fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2389 ]

[ SECRET POST #2389 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2389 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

[Avenged Sevenfold]

__________________________________________________

14.

[Professor Layton]

__________________________________________________

15.

[Yoroiden Samurai Troopers (Ronin Warriors)]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 015 secrets from Secret Submission Post #341.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

01. http://i.imgur.com/KKuA6Nd.png

you don't have to post photos of yourself or talk about your personal life if you don't want to, you know?

tumblr is probably not the best place to find friends who someone with insecurities/social anxiety, since you have to be more proactive in getting people to talk to you and keep the conversation going (preferably in something like an instant message chat program rather than tumblr's own clunky interface)

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-18 23:07 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

deadtree - 2013-07-18 23:45 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-19 02:11 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

elaminator - 2013-07-19 00:07 (UTC) - Expand

[Picture is a drawing of one of those toys for toddlers where you fit geometrical block pieces into a larger block with slots that match each block's shape, but in the picture the block pieces have human legs, feet, arms, hands, mouths and eyes. A square, a circle, a triangle and a rectangle are sliding into their respective spaces and smiling and laughing, having a grand time, while a pentagon looks on crying, because there is no space for it.]

I feel like I will never fit in on fandom. I've never made a fandom friend. I don't know how to approach people, online or offline. I'm really frightened by the idea of exposing myself the way tumblr-famous people do. I'm too shy and closed off to even post a selfie, let alone make a bunch of personal life posts. Trying to contact other people usually results in quick replies, the kind that usually means "that's all you're gonna get from me. I'm not interested in being your friend."

I know I can be recognized by my work, but even that's really hard for me. I like my own art, but that doesn't seem to be the case for other people... And sometimes it gets really lonely, because I like all these things that I have no one to talk about.

To be honest, I'm getting a little tired of people's personal life posts and have started to share less about myself because in my experience, those things eventually turn toxic. I'd rather just chat to people about fandom things. But you don't have to be tumblr famous or post selfies to have a few fandom friends. I have had tons of fandom friends without even contributing to my fandom, just because I talked to people a lot. F!s is a good place to approach people actually. Join in the GC discussion. Start out anon if you're nervous.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-18 23:21 (UTC) - Expand

Posting a lot of personal posts or selfies won't necessarily get you recognition. I posted a selfie because 5 people asked me what I looked like, and it got two notes. Two. It didn't matter, because I wouldn't have posted another picture of me on the internet anyway, but selfies and personal posts are not the key to internet popularity.

I've been in the same fandom for 5+ years, and still don't fit in (despite trying really, really hard, and producing fics and art that people like). All the stuff people say about fandom being easier to make friends in is nonsense. It's just as distant and ungenerous a place as real life.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, OP, but in my experience it's the truth.

I don't really have fandom friends, either. To be fair I'm sort of awful, because I do disappear occasionally and end up with years-long WIP fics. But, fandom friends would be cool...

It sounds like you've got social anxiety. Have you tried talking to a doctor about it?

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-19 12:52 (UTC) - Expand

I've never looked for a "fandom friend" - I just read the fic. Didn't know it had to be a big social affair.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-19 14:12 (UTC) - Expand

Same.

I think though, people getting a lot of comments on art, have too many 'friends' commenting on it to suck up.

Are you talking about Tumblr? Tumblr's not a really a social place. I find it hard to believe anybody has actual friends there. Find a message board or an LJ community, if any exist. They tend to be more open/social.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-19 00:53 (UTC) - Expand

I agree with the posters above that you don't have to share personal information and pics of you to get fandom friends. Personally, I'm rather 'cautious' to post stuff like that bc you never know when it's going to bite you in your butt. But I do share personal stuff with people I've known for some time..

I'd the same problem at first anon. It was a pretty lonely time and I don't want to miss the friends I've made online again. The only 'advise' I can give you is to be open and nice to others. Comment on the fic you read or fanart. Tell them why exactly you liked it, maybe a little more detailed. In my experience it often came to discussions about the fic itself, a certain character or the show. It might not happen always, but it does sometimes. Just try it. I've made the lots of friends like that. If you comment on other people's stuff, they most likely will comment on yours too.

I really hope you find friends anon! :-)

I'm a pretty shy person, but I find it easier to make friends online than in meatspace. Not necessarily soulmate friends (I think those are rare), but people I have a lot in common with and really enjoy talking to.

Here the trick, insofar as there's a trick: post about what interests you. Have thoughts on the latest movie? Post them. Read a cool book lately? Post about it. Ideas about some issue that other people might be thinking about? Post them. Your posts don't have to be hugely personal (and just speaking for myself, I tend to shy away from talking to people who bare the intimate, or merely mundane, details of their whole lives to the internet--it's TMI for me and honestly I'd rather talk about books and movies). Chances are, somebody will respond to your post and you can start a conversation. And if you're shy or socially anxious like I am (I find internet chatting too high-pressure!) that's a nice, comfortable, at-your-own-pace way to get to know people.

Also, comment on other people's posts when the topic's of interest to you. Try to say more than just "this is cool"--offer thoughts, contribute to the conversation.

P.S.: I don't think Tumblr is a good place for making friends because the interface doesn't make it easy to talk to people. I like DW and LJ better because they have a better format for discussion.

Wow. You kinda remind me when I first started in fandom.

Well, firstly what do you like? Secondly, what is the best you can do using the source material? Thirdly, is there a platform (other than F!S) where you can express yourself and others can see you?

You don't have to post selfies or talk about real life problems if you want to make fandom friends.. Nevertheless, it does help to be a little bit social; comment on fics and art, tell the author or artist why do you like this, make some general posts such as 'how was your day?' and stuff like that, and comment to others when they comment to you.

