fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2443 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2443 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Sailor Moon]

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03.

[Taken]

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04.

[Hetalia]

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05.

[John and Edward Grimes/Jedward]

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06.

[Zoolander]

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07.

[X-Files]

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08.

[Amanda Palmer and Paula Deen]

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09.

[Once Upon a Time]

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10.

[Corporal Rivaille from Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 035 secrets from Secret Submission Post #349.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

well, I guess it's time to choose which you'd rather deal with:

being ostracized by your culture or being ill for years and years and maybe dying

(I would choose the one where I live healthily but that's just me; as much as I love my family and social circles, I would find it very, very hard to forgive them if they put a notion of self-reliance above my actual well-being)

OP

Objectively I can see where you're coming from, but seriously unless you've literally lived the culture, it's not something you could grasp. Sorry if that sounds dickish; I've been very ill for years, in full view of my family, so it's very normalized to me now. As long as I can keep going, it's okay.

I have been choosing being ill with the possibility of death in my future for years now. What's worrying me is the "being too ill to work" part, which is finally the stage my body is starting to enter.

So now I'm running up against two problems. Generally, my culture encourages you to ignore being sick/hurt until it problematizes you being a productive member of society. Like, I'm getting to the point where I have little to no choice but to accept the "sick role" in society, and be viewed as non-productive (and implied weak).

The other problem is the being sick to begin with, and I'm still fighting between accepting the notion I'm sick, or ignore it and get sicker. But I want to be a productive member of society. So just. Fuck.

You can't be productive if you're sick, and you're fooling yourself into thinking you *are* productive. Go to the doctor. Buck your 'culture' and your family and *do it*. This is about you, not their skewed and frankly inhumane expectations.

I'd kill to be able to see a doctor, i'm too poor to afford insurance and my state opted out of 'Obamacare'. Any doctor's visit is a careful dance of putting off bills and scrimping. So go to the damn doctor and don't kill yourself trying to live up to some incredibly harmful and useless 'cultural norm'.

OP

While I'm sure you're somewhere between mildly miffed and honestly quite offended at the way I'm talking about this and portraying my situation, but the way you've gone about addressing me is actually kind of hurtful.

I am sorry your state is an asshole. I'm sorry you have health problems of your own, especially ones that are harder to manage because of fucked up ideologies, and I really am sorry. I wish you had better, truly.

Health is a very personal issue, and for someone who grew up in a culture where it's just wasn't addressed or discussed, and you were literally downright shunned for being sick for too long, the way I was nurtured isn't just something I can shuck off without wrestling with it.

Yes, I know logically I should go to a doctor. But logic and cultural teachings don't always mix; I don't belong to the larger culture of "going to the doctor is good". I belong to the "go to the doctor only if you're dying, and only then if you're really really dying". That is nowhere near an exaggeration.

Talking to me like I'm stupid for not going, or as though my discussing my fears is inconsiderate of other people's situations, is not going to make me feel better about going to the doctor. I already feel stupid and worthless for being sick from my home culture. I don't want to feel stupid and worthless from everybody else for how I grew up.

Don't feel stupid and worthless - feel empowered because you have the choice to go - the *opportunity* to get health care. I'm aware that cultural baggage is heavy and hard to shake off.

But if you didn't want opinions on your situation that were different, why would you post here? Sure, i'm sorry your family and community think sick=weak and getting health care=worthless. That sucks.

But even so, you have the choice to move past it and, i image, a lot of people on f!s telling you 'your life/health is more important than what people think'. Which it is.

I'm sorry that what I said to you was hurtful, but someone too afraid of what their family thinks to see a doctor when they are *obviously* very ill makes me angry.

Not at *them*, but at people who can't see that someone's life and health is worth more than a skewed ideology that only seems to promote suffering. I don't think you're stupid, i think you're being treated *extremely* poorly, and i think every single person in your family and/or community that views you and treats you as 'less than' because you're ill is an asshat.

I hope you can see your way past what those around you think to the truth - the simple fact that your life is worth living without pain and illness, and that *you* are worth healing.

Okay, I'll be the shit-tastic person who says it.

Your culture sounds fucking stupid. You need to dump this medical-care-makes-you-a-weakling thing like you'd dump an abusive S.O.

Go to a doctor before your condition gets to a point where the doctor can't do much to reverse damage you have already sustained, or before whatever it is kills you.

OP

It sounds stupid, but it's kind if ensured that a fuckton of work gets done. I've been in larger culture enough to know that it's harmful and kind of stupid, but it's how we've survived, especially without access to medical care. The nearest hospital was over 30 miles away where I grew up, and no one outside of state/county workers have health insurance.

But please consider: I grew up this way. It's been ingrained in me to the point where just acknowledging my sickness, and it's impact on me, is just as terrifying to me as thinking that this can kill me. This cultural teaching is on the same, visceral, mortal level as death. It is that deeply ingrained, and that personal.

I really don't know how to better explain this. It's even emotionally deeper than being in an abusive relationship, because literally everyone around you is in the same relationship as you, with the same problems.

I know I need to go to a doctor. I know it... may?... be good for me. But I am terrified, of trying to be the sick person, and also be the productive person. I can do it, I did it all of last year, but I still need to get a job.

And I can't get a good job while being sick.

I'm sorry, I know this is ridiculous and stupid and fucked up, I know.

[ SECRET POST #2443 ]

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

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Re: Diagnosis: fucked up