[ SECRET POST #2510 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2510 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 092 secrets from Secret Submission Post #359.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Santa

[tabaqui]

Santa has nothing to do with Xianity, so i'm really not sure why you keep pairing them.

A magical 'old elf' brings toys to children on Xmas. It's fun. It *is* magical when you're little, and when you get older and realize that you can 'be Santa' for other people, it's just as awesome.

Not sure why Santa is so horrible to you that you'd actively try to scrub it from your hypothetical children's lives. And yes, i have a child, and yes, we told her about Santa. And yes, she had so much fun at Xmas (we're atheists) and when she started to go 'i don't really think Santa is real', it was no big deal. We also did the Tooth Fairy, and 'she' left notes and one time my SO photoshopped a picture of the TF hovering over my daughter's bed. Which she thought was awesome.

And, again - when she gradually understood that it wasn't real? There were no histrionics or trauma. So, you know - what's the harm of a little whimsey and magic in a kid's life?

Re: Santa

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, pairing the two because Christmas is about both Santa and Christianity? Sometimes both, sometimes only one or the other.

Not OP but I hated the Santa thing once I found out the truth. I felt lied to and betrayed and stupid afterwards. If I have kids I'll do the Santa thing but I'll be telling the kids about the mythology of Santa and have it be a fun thing without stressing the "he's really real!" part. I don't find that magical.

But I'd also stress respecting others beliefs and not ruining the fun for other kids.

Re: Santa

[(Anonymous)]

...how old were you when you stopped believing? 12?

Re: Santa

[(Anonymous)]

Around 8 I think.

Re: Santa

[tabaqui]

Yes, it is, but you don't have to have Xianity to have Santa, and a lot of really hard-core Xians hate the whole 'Santa' deal as 'commercializing their' holiday.

Wow. I can't even imagine. I didn't feel any of that, it just...sort of gradually became clear it was a pretend thing, but Xmas still never stopped being wonderful and magical because of that for me.

Not every kid is traumatized by Santa.

Re: Santa

[(Anonymous)]

I think MOST kids are not traumatized.

Re: Santa

[tabaqui]

Me, too.

Re: Santa

[(Anonymous)]

No, not every kid is traumatized by the idea of Santa. But I don't think not having Santa is some kind of cruelty to children.

Christmas never stopped being wonderful. I love the holiday and love giving gifts and celebrating family, which is why I would carry on those aspects of it if I ever had kids.

Re: Santa

[tabaqui]

No, i don't think it's cruel particularly, but it's not *harmful*, either. What's the big deal about a little magic and pretend? Kids pretend *all kinds* of things are real - Santa, elves, superheroes, monsters in the closet....

I guess i don't see the point in this sober, kinda boring 'no, no, Santa's not real' thing. It comes across as either too straight-laced and unimaginative for words, or enjoying spoiling other people's fun in a kind of snobby way.

Re: Santa

[(Anonymous)]

See my problem is that I think your view is too either/or. Like not saying Santa is real is suddenly unimaginative and not fun. You can have a lot of fun with myths and games and pretending without also trying to say things are real. It's not straight-laced or boring at all in my view.

Re: Santa

[tabaqui]

So, how do you have fun with myths and games and pretending...but Santa is the only one that's off limits? Seems kinda strange to pick *one* pretend to exclude.

And what if it backfires? What if your kid comes home from Kindergarten or whatever in tears, accusing you of lying and being mean because *all the kids* and the teacher, too, at school said Santa is real and 'your mom/dad' is mean/wrong/stupid/making it up to cheat you out of presents?

Re: Santa

[(Anonymous)]

You're misunderstanding me. I would include the myth of Santa in the fun, I just would never try and say that Santa is real.

I don't really understand your hypothetical. My kids wouldn't be unaware of Santa or anything. It's not like it would be a surprise that others believe in it. Same as any other religion or belief.

Re: Santa

[tabaqui]

Because if you're saying 'Santa's not real, it's just people buying stuff', and all the other kids (and some of the adults) your kid knows are saying 'of course Santa is real, he lives at the North Pole! I wrote him a letter! He brought me a Hot Wheels last year!!', your kid might, possibly, start thinking *you* are the one lying for some weird reason, instead of them.

Just a thought - kids brains don't work like adults brains, and you never know just where they'll end up with the information their given.

