fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2443 ]

[ SECRET POST #2443 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2443 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

[Sailor Moon]

__________________________________________________

03.

[Taken]

__________________________________________________

04.

[Hetalia]

__________________________________________________

05.

[John and Edward Grimes/Jedward]

__________________________________________________

06.

[Zoolander]

__________________________________________________

07.

[X-Files]

__________________________________________________

08.

[Amanda Palmer and Paula Deen]

__________________________________________________

09.

[Once Upon a Time]

__________________________________________________

10.

[Corporal Rivaille from Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan]

__________________________________________________

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 035 secrets from Secret Submission Post #349.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Disclaimer: I am very poor, have been poor my whole life, and even though recently I'm on gov't assisted health insurance, culturally going to the doctor for me has been emphatically Not An Option.

I'm sort of freaking out and sticking my head in the sand, hoping maybe if I ignore it, it will go away or not cause any problems. But I've been doing research trying to determine how fucked I am, just to know what I'm up against.

But things are pointing to the idea that this is kind of bad, and are going to get worse. I'm losing weight, losing muscle, losing energy, no matter how well I eat and exercise. Some fancy formulae suggest my current body state is depleted, verging on wasting.

I'm young, only in my mid twenties, and I'm only just starting to make career moves. I don't want my whole life to get fucked up because of something I could just live with for a little while longer.

But I don't know how much longer I can just do it on willpower alone. And I don't think I can get "better", not just maintain my current state without getting worse, without medical help anymore. I know the "common sense" thing to do is go get checked out, but I've lived so long not going to a doctor, that it a.) is absolutely terrifying, and b.) seems pointless.

I just don't know what the fuck to do.

well, I guess it's time to choose which you'd rather deal with:

being ostracized by your culture or being ill for years and years and maybe dying

(I would choose the one where I live healthily but that's just me; as much as I love my family and social circles, I would find it very, very hard to forgive them if they put a notion of self-reliance above my actual well-being)

OP

Objectively I can see where you're coming from, but seriously unless you've literally lived the culture, it's not something you could grasp. Sorry if that sounds dickish; I've been very ill for years, in full view of my family, so it's very normalized to me now. As long as I can keep going, it's okay.

I have been choosing being ill with the possibility of death in my future for years now. What's worrying me is the "being too ill to work" part, which is finally the stage my body is starting to enter.

So now I'm running up against two problems. Generally, my culture encourages you to ignore being sick/hurt until it problematizes you being a productive member of society. Like, I'm getting to the point where I have little to no choice but to accept the "sick role" in society, and be viewed as non-productive (and implied weak).

The other problem is the being sick to begin with, and I'm still fighting between accepting the notion I'm sick, or ignore it and get sicker. But I want to be a productive member of society. So just. Fuck.

You can't be productive if you're sick, and you're fooling yourself into thinking you *are* productive. Go to the doctor. Buck your 'culture' and your family and *do it*. This is about you, not their skewed and frankly inhumane expectations.

I'd kill to be able to see a doctor, i'm too poor to afford insurance and my state opted out of 'Obamacare'. Any doctor's visit is a careful dance of putting off bills and scrimping. So go to the damn doctor and don't kill yourself trying to live up to some incredibly harmful and useless 'cultural norm'.

OP

While I'm sure you're somewhere between mildly miffed and honestly quite offended at the way I'm talking about this and portraying my situation, but the way you've gone about addressing me is actually kind of hurtful.

I am sorry your state is an asshole. I'm sorry you have health problems of your own, especially ones that are harder to manage because of fucked up ideologies, and I really am sorry. I wish you had better, truly.

Health is a very personal issue, and for someone who grew up in a culture where it's just wasn't addressed or discussed, and you were literally downright shunned for being sick for too long, the way I was nurtured isn't just something I can shuck off without wrestling with it.

Yes, I know logically I should go to a doctor. But logic and cultural teachings don't always mix; I don't belong to the larger culture of "going to the doctor is good". I belong to the "go to the doctor only if you're dying, and only then if you're really really dying". That is nowhere near an exaggeration.

Talking to me like I'm stupid for not going, or as though my discussing my fears is inconsiderate of other people's situations, is not going to make me feel better about going to the doctor. I already feel stupid and worthless for being sick from my home culture. I don't want to feel stupid and worthless from everybody else for how I grew up.

Don't feel stupid and worthless - feel empowered because you have the choice to go - the *opportunity* to get health care. I'm aware that cultural baggage is heavy and hard to shake off.

