fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2470 ]

[ SECRET POST #2470 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2470 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Homestuck, Teen Wolf, Supernatural and Sherlock]

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03.

[Supernatural]

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04.

[Watashi ga motenai no wa dou kangaetemo omaera ga warui]

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05.

[Agents of SHIELD]

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06.

[Sleepy Hollow]

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07.

[Fullmetal Alchemist]

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08.

[World of Warcraft]

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09.

[Pacific Rim]

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10.

[Richard III in "The White Queen"]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 044 secrets from Secret Submission Post #353.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Deanoning because why the hell not.

This was me. Pay attention to what I wrote in answer to Noodles specially, because I think, that's the core of the issue.

Blanking all the rest so you can skip it if you want.

So I tried to get away from her (again) and was in the process of doing so. I didn't had the guts to block her from everywhere, though, so she still had leverage on me and didn't want to let me go. I was convinced I was going to be able to make it this time, so I considered officially my "ex" for a while, continued the RP, and tried to start anew. Following some advice I got, I started going out with a girl from the LGTB group of my former university, that I knew that wanted to date me. Because I'm a needy fuck that's too scared of being alone, I guess. That's when my best bro entered the picture and things got even more confusing.

... And things went to hell with the girl from the LGTB group, who turned up to be as every bit as abusive and creepy as my ex-girlfriend; only she actually lived in my city, so the abuse started faster and I actually noticed something was VERY wrong before it was too late.

... I also started having problems with my best bro. At least I got to... fix that, afterwards. I think he has forgiven me, but we still haven't been able to see each other IRL.

In a moment of weakness, I took my long-distance-ex back. It turned out to be a mistake.

Now I'm having daily fights with her and I'm... I'm really tired. She says she needs me as a support, because she's going through a rough patch at Uni, but doesn't care at all about my own emotions. It was a common thing I felt used by her, but now it's more clear than ever, and I know I should perpetually block her from everything but she makes me feel shitty for even thinking of leaving "while she needs me the most".

Additional data: Also going through withdrawals, because I'm off my medication now, and that doesn't help matters. And the broncopneumonia that sent me to the ER is still going on, though at least THAT is receding. I feel like all the progress I made in my psych treatment is rewinding as I fall back in the old patterns again and again. Actual definition of Insanity by Einstein applies.

I apologize, I know this shit should go in my personal journal, but right now I'm feeling really, really lonely. Can't talk about this to my family. My IRL friends have deserted me, and I only have you :(

Edited 2013-10-08 00:41 (UTC)

*hugs*

*hugs back*

I'm sorry. I wish I knew what to say or do, but I don't know. All I can offer you is internet hugs, if you want them.

No, no, I get it. It's a clusterfuck, don't worry about not knowing what to say. The internet hugs are really needed, and deeply appreciated.

*hugs* Is therapy an option? My doctor suggested therapy for my anxiety, but I'm scared to do it. Maybe we could both try it.

I've been seen a therapist since the last period of 2010. I really like her, she's a kindly old woman that has never judged me... but she's a psychoanalist. Which means I have to sit and talk, and talk, and talk, and she's just there being supportive... and I'm supposed to be self-enlightened by my own conclusions and take action after that.

What you need, if you have anxiety troubles, is a cognitive-behavioral psychologist. I should have go there from the start, TBH, but now I'm too invested with my psychoanalist to seek another therapist. I'm scared of what I might find, because it took me years to find a good psychologist. But please, do give it a try (or more). Anxiety is awful, you don't need to live like that.

Drop the ex-relationships in your life. It seems like both women are draining you and you don't need that right now or ever. You're not their mother and shouldn't have to babysit them and their needs. Focus on you and getting better.

You keep saying you deserve it in your previous post, but YOU DON'T. YOU NEVER DESERVE THE ABUSE OF OTHERS EVEN IF YOU GO BACK TO THEM. EVER.

