fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2555 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2555 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Attack on Titan/Shingeki No Kyojin]

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03.

[The Muppet Movie]

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04.

[Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen]

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05.

[Frozen]

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06.

[Once Upon a Time]

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07.

[Dissonance]

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08.

[Zooey Deschanel]

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09.

[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]

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10.

[Eona: The Last Dragoneye]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 038 secrets from Secret Submission Post #364.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 2 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Some background info on this secret. My mother has cancer, and it's been really hard on her obviously. Since I am the only child still living with her, the responsibility of staying calm and unemotional falls on me. As i don't want to stress her out any more than she is, I do whatever i can to not be sad or depressed or angry. Usually this is ok, but sometimes it gets to be a lot to handle.

I understand this. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer less than a year after my father died. It's difficult to deal with. I really hope that you have some outlet to deal with it, even if it is just a friend to talk to. And I also hope that everything works out for you. *hugs*

I'm sorry, OP. That sounds like a terrible, depressing situation for the both of you.

I've been doing my best to take care of (and spend time with) my mother too (who, as far as I know, doesn't have cancer), so I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for you guys. Obviously you mean well and I'm sure she appreciates your support, but you need to take time for yourself, too.

IDK how you do it without showing emotion. :( Holding all those feelings inside can be really toxic. I hope things improve, but try to think of yourself too; she wouldn't want you suffering either.

I'm so sorry, OP. If you can, get a friend to listen to you or, if you can afford it, a therapist. From experience, it's better to let it out than let it consume you.

Best of wishes to you and your mom, OP!

Edited 2014-01-01 01:13 (UTC)

Completely off-topic, but who is that in your icon?

She's Oruha from the manga Clover by CLAMP.

Please don't take this the wrong way but maybe therapy would be good for you right now. Someone that is there just to listen to you. Just because your mom is sick doesn't mean you should have to turn off your emotions. That isn't healthy and hopefully your mom wouldn't want that either.

This. It's wrong and unhealthy for you to have to turn off your own emotions to make someone else happy. You have just as much of a right to be sad and depressed and angry as she does.

This. You don't necessarily have to see a psychologist, you could see a counsellor. Going to therapy doesn't mean you're weird or strange - people go for all sorts of reasons, help with career & finance issues, marriage/family stuff.

If you have someone to vent to (even if it's just a friend), it could help you keep up your strength.

I agree with all of this. As someone who has been through a similar situation (but nowhere near the same *hug*) it's important that you take care of yourself, too. Best wishes to you and your family, OP.

Many cancer support groups also extend help to the family members of those with cancer, OP, and I really recommend trying to find one. My mum had cancer and I know how utterly soul-destroying it can be, so please find yourself some help and support.

I really think you might have found a good coping strategy. As others have said, Elsa was trying to suppress her feelings, not just trying no to show them. As long as you acknowledge how you feel to yourself and don't try and pretend to yourself it's not happening, there's nothing wrong with remaining calm on the outside.

I work in setting where we hear some incredibly disturbing and tragic stories. What we have to learn and practise is a professional detachment, getting emotional isn't going to help our patients, we need to be calm and help them, try and reduce their distress rather than add to the chaos and pain. That's exactly what you are doing in a way, imagine if your Mum went to see the Oncologist and they started crying? I really feel it's a useful skill OP, as long as you can express your feelings to someone else, as we would do with a supervisor for example.

Also you might find it helps to play the soundtrack? Those songs are fantastic and maybe the emotion in the songs will help you express how your feel, you know that thing when you sing along to something and the emotions can be really cathartic.

I've been reading a lot about self-compassion lately and it sounds like it could maybe be useful to you. Make sure you're being kind to yourself inside your head and comfort yourself for your suffering. Kristin Neff's book "Self Compassion" is great, and she has a website and videos too. You're going through such a hard thing and you're obviously a caring and loyal person. I hope you find relief.

[ SECRET POST #2555 ]

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