fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2447 ]

[ SECRET POST #2447 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2447 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 061 secrets from Secret Submission Post #350.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm getting kinda scared by the amount of relationships I'm juggling right now.

- A male friend with benefits. He's also my best bro. IT'S SUCH A FUCKING BAD IDEA, but I can't deny him anything. And it's nice, I feel cared and cherished in a physical way, even if I don't get hot at all with him.

- A poly, bisexual girl from the BDSM scene (Domme) that's kinda dating me, and wants me to date her girlfriend (which I dated a couple of times some years ago before we lost touch. Yeah, that made me freak out. The world is... really small). The idea is that, if everything goes alright, we'd be a happy poly lesbic triad.

- ... I still can't let go of my on-and-off girlfriend who WON'T let /me/ go either. But doesn't want to touch me. And refuses to say she loves me. But doesn't want me touching anyone else.

To be honest, I don't know what the fuck I want, and I feel like a slut. Most of the time I enjoy myself... and after, the guilt is awful.

Keep the friend with benefits, maybe tone down on the benefits a bit, and get the poly lesbian thing going. The third option ... doesn't sound too tempting.

This is good advice and I'll keep it in mind. The problem is that I still have feelings for my kind-of-a-girlfriend and there's a part of me who wants her back. If not, I would have booted her out of my life years ago.

I'll glady take a couple of those ladies off your hands.

(Sorry, that was awful. Really I hope you get things sorted out. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about unless you are lying to any of them or being deliberately manipulative.)

No, it wasn't awful at all! You're a nice person.

... That's the problem, though. Since I'm fucking unsure of what path should I take, I haven't-- Been completely honest with any of these 4 people. Not manipulative, I despise users, and I swear to God I'm not one. But I haven't told them everything yet. Because I don't know what to do, or how to say what I mean. So yeah, I feel guilty as fuck.

Would you say a lot of your hesitation to be completely honest is because you're afraid of saying something they don't want to hear? Is it that you don't know how to say what you mean or that you don't know how to say what you mean without disappointing someone?

Aww, thanks. <3

You're going to have to come clean, and sooner is better than later. I've never been in a situation quite like this, but when I have to talk about something serious it always helps me to write a letter first. If you pretend you're writing it to them, but have no intention of ever sending it, you'll be able to be completely honest, and it'll help come up with a gentler but still direct way of saying it to their faces. You could also ask some impartial friends what they think (I guess posting on f!s counts as that?)

For what it's worth I don't think you're a bad person or a 'slut', but I do think you need to do something about this or it's not gonna get any better. And I hope it goes as well as possible for you.

There's nothing to feel guilty about, for Pete's sake.

See the comment upwards :(

For poly relationships to work, honesty is key.

So... I'm hardly one to talk but I get a serious vibe that maybe you need to chill and take some time to yourself. You sound like you prioritize other people's wants over your needs and have a hard time saying no or setting boundaries.

It doesn't sound like any of these relationships are something you really want? "I can't deny him anything," "That made me freak out," "WON'T let me go".

I'm hearing a lot about what other people want and you don't know what you want but know you're unhappy.

You are not a slut and do not have any reason to feel guilty. You might be confusing some of that guilt for emotional drainage. Sex is nice and you probably get some kind of validation from being wanted but it sounds like these arrangements aren't actually good for you or fulfilling in the long run.

I also suspect I might be projecting but I just want to say: Someone wanting you is not your responsibility or obligation, you do not owe anyone anything just because they like you, even if the attention makes you feel good.

So yeah maybe take a break and figure out what you do want before things get messy or unbearable for you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2447 ]

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