Going back to someone who is bad for you doesn't make you a bad person. Doesn't mean you deserve their treatment because you don't believe you are strong enough to get away. She doesn't "need you" she just wants to use you for her own needs. That's not a relationship you deserve or need yourself.

Try to join a new RP group, anything. Just get rid of your ex and her emotional toxicity.

It sounds like (to me) the stress of your relationships is making your physical and mental health worse. You have to learn how to take care of yourself. It will be really tough and it sucks that you're off your meds right now, but it's something you'll have to do, even if it takes time and strength you don't believe you have (but you do), I hope you are able to.

Just because you've fallen into old patterns doesn't mean you can't learn from them or change your behaviour in the future.

Glad to hear things are getting better with you and your best bro.

Also hugs if wanted and I wish the best for you.

Edited (added the end.) 2013-10-08 01:26 (UTC)

I was able to sucessfully drop the ex from my city. Maybe because there was a lot less emotional and creative baggage going on there. But my first one...

God, I know -in my mind- you're right. I just can't feel it.

There's nowhere in Spanish I can join in (I was talking about it yesterday, in fact), and I don't know how to really RP at Tumblr or Forums, so I'm kinda screwed in that aspect. Besides, that's a story we've been working on since 2009... If only, the idea of leaving the story unfinished breaks my heart. And I have attempted to find new partners, too. They just don't... tend to stick around *sigh*

Thank you for everything, hon. I'll keep on trying to get away from this mental place I'm stuck on. And hugs are always, always wanted. *hugs*

Go you for dropping your ex in the city :) Even if dropping her doesnt feel like a big victory, it no doubt took a lot of courage and strength and you should be proud of yourself.

I'm sorry that you can't find people to RP with. And it sucks, but you have to let go of the story to let go of her. Letting go of a story is never easy , but you have to find a new story to create. One that doesn't hurt.

It might take a while to find another RP partner, but In the meantime you can focus on you and getting better.

You might not have realized it, but you are trying to get out to the mental place youre stuck on. And you have made progress and you should be proud of what you've archived (breaking up with one ex is a big breakthrough).

*hugs again*

A-ahaha, it's more like she dropped me first, but I was so very glad she did. Everything with her was looking like a flashback/second serving of my first relationship. To my credit, though, I can say I did block her from everywhere and haven't contacted since then.

You're right about the story. I know you are. It just feels so awful, I've put so much of myself into that character it's like he's almost interwoven with me. I don't know how I'll manage to let go of him. I had never felt more identified with a character, in any fandom, and he's been mine even since before I started RPing with my ex.

Thank you for cheering on me, honey. I'm trying, I swear I am. It just doesn't feel like I've done enough, y'know? But I'll try my best to stay positive.

*Hugs back*

None of this is your fault. If you can find the strength to leave her, I'll bake you a cake, but if you can't, that doesn't make you weak or undeserving of a better life. She is an abuser and you're a survivor. These "old patterns" you're falling into aren't on you; they're an illness that she is causing. It might take a little bit longer than you hoped to shake it off, but it sounds like your understanding of it is getting better each time. You will be able to overcome her, and when you do, you're really cute and will be able to find the relationship that you deserve. ♥

Sorry for replying at this so late. I was really tired yesterday and went early to bed. But I wanted to thank you nevertheless, for your kind words and good advice. It's nice to hear/read that it's not all that much my fault. I need to start believing on that.

Thank you for everything.

It sounds like you might want to take a step back from romantic relationships in general. I don't mean that in a 'OMG!' way - just because it sounds like what you've been through might be something you need to process before moving on to someone new. But idk, that's just what I would need to do.

Also, find a new rp partner. It sucks, I know that. Hell, I'm in the process of doing that now - but it's *worth* it to get away from horrible [semi-abusive?] partners. The comms on lj can be a little dead [depending on fandom], but they can sometimes generate awesome results for it, if that's what you decide to do.

