[ SECRET POST #2343 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2343 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[not a repeat, was too big before]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 055 secrets from Secret Submission Post #335.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[rapunzelita]

I am eternally annoyed by adultery in TV shows because there are alternatives to it. The fact that polyamory basically does not exist (edit: in media and especially TV) rubs me the wrong way. (Same for "love triangles" that INEVITABLY ends with the main character having to "pick".)

[(Anonymous)]

So much this.

Love Triangles are basically why I had to stop reading a lot of manwha and kdrama. At first I was also surprised by a lot of love triangles in comics seeming to have an outright or subtextual queer element to them, but that was even worse because it would skip right past the choosing phase straight to TRAGIC BAD END for the third wheel.

[rapunzelita]

Yeah, ugh, tragic endings to love triangles are the worst thing. I just wish writers realised that, in general, love triangles are not obligatory, and if they REALLY have to include one, maybe solving it differently might be interesting for once. It's a cliche that's so ingrained in our media that it's almost impossible to escape it.

(And I'm not even saying "MAKE IT AN OT3 EVERY TIME" - sometimes poly relationships just don't work out, you can get angst from that, too. I just wish poly relationships were even ACKNOWLEDGED beyond the usual "oh yes we are fuck buddies and we can have other sex partners" thing.)

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, that's the most depressing part, I think. It's both inescapable and such an inescapably cheap and lazy device that nobody ever does anything new with. Although it's almost ironic that even 'Harem' crap seems to end up boiling down to love triangle dynamics, most of the time.

(yeah, same :( it's also frustrating that the message of almost every few poly stories i've seen in mainstream media seem to end up with such a negative message of it, too - not even not just working out, but always with this sense of it having been doomed to fail from the start. Like, what was even the point, then? D:)

[(Anonymous)]

Agreed. If other people can do poly, that's great, but I know that I personally could not do a poly relationship. I'd rather break up and let the other two be together. For me, it would be easier and cleaner in the long run.

[(Anonymous)]

Definitely. Consensual polyamory will never be a thing because that's how we are (even if a part of us likes it).

[rapunzelita]

Hm. That's kind of insulting. I understand it not working out for you, and that's perfectly fine, and I can also definitely agree with the idea that our society does not do anything to help people who might be interested in being in an open relationship. But saying that it will NEVER be a thing? That's taking it a bit far. How do you know what will happen in the future? Maybe we'll build societies that are more accepting of the idea that attraction and love works in many different ways, and that being attracted to two people at the same time is neither a crime nor a tragedy.

I have plenty of friends who do or have done polyamory. It works out just fine for some of them, it didn't for others, but it is definitely A Thing, whether you want it to be or not. It doesn't have to be anyone's Thing, of course. But it does exist and it is possible.

Besides, if that's not "how we are", why is it that we can experience attraction of other people when we are in a (healthy, happy) relationship? (And yes, that is a thing that happens with many people.) Clearly if "that's not how we are", then we shouldn't experience that at all. And clearly, if we do experience this, then we should do our best to be open about what we want, instead of suffering in silence.

Basically, I will have my cake and eat it and I will not apologise for it. And my boyfriend will have his cake, and he will goddam eat it if he wants to, and that is great too. It's not easy all the time, but it is definitely A Thing.

[rapunzelita]

(Also thank you for basically saying that my consent is not a thing.)

[rapunzelita]

That's because that's not necessarily how poly works. It doesn't necessarily imply everyone sleeping with everyone, or moving together, or having a poly group. It just means everyone being open about what they want and need from their partner(s), it can also mean having an open relationship with a primary partner. It's not so much "oh you want to sleep with that other person? Yay let's all have an amazing orgy and never have anything go wrong!", but rather "Huh, you're attracted to someone else. Well, we can see how that goes, I suppose." Instead of it immediately being "OMG I am really attracted to Bill but I also love my husband Bob and I must choooose ANGST ANGST ANGST". (I remember a particularly annoying example I think in the first (?) season of the L Word, when the main, most stable couple ends up breaking up because one of them is really attracted to another woman and ends up sleeping with her. Otherwise their relationship was pretty ok, though of course it being the L Word it's all very dramatic. That's the kind of example in which even a discussion of the possibility of having an open relationship would have been welcome.)(Note, I saw this a very long time ago, but I don't remember there being much of a discussion. I may be wrong.)

Of course, adultery happens for a huge variety of reasons, and most of them are related to people being unhappy in a relationship; and some polyamorous relationships CAN be unhealthy and abusive. I'm not saying that it would solve everything to everyone's satisfaction all the time, but I do think it's an untapped resource for plot and drama that would add a bit of innovation to the old adultery trope.

(And as far as the huge chunk of people finding polyamory unappealing for themselves, I'm sure a huge chunk of the population would rather not be cheated on, either. I'm not saying it should be the solution each time, just that it would be interesting to see at least some TV shows explore it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Just like everything else.)

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think the alternative of polyamory would even occur to most people. The vast majority of the world isn't weird fandom-types who've grown accustomed to think of that as normal because their weird ren faire friends are into it.

[(Anonymous)]

I would consider the presentation of polyamory as an alternative to the presentation of a love triangle (while I imagine most would still end in a pick because the love interests aren't comfortable with poly, it'd be nice to see one every so often that develops differently), but I think adultery is getting into problems about respect and trust where "let's try poly!" is just slapping a bandaid on that's going to peel right back off, as people have actually tried that for real relationships in trouble ...I don't hear good track records for that.

And TV shows are supposed to have issues. Adultery and what causes people to commit adultery has a place in that.

[blunderbuss]

Yeah, but a huge chunk of the love triangles I've seen still wouldn't work as a poly triad because it's usually one person who needs to choose between two different people, and those two wouldn't be able to get along, or be willing to share, or have other obligations that would complicate things, etc. Poly relationships in media are rare because OMG FREE LOVE DEBAUCHERY but it's also rare that it would WORK. I imagine most writers would run away screaming because of the effort involved.

I think to make it work, a writer would have to plan from the beginning to make it a poly relationship, rather than stuff three people into one.