[ SECRET POST #2542 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2542 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 027 secrets from Secret Submission Post #363.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

12. http://oi43.tinypic.com/oh6ol.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

This is a rough moment in history, because of the global economy. You are so not alone. Do what you can to be happy and successful, and don't beat your self up. Especially not by comparing yourself to fictional people.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel like I could have made this secret, though I've already turned 30. Absolutely no advice, sorry, but at least you're not alone?

[(Anonymous)]

Exact same thing. I felt that too "Is this me?!". Except I'm turning 32 in a handful of days.

[(Anonymous)]

Same. Though I just turned 33. OP is definitely not alone.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm 37, and I feel like I could have written your secret. You are not alone, no matter what age you are.

[(Anonymous)]

You, me and almost everyone else I know. Fiction hasn't caught up to reality yet, and I wonder if it ever will.

[(Anonymous)]

Stop comparing yourself to fictional people on sitcoms. They're just some simplified notion of how things "should" work digested by pop culture. Much better to find people your age from a similar background to you. I feel shitty about my life too, but knowing people like me who are several years into their career makes me feel like it's achievable?

[(Anonymous)]

Comparing yourself to fictional characters isn't healthy, but maybe it's a good moment to think about some things you could change that would make you feel better about how things are going for you: starting a regular exercise habit, taking up a social activity that gets you out of the house, something. In this economy finding a better job is tough, but finding some better life experiences of some kind is rarely impossible.

[logicbutton]

Oh, dude, the cult of youth in entertainment is so fucked up. I just turned 30 myself, and even though I was (and am) super excited about it, I've been noticing more and more just how ridiculously young pretty much everything skews. But it's just another way that fiction is unrealistic.

Given that, one thing that helps is to give yourself a reality check. Find some stories about people who had a lot of trouble getting started, or had to start over later in life, or worked their asses off just to get by but then had some serious stroke of luck at like age 60. It helps to remind yourself that life doesn't stop at some arbitrary age; it lasts as long as you're alive.

Secret 12 - Characters in fiction, aging

[transcriptanon]

[Picture is Ted Mosby, as portrayed by Josh Radnor, from the TV series "How I Met Your Mother". He is a man with light olive skin, short, fluffy brown hair and dark eyes. He is wearing a dark gray shirt, a brown jacket and holding a yellow umbrella under the rain.]

I'm turning 30 in just over a week and I'm Scared To Death. I can't help comparing myself to all the characters I've seen on TV turning 30, and I find myself lacking. I still live with my parents, my shitty job doesn't even cover my few bills, I'm broke all the time, I'm overweight and I hate my appearance, I've never been married or had kids or even had a serious relationship. I dropped out of school after getting an Associate of Art degree, and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I have friends who are older than me and are less well-off, so I know my life could be worse, but I often get so depressed that I barely have the energy to work and sleep, and then I get more depressed that I'm not doing more with my life.

I feel like I've wasted the last ten years.

Too long; didn't read: Fictional characters turning 30 have their lives way more put-together than mine, and that makes me depressed about my life.

[(Anonymous)]

Depression is a tough cycle to get out of, particularly if you're unemployed and don't have health insurance. If you do have insurance, I'd highly recommend getting to a psychiatrist (so much easier said than done) because antidepressants can really, really help you get over the first hurdle to start making other changes.

That said, TV characters are going to have more interesting lives than you, for a couple of reasons. First, you're seeing 22 minutes that presumably covers a week in the character's lives. Let's take HIMYM, since it was used in the secret. There's 5 main characters x 60 minutes/hour, x 16 hours/day (8 hours for sleeping) x 7 days per week = 33,600 person-minutes. And we see 22 of them, or 0.065% (less than 1 percent) of all the person-minutes available, not adjusting for overlapping screentime. It goes back to the saying about not comparing yourself to people on facebook, because what you're doing is comparing your blooper reel to everyone else's featured highlights.

But second, most people aren't looking to media for cases as depressed as they are. Watching people stay in, cook boring meals, and watch TV or play board games with their friends is not terribly interesting to watch (I mean, I guess Wil Wheaton has a show about playing games, but it's a webseries, not network broadcast, yaknow?). The kinds of apartments and furnishings people have when they don't make a lot of money just don't play well on screen - so you see a lot of colorful walls (rather than say, a colorful sheet tacked to the wall because you aren't allowed to paint).

