if you think you're only commenting on their superficial appearance. On top of that, it's subjective as well - and I find people who like talking about how attractive other people are often use that as an objective measure of their worth.

From another perspective, if someone I knew started talking about how 'ugly' someone was as a general descriptor, I would think twice about my association with that person, because to me it would imply a certain fixation on outward appearance quite possibly to the point of shallowness. Not that I think you are shallow have read your comments, this is just a glimpse of how others might perceive your use of the word ugly.

Yes, it is dickish. Expressing your pity because someone is so unattractive that their life must therefore be harder because of how they look? There is no way that this opinion is unflattering or not hurtful, even if the person in question is not within hearing range. It's not even neutral, it's just... awful.

And now I feel sad that you thought this was okay.

But I don't mean to make an assumption or mock somebody, I usually state the fact? It is so often the case!

I... suspected as much, though. I have problems with understanding moral taboos, all these differences between black and white :( Usually I try to tell people straight away that I'm a bad person so that they wouldn't get hurt and waste their time trying to be friends with me, but then apparently I end up doing awful things anyway. And sometimes I can't bring myself to care, just because the taboos are so illogical and make no sense. Yeah, I know it's not how it works.

I'm sorry I disappointed you.

Re: Ugly. Or something.

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-19 11:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Ugly. Or something.

dreemyweird - 2013-05-19 12:04 (UTC) - Expand

There was this girl in HS, you know those types of girls that act "tough" and do nothing but shittalk other people? Well, there was this quiet popular girl that was in the class, and one day this girl-for no reason at all-said her clothes were nice. She didn't think she had any nice clothes, because everything else she wore was ugly as shit.

I always figured she got knocked up and is currently on welfare.

wait, which girl said what

Tough bitch girl said the quiet girl's clothes were nice, and that she didn't think she had nice clothes because she only ever saw her in shitty clothing.

I think the TBG has a few kids by now and is living off of welfare.

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