[ SECRET POST #2421 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2421 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #346.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. http://i.imgur.com/Iw3GHJ0.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

It sucks to have put time and emotion into a person and to not have it matter anymore. All I can say is either you take the first step to get in contact with them again, or you need to let go or it will just eat at you.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with this. I have a fandom friend I used to talk to pretty much 24/7, he's in another fandom and doesn't talk to me (almost unless I force him to). He could resume talking to me all the time at any point (even though this is an extreme longshot), and I'd welcome him back with open arms.

Here's the thing. Some people really want to be your friend, and some people can't separate themselves enough from fandom to see true friendship. If you guys have that, do what you can to repair it. It's worth it.

[saku]

maybe they're waiting for you to do the same thing.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know. They left saying they weren't going to talk to me anymore. Maybe that meant I should talk to them? Or that they didn't want to hear from me again. I'm not sure which and I don't want to cause any distress even though I'm still hurting.

[author_by_night]

I know the feeling; I've been there.

If someone I drifted from tried to get in touch, I think I'd like that, actually. Reach out. Tell them how you feel. The worst that will happen is you'll be ignored. But chances are, they miss you too.

[(Anonymous)]

Aww, that's a shame. Maybe you could try and contact them? It might hurt if they reject your attempts, but you won't have really lost anything. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. They might be feeling the same and be reluctant to reach out for the same reasons.

I lost a fandom friend once who I was super close to (I told her things I'd never tell a RL friend) and we just kind of drifted apart- there were no dramatics or anything. It was sad and I miss her, but I doubt she even thinks about me. And given how much time we spent talking and stuff, that kind of sucks, but we have little in common now and forcing it would just kill the great memories I have of our conversations. So I understand.

[sootyowl]

I agree with everyone else. If the friendship meant a lot to you -- reach out. It doesn't matter who was right or wrong or who hurt who if you want your friend back.

If not, I hope you find away to let go of what happen between you two and move on.

[(Anonymous)]

:(

I lost a fandom friend awhile ago. It hurts a lot. Sometimes it's just healthier to let it end and move on the best you can. I regret some things but I learned a lot, so maybe it's all for the best. Still care about the person, just couldn't deal with it all anymore, you know?

But if it doesn't bring up too much baggage maybe it would be a good idea to contact you old friend in an easy way that's not putting yourself out there too much, and see if they respond, and then go from there?

[(Anonymous)]

Anon can relate to this so much, especially since she had two so-called friends ditch her. Long story short, first friend developed anger issues and she began to wear me down, emotionally. She didn't feel like the person I knew or remembered.

Second friend, I tried getting in touch with constantly, only to end up ignored. Weeks, yeah weeks, go by and finally I get a message from her on Skype saying that she's sorry for leaving me hanging, but that our interests were no longer the same and that we were better off with the good memories of our friendship. Which it's fucked up to me, since she ruined any 'good memories' I had of her.

Still TLDR here and partnered with the world's saddest violin song of 'No one gives a crap'.

The gist is: It sucks, and much as it hurts to say goodbye to people who you were once so close with. Fuck them. You can find better people to call friend and chances are, you'll feel infinitely better having those poisonous people out of your life, for good.

[transcriptanon]

[Picture is an image of a human brain inside a transparent blue head. The brain lobes are colored in different colors: Frontal is magenta, Parietal is yellow, Temporal is green and Occipital is dark purple/blue. The image is cropped, but I think the Cerebellum is light blue too.]

I used to have a close fandom friend. But some things changed and they stopped talking to me. Eventually we fought over something stupid and fandom related and they ended everything between us. They said some hurtful things to me and I was probably a jerk too, but I keep waiting for them to come back. It's been a while. I should accept that it's not going to happen. But I miss how things used to be.

Picture is incredibly obscurely related.

[(Anonymous)]

I had a fandom friend ditch me in a pissy fit and honestly? It's the best fucking thing that could have happened because looking back, that bitch was toxic. She was forever preaching about how open-minded and tolerant she was, and how she was so ~progressive and yet she'd flat-out stop talking to you if you ever disagreed on anything. It was like she was trying to hold court and got upset when her subjects found something else to talk about.

I have zero interest in reconnecting and I hope she feels the same way.

[(Anonymous)]

I used to have some close fandom friends a long time ago. We eventually got into a big argument, which later cooled down, but I've still felt guilty ever since. I decided that it was probably healthiest for me (and them) to stay away from that group.

Since then, my personality has mellowed out a lot and I'll admit I've gotten a little cold in comparison to the "old" me, but some of them, I've noticed, have changed too. Maybe it's for the best that they're not speaking with you anymore, OP. What if they're not the same person you knew? If they're different, that might take away from the good memories you have of them. It sucks to think back at all the fun things you did and all the stuff you talked about and realize you don't have that anymore, but maybe that friendship ended for a reason, you know?

But you never know. Maybe they're feeling the way you do, and they're waiting for YOU to speak with them?