[forgottenjester]

They're probably doing better than you because they're fake characters with fake problems and fake goals. You, on the other hand, are a real person with real problems and real goals. Everything is handed to them by an all-powerful writer who wants their lives to be perfect. You don't have that ease.

Really, fake characters will always have it better because they're fake. Always.

[chlorhexidine]

I'd ask if you're me except for one very important difference:

I don't compare myself to fictional characters.

That is a fantasy, that is an ideal, that is a construct who has followed a script crafted by the person or people with the power to affect the entire world around it in order to put it in that exact position.

In the real world, shit happens. In fictional media the entire world in which that character exists has been deliberately manipulated to allow them to be in a given position before the story even begins. That is not the story of your life, or mine, or hundreds of thousands of others, so stop beating yourself up over this perception that your life does not measure up.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't compare yourself with fictional characters. Actually, since you're already depressed about your life, don't compare yourself with anyone. At moments like that it's too easy to see everyone as better even if you, rationally, know that there's always someone in a worst situation.

And once you manage to feel calmer, think about what do you want. Or at least what you don't like about your life.

I don't know anyone who knows exactly what to do with their life, but I do many people who are happy working on small goals for the time being.
It may seem to simple, but thinking how can you achieve something or how can you change something you dislike, and then doing it can make you feel better.

[(Anonymous)]

I actually ended up homeless and unemployed for about 6 monthes a year ago, I'm 29 and I fully understand your terror. A friend told me something at the time that has stuck with me, he pointed out that as long as you make it through your 20s without doing these 3 things you're good -

1. Dying
2. Catching an incurable disease
3. Accidentally getting pregnant or getting someone else pregnant

Its a cliche but reality is life is about finding yourself and if you're unhappy throw it all to the wind and change things. The worst that can happen is you die, anything else you can recover from as long as you keep moving forward.

[(Anonymous)]

I could have written this secret, and seriously: the worst thing you can do for yourself right now is to believe that you're alone in this. Nobody's 100% perfect, 100% happy or 100% satisfied.

[(Anonymous)]

You can do what I do and pretend you're turning 21 for the 9th time.

[(Anonymous)]

Fictional characters also live in huge, magazine-style homes when earning minimum wage. Don't worry about it, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

You are definitely not alone. I hope you see some light at the end of the tunnel and find some joy in life in this new year. If you are able, some workshops in self-esteem might help, if not actual therapy.

[dragonimp]

Of course fictional characters are doing better than you, they're written that way! The same writers who invent obstacles for them also hand them the tools to overcome them and make sure the right opportunities fall into their paths at the right time. Real life doesn't work that way.

Right now? The economy sucks. The job market sucks. There's a lot of us "older kids" still living with parents and who need help paying our bills.

Have you sought help for the depression? Because it's a bitch and a half to deal with on your own. It drags down every other aspect of your life and makes it ten times as hard to do things like get a better job, get a degree, etc. Please, from someone who's been there (and still ends up there), look into treatment.

[(Anonymous)]

Not going to say anything that others have already said, except that I wish there are more stories regard to struggles of people like us. I watch things about Royal Problems (TM) and I just get so fucking bored.

[mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com]

The attitude is what makes people old before their time.

When I turned 30, I thought it was a monumental joke. I'm 35 now and I find it a monumental joke that I feel I can legitimately call myself "middle-aged".

I also found my first grey hairs a monumental joke, and I started finding them when I was 27.

[(Anonymous)]

In less than a month I'm going to be 28, and the sooner I come to 30 the more I begin to worry that my life is a shitty one. I'm in a similar situation to you, and it doesn't help that I also compare my life to my two best friends who are 6 and 9 months younger than me and they seem to be doing well in most parts of their lives and I feel like my life blows in comparison. So yeah...you're not alone, OP. I compare my life to others, fiction and RL, so I really feel you. Best I can say is try your best to be thankful of what you do have, and know that there are a lot of us who feel much like you.

[(Anonymous)]

You feel like you've wasted the last ten years?

It could be a lot worse, Anon.

You could have PEAKED in the last ten years.

Just focus on your own thing, and like everyone else says, don't hold yourself to unrealistic standards (fake people on fake shows). Everyone is unique, and society will always find something about your life to throw a stink about.

There's got to be something Anon likes to do. If you have time to compare yourself to fictional characters, you have time to think about something you genuinely like to do.