But if you didn't want opinions on your situation that were different, why would you post here? Sure, i'm sorry your family and community think sick=weak and getting health care=worthless. That sucks.

But even so, you have the choice to move past it and, i image, a lot of people on f!s telling you 'your life/health is more important than what people think'. Which it is.

I'm sorry that what I said to you was hurtful, but someone too afraid of what their family thinks to see a doctor when they are *obviously* very ill makes me angry.

Not at *them*, but at people who can't see that someone's life and health is worth more than a skewed ideology that only seems to promote suffering. I don't think you're stupid, i think you're being treated *extremely* poorly, and i think every single person in your family and/or community that views you and treats you as 'less than' because you're ill is an asshat.

I hope you can see your way past what those around you think to the truth - the simple fact that your life is worth living without pain and illness, and that *you* are worth healing.

Okay, I'll be the shit-tastic person who says it.

Your culture sounds fucking stupid. You need to dump this medical-care-makes-you-a-weakling thing like you'd dump an abusive S.O.

Go to a doctor before your condition gets to a point where the doctor can't do much to reverse damage you have already sustained, or before whatever it is kills you.

OP

It sounds stupid, but it's kind if ensured that a fuckton of work gets done. I've been in larger culture enough to know that it's harmful and kind of stupid, but it's how we've survived, especially without access to medical care. The nearest hospital was over 30 miles away where I grew up, and no one outside of state/county workers have health insurance.

But please consider: I grew up this way. It's been ingrained in me to the point where just acknowledging my sickness, and it's impact on me, is just as terrifying to me as thinking that this can kill me. This cultural teaching is on the same, visceral, mortal level as death. It is that deeply ingrained, and that personal.

I really don't know how to better explain this. It's even emotionally deeper than being in an abusive relationship, because literally everyone around you is in the same relationship as you, with the same problems.

I know I need to go to a doctor. I know it... may?... be good for me. But I am terrified, of trying to be the sick person, and also be the productive person. I can do it, I did it all of last year, but I still need to get a job.

And I can't get a good job while being sick.

I'm sorry, I know this is ridiculous and stupid and fucked up, I know.

That kind of thing is almost certainly a treatable disease that only requires medication to manage. Maybe it's your thyroid or your pancreas, maybe you've developed Celiac.

If you're losing muscle weight despite eating well and exercising, you NEED to get to a doctor as soon as you can. This isn't something that will get better if you ignore it, but there's a good chance that it's something that WILL get better if you DON'T ignore it. :)

+1

Before I was diagnosed with Celiac, I weighed 350+ pounds. When i started losing weight, I thought it was due to trying to eat better and work through my emotional eating habits. Within 2 years, i went from size 24-26 clothing down to size 16.

Then the pain started. Lying on a bed, crying because my belly hurt so damn bad that I couldn't function. Freaking Vicodin for a damn year because my doctor was lazy and treating the symptoms without looking for a cause. I ended up a very sickly 150 lbs or so, barely able to walk, in constant pain.

The bright side is this: one week after stopping wheat and dairy, my pain levels subsided from a constant 6/10 to a mere 2. A week after that, I was off pain meds. Almost 3 years later,I'm metabolizing food again and pain only comes when I eat something contaminated by gluten. I have a life now, I feel better.

It's not weakness to be sick, OP. I know that's what your culture tells you but it's not quite correct. Letting your body get to the point where it's all or nothing, either a machine that keeps plugging or a pile of junk, is bad management. You may not be sick in the sense of having a real illness, you may just need a tune-up to reach optimum health/functionality. I hope that you'll consider finding some compromise between your needs and the stigma you seem to believe being ill brings.

TL:dr-- It sux to be so sick that you're incapacitated. Please consider seeing a doctor, especially one who might come from your own cultural background, because it's not meaningless and you deserve to be well and happy.

OP

Thank you for being kind, this kind of made me misty eyed. Honestly, health as a holistic concept didn't exist for me until recently, and the idea that self worth doesn't come from health, that it's something everybody should have and be, is almost... sweet?

You're right that it's bad management, at least for this culture that I'm living in. And it does suck to be incapacitated; I've been in situations for the past 5 years where I probably should have been incapacitated for my own good, but my cultural teachings told me to fucking get up and get on with it, instead of seeking help.

I mean, some of this is due to the more recent, young adult (19-20) experience I had, as well. I lost about 15 lbs in two weeks one summer, and another 10 the following month, with my whole family watching. I went from 125 to 100 lbs in 2 months. They could see how sick I was, I couldn't eat, I slept constantly when I wasn't working. Like, I would sleep on the floor in between chores. But I survived, being sick didn't slow people down, and they didn't take me to the doctor.

