[ SECRET POST #2459 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2459 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #351.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

The situation with my friend is not yet fully salvaged. He'll be back in Saturday. I hope I can talk decently to him then.

Today I dyied my hair purple. It was something I had been wanting to do for ages! Here's a pic:



... And my on-and-off girlfriend outright told me she didn't desire me anymore. Because of the hair. I mean... there had been problems before, of every kind. It was clear she didn't want me before this. But apparently the purple hair is the straw that broke the camel's back and now I'm completely DNW for her. She says she loves me romantically, but does not desire me. And it's not an Ace/Demisexual/Whatever issue, because she did desire me before and we've been on this Rihanna-song-worthy rollercoaster for FUCKING FOUR YEARS.

I... I was so happy about the colour. I have self-esteem issues, I've always thought of myself as ugly, and I've been doing my best to change that mindset. Today I was feeling so pretty!

But... But she... *sigh* And then she says she doesn't want me to leave, either, and that she loves me, but I'm not beautiful to her, nor hot, nor... anything. I don't get it.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[starphotographs]

WTF, that's kind of dickish. :/

Your hair is really cool, by the way! I love cartoony hair colors. :D

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

I really don't get her. For me, love and desire are so intrinsecally entwined... and I swear, I would understand if she were ace! But she's not ace, and she used to desire me! Apparently, a pretty bad fight we had roughly a month ago made her feel repulsed towards me... and now she's saying she won't even look at me with this hair color. Says I look awful. I... I even said I'd dye it black back again, if that made her like me better (I don't want to! But I was willing to if it could salvage this). But she doesn't want that either. She's just... she's crying, and saying she can't even hold me, and needs time apart.

And since I'm not a douchebag... I'm giving her that time. But fuck, it hurts so much.

Thanks for the compliment. I really mean it.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[cakemage]

I'm addicted to dyeing my hair all the colors of the rainbow (right now it's a somewhat faded blue, and next week I'm going back to my old favorite, hot pink), so I'm a little bit biased, but I think your hair looks great. What's the name of the dye you used?

Also, I like your glasses and you have a pretty smile. Also also, your ex is a jerk.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

Dyeing my hair in crazy colors was something I always wanted to do. I was thinking of adding some turquoise highlights on the next session, even... (I'd love to see pics of your hair, if that's not too stalkerish!)

I really like these glasses. And thank you for complimenting me on my smile. I know I'm not conventionally beautiful... But I don't think I deserve this. It's... cruel.

DA.

[(Anonymous)]

Man, turquoise highlights would looks so absolutely FABULOUS with that shade of purple! Do it do it do it
And for what it's worth, I absolutely love the shape of your face, and how you styled your hair to look perfect with it.

I also hope you can salvage the situation with your friend completely, and that you'll get to be happy and use that smile again real soon. Take care!

Re: DA.

[lynx]

It's worth a lot! I'm not very used to get compliments, so it's really nice to know someone out there appreciates the little make-overs I've been doing, trying to look and feel better. I loved this haircut precisely for the reasons you're mentioning. And yeah, I've seen how it looks like with some turquoise and I really want it! Look: http://www.facebook.com/pelodepony

Thanks for the good wishes. I hope I can meet with my friend real soon. As for my girlfriend... I don't even know. I'm being dumped because brightly-colored hair nauseates her. It's.... isn't this kind of an overreaction?

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

OH! I didn't answer about the dye... it's home-made, I think, Fernanda (she has her own salon: "Pelo de Pony" - Pony Hair) said she prepares it herself. It's quite sturdy. I have to retouch it two weeks after the first dyeing, and after that the color will last for months. If you want me to, I can ask her about her formula :3

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[cakemage]

That's really cool! Salon-dyed hair generally does last the longest, but I just use Special Effects, which is the next best thing. Vivid, long-lasting, fairly inexpensive (it helps that I have really short hair, so one bottle lasts me two dyes) and easy to do at home. I appreciate your offer to get me the formula for yours, though!

Oh, and there are pics of my hair scattered about on my tumblr. The pic at the bottom is the most recent of me. My hair looks pretty good, but the rest of me was about to collapse when that was taken, and it kiiiiinda shows.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

A) Your hair is beautiful, and I don't mean that in a "we're all beautiful inside" kind of way, I mean that I fucking love people with hair dyed amazing colors (especially deep rich ones) and yours is exactly what would draw my eye from across the room and keep it for as long as you were in sight. Works with the cut and everything.

B) Your hair was a convenient excuse for something your girlfriend had wanted to do for a long time anyway, IMO. Do not regret your hair if it makes you feel pretty! The hair seems to be doing something for you your girlfriend apparently has not, so it seems kinda crystal to me which one needs to go, however she says she still feels about you. But I know emotions are not that simple, so I'm not about to pull a "dump her you fool" on you. Just...please keep the hair if you like it, it looks so cool.

C) I've been looking for ways to feel less ugly too. I got second piercings in both my ears (first since I was a baby!), clothes that finally fucking fit in colors that compliment me instead of make me fade into the background, and I want to get my hair braided and colored (I'm thinking very dark blue, almost black) and start weightlifting. The first steps are so hard for being so small but they're so worth it. I'm gonna keep taking those little steps to feeling better in my skin, and I hope you do, too, anon.

D) Seriously, the hair rocks.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

SA - Lol, sorry, you're obviously not anon, I'm just so used to using that around here.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

Thank you so much. Thank you so very much. I got the haircut on Tuesday, and I loved it so much. And as I said before, I've been wanting to dye my hair in a bright color for a really long while.