Re: Santa

[otakugal15]

Treat the Santa thing as a story, which in truth, it really is.

You know that animated movie that is the origin for Santa? He was a little toy maker who ended up losing his shop and such? Use that, bu treat is a fantastical, fun myth instead of saying he's "real."

Now, if your kids wanna pretend he's real because of it? No harm done and it's still fun.

Santa doesn't have to be and either or here.

Re: Santa

[cassandraoftroy]

While I don't think doing the usual Santa thing with kids is cruel or traumatizing or anything, it's only "pretend" if you're letting the kid in on the joke from the start. Otherwise you're just telling the kid that something is real when it isn't. In one case, it's a fun game; in the other, the kid's just being lied to. In my case, I felt like I had to try to believe even after the whole Santa thing had stopped making sense to me, and that was difficult and unpleasant.

Re: Santa

[tabaqui]

Except it's not a joke, it's a bit of magical whimsy. When my oldest brother got old enough to realize it wasn't real, he helped my mom and dad make it 'real' for us by saying he heard reindeer hooves on the roof. Man, how we envied him his ability to stay up later and *hear Santa*!

To each their own, but it's baffling to me that something as silly and fun as Santa is freighted with all this weight of 'lie' and 'trauma'. So much of childhood is make believe and pretending and 'if we get to the corner before the light changes, we can get ice cream'.... I'd hate to think of my childhood stripped of things like that.

Re: Santa

[cassandraoftroy]

*shrug* I guess I just don't get what's more fun about being tricked into believing something that isn't true. If it's about whimsy and pretend, a kid can get just as much enjoyment out of it knowing that they're pretending, and without the added stress and cognitive dissonance that can arise. (Speaking from my own childhood, I had erroneously convinced myself that if I stopped believing in Santa, I wouldn't get presents anymore, so I ended up trying to force myself to believe even though it no longer made sense. I could've done without that.)

Re: Santa

[(Anonymous)]

It's not pretending if the kid doesn't know it's pretending. Otherwise it's a lie. Which whatever, some people lie to their kids for fun or protection. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with it, I just don't understand why people get so angry about people choosing not to lie in that manner.

Re: Santa

[(Anonymous)]

Except for mall Santa. That Santa can be traumatizing. ;-)

Re: Santa

[tabaqui]

Yes, yes he can.
*shudders*

Re: Santa

[lunabee34]

this was pretty much our experience too.

Emma believed in Santa Claus and then she started to wonder and then she straight up asked and we told her the truth and she was all, okay. LOL A few days later, she came up to me and said, "This explains a lot about the Tooth Fairy." (I'd always forget to put her tooth fairy money under her pillow, and then I'd have to palm some change and pretend the tooth fairy was bad at her job and had put it under a toy or on the dresser or something LOL).

I'm sure that this is some people's experience, but I have never known anyone in real life who was upset or traumatized by finding out that Santa isn't real.

Re: Santa

[othellia]

I found out the tooth fairy wasn't real a lot sooner than Santa through scientific experimentation.

The times I lost a tooth and made a big fuss (OMG MOM LOOK I LOST A TOOTH), there'd be change underneath my pillow the next morning. The times I kept it secret, there wasn't.

Felt slightly disappointed at that, but the accomplishment of discovery made up for it.

Re: Santa

[diet_poison]

dude, that is so awesome. You were using the scientific process as a kid, complete with independent and dependent variables. :D I like the way you think.

Re: Santa

[diet_poison]

haha, actually my "enlightenment" started with the tooth fairy because my mom was a bit lax about making sure I was asleep before doing the exchange one night.

Maybe part of the reason it wasn't upsetting was realizing hey, this is all actually my parents doing really nice things for me and giving me cool things. Didn't take long to make the connection with Santa and the Easter Bunny too (catalyzed by the realization that the wrapping paper we stored in our house somehow managed to be all the same patterns Santa was using to wrap our gifts). It didn't change the outcome, and it didn't really change the way I felt about the holidays. I never felt lied to; I assumed it was just a thing all parents did.

Re: Santa

[tabaqui]

Heeee!
Oh, man, i forgot a couple times, too - you feel so awful! But it was fun to write notes. The Bebe always wrote notes to the tooth fairy and to santa, too.

One time i forgot the easter basket and had to duck outside and do it up and go 'oh, look, he left it in the flower bed, he must have thought you needed to go outside!
*giggles*