fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2353 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2353 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Boy Meets World]

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03.

[Firefly]

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04.

[Hannibal]

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05.

[BBC Sherlock]

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06.

[Vocaloid]

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07.

[Dept. Heaven]

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08.

[Roger Federer]

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09.

[Dogma]

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10.

[Yu-Gi-Oh: Bonds Beyond Time]

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11.

[Leonard Nimoy]

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12.

[a song of ice and fire/game of thrones]

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13.

[Dragon Age Origins]

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14.

[Arrested Development]

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15.

[Fall Out Boy]

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16.

[Homestuck]

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17.

[Joss Whedon]

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18.

[Chicago Fire]

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19.

[Homestuck]

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20.

[Final Fantasy VII]

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21.

[Enya]

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22.

[Discworld]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 067 secrets from Secret Submission Post #336.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - IC secret? ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Is saying, "I told you so!" victim blaming? Just curious.

It depends on the context.

Nah. It's telling a person they did something stupid that they could have avoided, which is totally valid.

Saying "I told you so" to someone who was a victim of something horrible that wasn't under their control is victim-blaming.

Completely depends on context.

"You really shouldn't leave your drink unattended in a public place, there's a lot of creeps out there."

"Oh, it'll be fine for just this one dance!" ... "I think my drink was roofied last night and something awful happened."

"I told you so!"

Could be considered victim blaming.

That's not victim-blaming. No, she didn't DESERVE it, but she still had it coming in a causal way. That's like saying it's victim-blaming to say it to someone who got hit by a car because they ran out into the street without looking both ways.

na

but she still had it coming in a causal way

what the hell does that even mean

That's incredibly tactless, insensitive, unnecessary victim blaming in both of those examples. If a friend of mine had either of those things happen to them, things that happened as a result of their carelessness, and someone said "I told you so" to them, I would make sure everyone knew they said that. I would press criminal charges against them for that if I could, which is possible in some places if I witnessed it first hand.

Re: Victim Blaming?

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 03:13 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 03:17 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 03:23 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 03:21 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 03:16 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 03:25 (UTC) - Expand

You are a terrible person.

you are comparing rapists to hapless drivers who can't slow down immediately if someone jumps out in front of them

i'm no sjw, but there are some implications there you may wanna think about

Not only is that victim blaming, but "she had it coming" is textbook victim blaming. Please don't try and clear this confusion up for people until you actually know what you're talking about and what "victim-blaming" means.

"that's not victim-blaming" "she had it coming"

Yeah, I don't think you understand what victim blaming is.

Nobody has rape coming. Nobody deserves it. If you blame a person for being raped, which is what you are doing, then you are victim blaming. They are the victim, you are blaming them for being the victim. You are victim blaming. Rapists are the ones that have 100% of the blame.

SA here to apologise.

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 05:10 (UTC) - Expand

Re: SA here to apologise.

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 05:16 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 05:18 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 17:24 (UTC) - Expand

if someone tells you they were raped and you say "I told you so" because you warned them not to wear a certain outfit or not to drink too much then that's victim blaming

if someone was texting on their phone while driving and they get hit by another car because they weren't paying any attention then saying "I told you so" isn't victim blaming because they're a goddamn idiot

context is key. do you have a specific example you wanted to discuss?

It's just based off a conversation with my sister. I'd rather not discuss the details. Thank you for the advice!

sa

I feel like I should clarify that telling someone "I told you so" after they get into an accident while they were texting and driving is still not a particularly nice thing to do because getting in an accident sucks pretty hard even if they are kind of dumb. Maybe say it in a more gentle manner.

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 23:17 (UTC) - Expand

Why do you ask these questions? Honestly.

Why do I always ask what questions?

Yes and no. Totally depends on context.

It usually is.

Definitely depends on context. If it's something they did to themselves, all by themselves, it's a bit douchey but not victim blaming. If it involves somebody else doing something to them, it probably is victim blaming.

If it's something that they could have reasonably avoided, and the only reason it occurred is their own actions, then no. If they had no control over the actions, then yes.

For example, telling that to someone with their car broken into/stolen, because of smashed windows, etc. would be victim blaming imo.

However, telling that someone who had their car broken into/stolen because they left the windows wide open, the door unlocked, the keys in the ignition and/or the roof down would not be victim blaming, because there were steps they could have reasonably taken to avoid that situation (depending on the quality of their car).

If they could have reasonably taken action to avoid whatever happened, no. If they couldn't reasonably have taken action due to other people's actions, (rape, assault, being t-boned as you go through an intersection) yes.

But that's not an example of "only reason it occurred is their own actions". They are still the victim of a crime, and that crime was committed by outside forces not themselves. Is it stupid to leave your windows open and care unlocked? Yes, but I wouldn't say they deserved to be robbed or that a robbery is their fault.

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 04:55 (UTC) - Expand

tei - 2013-06-13 14:51 (UTC) - Expand

+5,000,000

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-13 20:49 (UTC) - Expand

It depends on whether the recipient has been victimized or not.

Like other's said, it depends on context. However, it's never a *nice* thing to say.

It may not be a nice thing to say, but sometimes it comes from a place of exasperation. Someone coming to you with their problems and complaints, and you give them advice, which they happily ignore (which, yes, is their right), but when it all goes wrong, and they come crying to you for sympathy? Yeah, sometimes you really just want to say, "I told you, I told you that this would happen!"

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da

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what fuckery is this

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Not enough information.

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