[ SECRET POST #2564 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2564 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 013 secrets from Secret Submission Post #366.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'm also a woman and I don't think I'd like that either. Especially not people touching my breasts. I didn't even realize they were "supposed to be" an erogenous zone until I was older- they definitely aren't for me.

If I were going to have sex I think I'd like it better if I didn't have to be the "passive" partner and just try to like what someone else was doing to me. I feel like I'd find it pretty unpleasant both physically and mentally, and I'm pretty sure I'd be bad at sex partly for this reason.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm pretty sure I'd be bad at sex partly for this reason.

So...just be the active partner instead whenever you start having sex? People are allowed to have preferences about active/passive roles in bed. Being the woman doesn't mean you need to be the passive partner.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT-wow, I'm a 30 year old virgin and I'm still kinda horrified at the idea of there being a 'passive' person involved in any sex act. Unless that's a kink for everyone involved, that sounds like one person using another as a sex toy, which is all kinds of ew.

[(Anonymous)]

Hahahahahaha NAYRT buuut I think you're misunderstanding the way they meant "active" and "passive". It usually just refers to one person taking the lead more often, whether it's because of experience differences, personal preference (like I'm lazy as hell, so naturally I prefer my partner to be the "active" one) or particular kinks.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT-no, I get the way you're using it. But I'm not sure the anon you replied to was using it that way. They seemed to think that their choice was limited to being 'the passive one' in a 'lie back and think of England' way, like if they don't enjoy someone touching them in a certain way then sex isn't for them, which is bullshit. It's sex. It's basically infinitely customizable. And it made me sad that she thinks she wouldn't enjoy sex because she'd 'have to be the "passive" partner and just try to like what someone else was doing to' her. The way you (and most people, usually including me) talk about the passive partner, they mean someone who enjoys having someone else do lots of the licking/fondling/whatever. She seemed to be using it as 'the person who has to put up with whatever their partner has in mind to do to them.' Sex should be about everyone involved enjoying themselves, and no-one should feel like they have to react a particular way to anything. You're right that she doesn't have to be 'the passive one.' But no-one should be resigned to "trying to enjoy" sex.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Ahhh, okay. I agree with all that! Sorry to be all "LET ME EXPLAIN A THING" about it. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Whups, here I am, above myself, writing comments, apparently.

Okay, me, I'm only 28. But yeah, what you said about not wanting to be the passive one...that's a big deal to me. I'd rather be the one doing than the one done too.

Although once I realized that, it kind of opened up things a bit. I mean, still a virgin, yeah, but it was getting to the point where I didn't think I'd even like sex all that much. Now...well, still kind of a little scared, being my age and never having done anything and all that. But...eh, I think, with a little bit of practice, I'd be pretty good. I like the idea of being the "active" one because I like the idea of being the one give pleasure...on my terms. (Of course, wanting to be the "active" one while being a virgin with trust issues in their late 20's is kind of awkward and makes finding a partner even moreso.) But yeah, it would have to be a kink involved for both parties, because hey, not everyone likes being tied up, even real gentle-like.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't have to be the passive partner at all, nor does it mean you'd be bad at sex. If someone has ever told you that you just have to like what they're doing, THAT person is likely TERRIBLE at sex. If you're talking about messages received from society, those messages are still wrong, but I know that's what a lot of us learn and internalize about sex. :(

Good sex is really just about communication and a willingness to work out any places where needs/desires don't mesh, from all participating parties. That's it. There is no particular way your body needs to be, nothing in particular you are required to enjoy.