[(Anonymous)]

Now I'm wondering if I know the OP, because this happened to me and the picture is, indeed, related to the situation...

[(Anonymous)]

I know the OP has anguish over the things, but I'm still annoyed at the use of "they" when it is clearly meant to be a single, individual person the secret is about. I know, I know... protects gender identity by not using pronouns. But still... ugh. One of those common things that people do that I hate so, so much. (Perhaps as much as my university honors studies teacher hated split infinitives.)


Now that I've vented about that, I'm not all a jerk. (Just a partial jerk, maybe.) OP, sorry you lost your friend. I've had fandom friends come and go and some I thought were true forever friends. It hurts to lose contact with them. Maybe this will help.

[(Anonymous)]

I went through something similar years and years ago and it didn't stop
bothering me until this year when I accidentally found their online persona and associated blogs. I read a bit and felt pity because she hasn't changed or grown in any way, and oddly enough treating people like shit will isolate you in the long run. I finally moved on with the realization that even if she wanted me, I don't want her. You might stil be able to save it if you put yourself out there, but first ask yourself if that's actually something you actually want or if you just miss the ghost of who that person used to be to you.

[ex_mek82]

Eh, I tried doing this recently, and I realized the person wasn't who I thought they were a couple years ago, and I felt a lot better about the friendship quietly ending. Mind you, we only had one major fandom interest and they got really tetchy when I moved on to something else not that long ago.

That said, I'd try to at least reach out if you still do care about them. If they don't reciprocate, well... at least you've got good memories to think about every once in a while.

I may have picked up a false pattern but:

[revieloutionne]

This is the exact same secret you already had posted, anon, except this time you didn't mention the Gokaiger RP directly.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm going to be honest - depending on the fight, and how bad it was, it could have killed off any interest they had in continuing a friendship with you. I had a...well. Not really friend anymore, who exploded at me over fandom stuff and that with the fallout just really killed any friendship-y feelings I had for her.

However, because of circumstances and the fact she kept hounding me I maintained a very strained friendship with her that...well. Let's just say resentment happened and I eventually cut ties.

My point is, contact them if you want - but don't be surprised if they aren't thrilled to talk to you, and respect it if they don't seem interested in continuing the friendship.

[(Anonymous)]

First things first, they are probably not going to come back OP, no matter how much you want them to. You can try reaching out to them to test if there's anything left, but as someone who has experienced being on the opposite side of your position, it's not very likely. You might have thought it was over something stupid, but it might have been much more than that to them.

I had a very bad experience with someone who was a fandom friend that pretty much bordered on the side of emotional abuse. Yes, we had our good times where we squeed over our OTP and RP'ed and all that, but then there was the possessiveness and the jealousy. She'd make me feel like shit for even talking to other people and god forbid I ever played video games with anyone else but her. It was to the point where she'd guilt me and shoehorn herself into the games I was playing with others. She'd act out through RP how much I betrayed her for having other friends other than her, and I finally snapped after taking her special brand of bullshit for way too long. From what I've heard, she's been seeing a psychiatrist for some of her emotional issues, but I don't ever want to get in contact with her ever again.

I doubt that you had the same crazy, exceedingly toxic experience I had, but just understand that the other person may not be pleased to hear from you.

TW: SA/mentions of abuse

[(Anonymous)]

I had some fandom "friend" bitch me out when I was having a mental breakdown after having been sexually assaulted and harassed about it, as well as the abuse I dealt with since I was a kid, not to mention spewing vicious lies about it. Then she and her fellow friends ditched. I'm still pissed about it, but I'm also kind of glad it happened, because now I know what spineless, back-stabbing hypocrites they all are (and for that matter, so do quite a few others).

Trust me, it might hurt like hell, but you're better off without people like that.

[(Anonymous)]

This hurts so much because I think I know who you are... and I have a feeling who a commenter in this thread (without knowing it's you, commented about our friendship as well... or how we badly ended it).

There's the chance, of course, that I'm just seeing things and I'm paranoid (or wishing) you still want us to talk like we used to. Spent sleepless night for me, not working-at-all shift for you and still feel happy in the morning.

I've lost both of you and even if it hurts me deeply, I guess feeling lonely with you around it was worse. You both looked into your needs easily forsaking and waving away mine. There's so much of being ignored and indiference a person can take.

[shellblade]

been there. done that. print it on a t-shirt.

it's a terrible feeling to have. I share your pain, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

I think I know who you are and I want to tell you things will get better but it's been months now - they burned the bridges, not you, just remember that.

Even if I'm completely wrong, I wish you all the best OP, and hope things start getting better for you.

[(Anonymous)]

If the friendship was "more" than fandom and the fight was only fandom it might be worth reaching out - however you shouldn't be surprised if your former friend has moved on and has no interest in rekindling the fight.

If the fight was more personal, and the obscure link relates to the patches of colour in the picture I'm 99% positive there's no interest in rekindling the friendship.