So until I ended up in the emergency room last year from losing consciousness and seizing, that was pretty much how I treated getting sick. Just keep going.

Objectively, all of this sounds so fucked up, oh my jesus.

re, a): is there anyone you know who's outside of your culture but in the same local area as you who could refer you to a non-intimidating doctor? re, b): i mean, just think of the effect that modern medicine has had on both life expectancy and human productivity. Just in an abstract sense I'm sure you know that people having access to medical care isn't pointless, and it's just a matter of turning that into personal action.

You deserve to live, and to live well.

OP

Thank you.

I do have people outside the culture, but it's still incredibly weird to talk about health in terms of asking for help/advice. My roommate is from a family of doctors, and she's very blase about discussing health, so if I can get enough courage, I could probably ask her for recommendations.

And yeah, abstractly I definitely get and endorse modern medicine and all the stuff it can do for people... I just sort of have to try to weigh that against the idea that I can just tough it out. When I know I won't be able to for much longer.

Your instincts are right-- you are most likely to get worse if you don't seek medical help asap, and as someone else already said, you cannot be productive while you are ill.

Going to a doctor is not pointless; medicine isn't some cult working on assumptions and approximate guesses-- it's science, the way that your body is science and your illness is science. It's the basic way a human body works and is affected by its environment. So no, it's not pointless, it's the surest way you have of making sense of your situation, your future prospects, and yourself.

But, I think the most important thing you've written is that you KNOW you have to go see someone, and as I said, those are your instincts. People really, REALLY underestimate how accurate those can be.

OP

TBH the way you explained this was kind of perfect. In spite of growing up poor, and my home culture being uneducated, I'm trained in the sciences. And just-- I dunno, I think just terming it in the way that my education and training is activated explains this in a whole new light.

My body and what it does is science. Perfect! Now I just need someone who is learned in that particular brand of science to check over my results ahaha.

(Also thank you for bolstering my confidence in my instincts. I have just so long hung back and thought to myself that I was just blowing shit out of proportion.)

Anyway, thank you.

Well I don't know if anything I can tell you would help with the cultural aspect, but I can tell you that it's unlikely you need to be terrified. Going to the doctor can be frustrating if there are long waits, and sometimes rather uncomfortable depending on what tests or exams they have to do, but in most cases the apprehension turns out to be worse than the actual experience.

If you've never been, I'd be happy to describe some of what you can expect, and I imagine others here would too.

9.5/10

All that's missing is some wank.

The thought struck me too, as it sounds like OP is defending a destructive cult.

But if it's a real person describing a real culture, that would be a heartbreaking waste and who are we to put stones to a burden like that? But yeah, hope it is a troll really. It's the better option.

Look, I know you have cultural issues with doctors - I've read through your replies. And so I'm not just repeating what others have said just to have a say in this thread. I'm writing this comment to try to clarify something others have not said. And that is this: you have two choices and only two choices, go to the doctor or don't.

You know (or can imagine) what will happen if you don't: you health will probably get worse. Your family may end up ostracising you anyway for being 'weak' in this eventuality. If your health gets bad enough you may end up in a situation where you'll be taken to a hospital against your will no matter what, e.g. if you collapse in a public place. (I don't know how the US health system works but I assume that would more expensive than going to a GP now.) And, worse case scenario, you may die.

Or you could go to the doctor now. Your family might give you a hard time about it - or you might be able to explain your health was bad enough to justify it, even in your culture. Or you could just not tell them. Yes, you might not get any answers - or you might need several follow up visits, visits to specialists, various medications and a lot of cash to get healthy again. Or your problem might be as simple to solve as one (secret) visit and one piece of advice e.g. cut out a certain type of food. Most likely scenario is that, if it doesn't save your life, a doctor's visit would save your quality of life. And if it doesn't well, no harm no foul and more grist to your culture's anti-medical mill, right? (Not that I agree with that type of thinking.)

But it is really one of those two choices. And the choice not to go to the doctor is the choice not to change your situation. It may be a hard choice to make, but the breakdown of your choices is simple. If you were to ask me (the distinguished anon I am) I would, as you can probably guess, tell you to go to a doctor. But I don't need to make that decision - you do. You don't need to justify your choice not to go the doctor to me in a reply - I understand that, unfortunately, the necessity of making a decision has no bearing on its difficulty - you just need to weigh up the pros and cons and be content with the decision you end up making.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2443 ]

Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up

Re: Diagnosis: fucked up