I've put on weight. I also tended to use clothes that made me fade into the background. And I'm really trying to change that. I want to wear clothes that fit me and make me feel comfortable with myself, and I want my outwards appearance to be an expression of myself. I was bookish, mousy and wore all black for so long... specially during the years of my depression.

(I wanted a piercing, too. Something in the eyebrow, perhaps.)

My girlfriend is dumping me as I type, actually. And insisting at the same time I ought to dye my hair black. (Black is my natural color). And... and getting angry at me. Saying her patience is over. I want to curl up and cry but I can't even do that, I'm not a crying person.

PS: I'm glad you're taking steps to feel better with yourself. I wish you utmost success with that. You're a really kind person.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

I know it hurts right now, but seriously, her saying that to you pisses me off for you. I ask my husband how he'd like my hair, what length, what color, and he just tells me to do what'll make me happy. So if I got a buzz cut and dyed it green, he would probably feel remorse, but that's because he figures that in my moment of brain-lapse that I didn't consider people would laugh at me, and he doesn't want me hurt. But in the end, he loves me for me, because if you're in love with the meat suit, you're going to be disappointed eventually.

Your hair is fabulous and you are so cute. Don't let this get you down. Nobody has the right to tell you "I don't love you because of [some part of your physical appearance] but if you just changed it to the way I like it, I'll totally love you again!" It's like a pair of mutual friends of mine that were dating and the guy told the girl he'd find her sexually attractive again if she lost the weight she gained while dating him. It had nothing to do with the weight, he was just going for a convenient excuse. He didn't want to date her anymore and made it her fault so he wouldn't be the bad guy. I wanted to punch him so hard in the face for months.

Anyway, tangent. You'll get through this, and you'll find someone that loves you whether your hair is black or purple or pink or orange, and whether you have no piercings or a hundred. :)

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

Her patience is over???? lol, by the sound of it, someone in that relationship has been very patient, but I don't think it's her!

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

your hair rocks, your girl is a jerk, leave her and do not get dragged back in no matter what

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

Thank you, kind Nonnie. I'm feeling terrible now. She dumped me barely three minutes ago.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

Your hair is awesome and your girlfriend is awful. You have gained an awesome thing and lost an awful one, so win-win. I totally understand why it doesn't feel that way right now, though, and I hope the hurt passes as swiftly and cleanly as possible.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

Thanks, Anon. I hope I can come to see it as you're presenting it - because you're right. It's just... I fought for this relationship so much.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

your hair looks amazing. if you love it, keep it. I'm sorry to hear about your relationship troubles. it sounds like things are hard for you right now, but please stay positive that the good times will come again and be kind to yourself. I'm rooting for you!!

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

Thank you for the compliments! And for rooting for me. It's really nice to know there are people out there that care. I'll do my best to not let this drag me down.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

Your girlfriend sounds like she may have a history of jerking you around like this--perhaps exploiting your self-esteem issues to control you, to keep you constantly off-balance, one-down, appeasing her? You deserve someone who will treat you better, and I hope you find them.

Also, your hair is lovely--I see lots of people with candy-colored hair, but not everybody can rock it as well as you do here--and you look very cute. The glasses and the lime-green jacket suit you, too.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

Uhm. To be honest... yes, she has. *sigh* I do love her. But she makes me feel constantly like I-- owe her. She makes me feel like I'm constantly making mistakes and that I have to compensate her for them. I... I don't want to leave her, but I wish she treated me better so much.

Thank you for your kind words on my hair. My hairdresser helped me to pick a nice purple tone that suited my skin color. I'm glad you think I'm cute, too, and like my glasses :3 I vastly prefer that pair to the other I own that has more "traditional" frames.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

I love purple, and that shade is awesome. I've never thought of this shade of purple before, but now I kind of want to try it.

Echoing what someone else already said: the hair was just an excuse for her when, as you said, she wasn't really desiring you anymore before this.

Can you live with her not wanting you even if she still loves you? :( I don't have any good advice or anything else to say other than that sucks and I'm sorry.

Good luck with your friend though! I'm hoping you guys will be fine. :)

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[lynx]

Thanks for the compliment! I can show you the other pic if you want... in normal light it looks purple, but on direct sunlight, it looks a little bit more fuchsia. My hairdresser mixed the colors herself. Try it! I bet it will look awesome on you too.

It's... it's kind of a rocky relationship, what I have with my girlfriend. I want to believe her so much when she says she loves me, but with all the things that have happened-- well. It's hard. She already wasn't a very affectionate person. Don't worry for not having any adivce. I already suspect what I should do. I just can't gather the guts to do so.

Thanks for the good wishes! I'm sure the thing with my best bro, at least will be alright.

Re: Update from yesterday, heartbreak from today.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT, and pretty late, but speaking from my own experience? Her loving you and being a shitty person are not mutually exclusive :( Reading the rest of the thread your GF seems a lot like my ex was, right down to "they were by my side when no one else was" and "I fought so hard for us".

You sound so much like I did then. As much as I'd like to hope I'm assuming, that I'm just reading too much into it based on what I've been through, that there's no denial whatsoever? The likely and painful truth is that she doesn't value your relationship and history together. That said I know this doesn't make it easier to break up - or, in our case, to stay away. It took me a long time to finally end things, and longer to feel good again. I won't deny that being alone was scary at first, but in the end it was still better than being with my ex.

Whatever you do, please put your own wellbeing first, and keep rocking that hair!