fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2446 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2446 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

04. [WARNING for gore, blood, etc]

[How To Train Your Dragon]

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05. [WARNING for child abuse]

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06. [WARNING for rape]

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07. [WARNING for rape]

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08. [WARNING for torture]

[Fall Out Boy's "The Phoenix"]

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09. [WARNING for underage]

[pokemon conquest]

Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I mean...what is boring about it? If you are bored because you are craving sexual attention, you may not be asexual. If you are craving physical (non-sexual) contact like cuddles and such, there ARE places you can find that. Just be careful and all that. If you are craving friendship, then go out and make some new friends. Being asexual shouldn't really affect platonic relationships.

So much of how people bond is talking about sexual relationships. I can't get away from conversations where people talk about who they like, etc. and it's either fake it and feel like a fraud, or sit there quietly and not really be able to join in. Plus the intensity of emotion that all this sexual/romantic feeling seems to come with... I feel like my life would be richer if I could experience it.

I am aware that I need to make more friends though, it's something I'm working on.

While you should not doing anything you hate, if you are sort of ambivalent towards sex (as opposed to hating it), there are plenty of asexuals who have sexual relationships with their sexual partners. Find a guy (or gal) with a low sex drive and you can have the intimacy and all that.

Do you find that you are not interested in ROMANTIC partnerships at all or just sexual ones?

I think it would take a lot of psyching myself up to engage in sex. I've tried to cultivate an ambivalent attitude towards it (and in a way it's worse because I have a libido and I don't mind reading smutfic etc.) but the whole idea of having sex when the desire isn't THERE is just... ugh. The only time it seems remotely doable is when I'm drunk, and I'm sure as hell not going to put someone in that iffy-consent situation.

Same with dating; I'm not interested at all. I am going to date, I think, for the companionship, but I feel guilty at the thought of being in a relationship where they're in love with me romantically but I basically see them as a best friend.

Obviously I don't have your perspective on this, but I can speak from experience that trying to go through with sex when you are legit not feeling it is the fucking worst.

I did some dumb shit in my younger days. Learned from it. So know I say that part from experience.

Even if drunk, especially if drunk, you are going to come out of it going "oh god was that a mistake." If you had to get smashed to get through it, that tells you something.

DA, and not asexual, but there is a certain social aspect that's lacking when you're not in a relationship. Most social events involve couples, so you end up being the single person everyone talks to the same way they talk to the children. Your friends get married and you're suddenly the third wheel. It doesn't always have to be like this, but it can make things a little boring and lonely.

This too! This is more an aromantic thing than an asexual thing but still relevant - I'm scared of being left behind. There's a lot of pressure in knowing I'm probably going to be entirely self-sufficient forever, and at the same time I don't think I'm ever really going to have 'grown up' in the eyes of my family. If you've got a partner, at least you've got someone to split the rent and your worries with.

DA

Another asexual here. Sex always gets portrayed as this amazing wonderful thing and sexual desire is this strong exciting thing and I feel like I'm missing out on a huge important meaningful part of life that other people experience with all its passionate ups and downs. It would be exciting to see someone and go wow that person is hot and feel some sort of desire for them but there's just nothing there and imagining having sex with even people I think are aesthetically pleasing only weirds me out.

Imagine what it'd be like to be unable to crave food. You can eat food, and food can still taste pretty good when you do, but you'll never get that satisfying feeling of omg I want a cheeseburger so bad right now / yessss this is exactly what I wanted.

Exactly this. Thanks for providing the analogy, and for understanding. :)

Maybe you haven't found the 'food' you're looking for?

Is it more important that "everyone else is doing it" and you aren't? (By the way, everyone else is not doing it. A lot are, and a lot aren't for various reasons.)

Do you believe the lack of desire for sex to be some character flaw? Do you just want to claim something so that you can share it in conversation?

Sorry if I'm being intrusive. I was just throwing some questions out there. IMO you're only missing out if it's something you really want to do, not something you only *wish* you want to do. If that makes sense.

(OP) For myself, it's not that other people are doing it and I'm not, so much as other people want to do it and I don't. Sexual and romantic attraction seem to drive almost everything and are constantly presented as these amazing, intense, life-affirming things, and it's what people bond over and everyone seems to be able to relate to, even if they're not necessarily having sex at that time.

I do understand that asexuality is a natural part of me but at the same time, I do kind of see it as a flaw, I suppose. I never really got over feeling 'broken' in some way.

It boils down to 'wanting to want', if that makes sense.

Perhaps gay men haven't found the woman they're looking for? Perhaps lesbians haven't found the right man? Do you believe those also?

LMFAO

How do you get that from my post?

Obviously gay men and women have found what they're looking for. Otherwise, they wouldn't be gay, and wouldn't know that they're gay.

This is about a lack of desire. Maybe there is some to be found, but maybe there isn't. And maybe there's nothing wrong with either. As I said, just throwing some questions out there.

Gay men desire men, and have a lack of desire for women. Maybe they havent found the woman they're looking for?

Lesbians desire women, and have a lack of desire for men. Maybe they havent found the man they're looking for?

Asexuals can desire relationships and intimacy but have a lack of desire for sex. Maybe they haven't found the sex they're looking for?

Explain to me the difference please? It's all about a lack of something, isn't it?

Why are you assuming I am speaking of entire groups of people? I was speaking to one person and asking about their personal experience.

[ SECRET POST #2446 ]

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