-coughs- Of course, just my thoughts - which are probably totally worthless and bossy, sorry. @_@

Edited 2013-10-08 01:56 (UTC)

seconding the bit about quitting dating for a good while

like, give yourself a few years at least, OP

you keep repeating the same patterns over and over in your choice of partners (and friends?) and it's shredding your self-esteem to bits

better be on your own romantically/sexually for a while until you figure yourself out

No, no, my friend is alright. He's the best guy you could imagine, it's me who doesn't measure up to our friendship. The girls, on the other hand...

And yes, it has shredded my self-esteem. I'm trying to regain it, but it's a long process. I should have never attempted to date anyone again so quickly after my first break-up. The worst thing is that the new girl seemed so caring at first... but then I noticed (and fast!) she and my ex were made from the same fabric.

No, no, it's not bossy nor worthless. It's good advice, to be honest. I shouldn't have even tried to go out with someone else while I was still hung up on my ex. The saying in Spanish goes "Un clavo saca a otro clavo" (and I have no idea if it has any English equivalent), but it's total bullshit. If only because you can't "take out a nail with another one", you need a hammer for that, and it will still leave a hole and-- I'm sorry, I think the metaphore is running away from me. But yeah, I get it.

I've tried to find new RP partners but none have stuck. It seems like this days nobody wants to be commited to a long-term plot :( I wish you luck in your search. I haven't looked in LJ, because-- well, it is kinda dead. And TBH I'd love to RP in my mother language. All my online activities are in English and that's killing me, because despite having a good grasp on the language I don't feel I'm good enough to consistently RP a character.

(There's no dancinc around it, she's an abusive partner. *sigh*)

Edited 2013-10-09 01:39 (UTC)

I don't offer a lot of hugs around here so... /hugs. :( I'm sorry all this crap is happening to you at once especially.

I agree with the above comment about ditching the exes. Time to start anew, I think.

Sorry for replying so late. I went to bed early yesterday, I was so exhausted. But I wanted you to know I really appreciate the hugs and good wishes. *hugs back* It's been extra-hard, because indeed there're a lot of things going on at the same time and I just can't handle it as gracefully as I'd like.

I managed to ditch one of the exes, at least. Still have to deal with the other one. You're right on your advice, I need to learn how to let go of her.

I wish that I had some good advice for you but really all I have is sympathy. I've never been in an abusive relationship, but I have been in a relationship where every thirty seconds I did something "wrong" and he wouldn't speak to me anymore. I spent a good six months dealing with that bullshit but finally got to move on by straight-up isolating myself from him. that's all I can suggest regarding both girls...if they text you? don't answer. if they message you on any platform? don't answer. if they call you?...don't answer! and you'll feel lonely and you'll want to respond because the good times were so good but those people sound like the worst times ever and the only thing you can do is toss them in the trash and close the lid. you have a future without them. a long one and a good one! a cheap thrill sounds better than no thrill, but truly truly truly, sitting alone talking to no one is better than sitting on the phone with your girlfriend hating yourself because somehow it's your fault again.

and I don't know why you can't tell this to your family. is there some reason preventing you from doing so or do you just not think that they'll understand? because I think they should know.

Sympathy is quite alright. Don't worry about not having advice, because in the end, I do know what I should do. I just, for reasons I can't understand, actually do it. It saddens me that you went through that, because I know how it is. The way that person you care so much about seems to be angered by minimal things, and the feeling of being in the middle of a minefield. I'm glad you got out. I really am.

I was able to successfully block from everywhere the girl from the LGTB group. Can't do the same still with my first ex, but I am trying to step away, however slowly. Because whenever I've went cold-turkey, I've felt worse. So I guess the only way I'll actually manage to do it is weaning myself slowly.

I can't tell my family, because they're sick of hearing me complain about this, and think I ditched my ex on february. Same thing with my IRL friends. They can't know I went back, I'd just feel too pathethic, because it should've ended months ago, indeed. Also, my mother isn't that ok with me being a lesbian, and doesn't seem able to grasp why I would willingly stay somewhere I'm getting abused.

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