It's gonna take time, but I think that at least by trying you will get at least some people listen to you. Heck, in my entire life I can only think of three people who I can really define as a 'fandom friend', but thanks to them I've had the best fandom experience I've ever had.

I will echo most of the posters above, there is no need for much personal disclosure to make fandom friends. I for one love to have someone to talk to about fandom only and not have to discuss my private life because fandom is my escape from it. Having to constantly mix the two can be a bit unfun. But that's just me and my compartmentalizing brain.

I don't really have proper advise on friend making though ... as lately i've had an issue finding places to just talk fandom ... i'm old school and prefer forums to tumblr interactions.

Best of luck OP, hope you will find what you are looking for.

I know the feeling. I recommend friending memes.
http://addme-fandom.dreamwidth.org/profile

This comm also posts friending memes http://lj-refugees.dreamwidth.org/

Same here.
That's why I gave up the things I enjoy in fandom, also Tumblr. I was sick of not fitting in.

I'd recommend anon memes. It's the only place I ever talk to anyone myself.

In my experience, by far the majority of people *don't* talk about their personal lives or post pictures of themselves, in fandom. That's not a requirement at all.

I like to keep fandom very separate from RL, and I'm sure there are others who do, too.

If you are posting art or fic, then you are participating in fandom. If you leave a comment or a compliment on other people's work, then you are participating in fandom. There's no right or wrong way.

You are being too hard on yourself. Just enjoy your fandoms, enjoy reading, writing, posting, or making art, or whatever your particular talent is. If people comment, fine. That can be an opening for interacting with other fans.

If you feel self-conscious about your art, or self-conscious about interacting with other fans, maybe you can participate in venues where you're allowed to be anonymous, like a kink meme.

Or, make an account or username specifically for fandom, that has nothing to do with other aspects of your life.

Good luck. You shouldn't have to feel bad about fandom, it should be a fun and relaxing thing.

I also prefer fun discussions centered on the actual fandom material.

You might poke around the forums on Fanfiction.net. some of then, even for older less active fandoms, still have chatty people.

- you don't need to post about anything you don't want to.

- really all I can suggest is get out there? most of my friends are via fandoms. I wouldn't say i'm tumblr famous, but they don't even know my gender, let alone life (except like "i'm gonna be away for 3 weeks" type things). Personal life/drama/deets are not necessary

- reblog things, contribute, try and be involved, fandom events if they have any or even organise one yourself

- but try not to come off as desperate or demand people be your friends. I try to be ncie to everyone myself, but only a few I'd call friends-friends...and they just happened. they liked what i blogged/reblogged, I liked what the reblogged/blogged and accidentally a friendship. Some are closer than others. i think some people may think we're closer than we really are because of the reblog conversations but that's less closeness and more something we really wanna talk about

so the secret is, just blog/reblog things you like. follow people you find interesting, some will follow back. try to have some fun and hopefully some people will chat back! i guarantee there's lots of people feeling the same ways in fandoms - and those tumblr ideas can spread across many platforms. be involved! talk and share ideas! sitting in the figurative corner...no-one is going to see you there to even decide if they want to chat or not

I have a hard time making friends too. Most of the ones I have I met in an LJ community years ago. We still talk even if we don't have too much in common anymore (which is awesome!) And I've made... maybe... 1 or 2 friends on twitter? Oddly enough...

I don't use tumblr though because it looks extremely anti-social and that's not really my thing. I am super shy IRL but less so online, I don't post selfies or anything though... I don't mind people who do, but its not my thing. :b I dunno.

... I think you may be psyching yourself out on this, OP. I've never been asked for a selfie by a fandom friend. Most of mine have no idea what I look like at all, and vice versa.

Trying to contact other people usually results in quick replies, the kind that usually means "that's all you're gonna get from me. I'm not interested in being your friend."

That might be true, or it may well be that you're reading a lot into a short reply. It depends on the contact you're making, OP. If you're not already doing so, I'd try to show some love to the artists/writers/whatever you feel drawn to in fandom. You can start with quick compliments, or questions if you have any. See where it goes, and try not to rush to the conclusion that you're a loser nobody will want to talk to because... well, that tends to come out in how you approach people.

"Fake it till you make it" has a certain amount of truth to it, OP. If you feel active, engaged and interested, try to make sure that's coming through. If you don't, well, try your best to seem sincerely interested in other people and see what comes of it. It'll take time, sure. But fandom is full of people who want to find other people who are into the same things they like. Everyone has some level of insecurity about socializing, but it's important not to let those insecurities take you out of the running before you've even had a damn good go. Best of luck to you, OP!

Echoing what many here have said already: you don't have to share anything personal, if you don't like, certainly not to make *fandom * friends. You get to know people because of a shared interest in a fandom, because you start talking about it, discuss, etc. etc., and not because you share personal experiences about… whatever.

That said – tumblr might not be the perfect place to find friends, but I know plenty of people who made fandom friends there. And not only that. Three people I talk to most often by now - and not just about fandom anymore, but about personal stuff as well - I have met on tumblr via fandom.

I even met one of them in real life a few months ago and it was amazing. So it is not impossible to find people on tumblr. For someone with social anxiety it might even be easier than LJ/DW/message boards/..., especially in the beginning, because it allows for more anonymity than most other fandom places.

you are reading way too damn much into the quick replies you're getting

I know paranoia is part of the whole anxiety thing but really quick replies are standard tumblr fare, they're not being purposely brief to passive-aggressively send you a message

unless they're like 16 and in high school

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only