[ SECRET POST #2564 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2564 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 013 secrets from Secret Submission Post #366.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

10. http://i.imgur.com/MWUmxkS.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

Just sounds like a lack of proper foreplay/want.

[(Anonymous)]

Having your clit touched only feels good and exciting if you're already aroused. If you're not, you have to manipulate your ladyparts more forcefully than just a "caress" for it to feel good -- rubbing, especially the sort of rubbing where your fingers stay stationary on your skin, and your skin moves over the nerves underneath. If mere touch could involuntarily arouse all the time, women would be constantly (rather only occasionally) aroused by the friction of their underwear.

I don't know, maybe you know this/have tried this already, but this is just in case you don't.

Also, a lot of women don't have sensitive nipples. Don't sweat it.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'm also a woman and I don't think I'd like that either. Especially not people touching my breasts. I didn't even realize they were "supposed to be" an erogenous zone until I was older- they definitely aren't for me.

If I were going to have sex I think I'd like it better if I didn't have to be the "passive" partner and just try to like what someone else was doing to me. I feel like I'd find it pretty unpleasant both physically and mentally, and I'm pretty sure I'd be bad at sex partly for this reason.

[(Anonymous)]

Have you found other things that are pleasant for you? If yes, good. Do those things. Don't assume you have to do/be/enjoy what you see portrayed in any media.

[(Anonymous)]

You're not alone. :/

[(Anonymous)]

Everyone's body is different. Not everyone's breasts/nipples are sensitive. Nor thighs. Nor clits. If you do get aroused (reading/thinking/whatever about things) just go with what feels good to you and see where it takes you. I personally found it MUCH easier to find what worked for me when I was alone.

Once you know what specific brand of touching gets you off, you can share it with partners, if you so desire.

[fingalsanteater]

There's a difference between the reaction to clinical contact and the reaction to touch when you are aroused. If you are just proding those areas and are unaroused, then you likely won't feel anything. I spent years trying to figure out my body and masturbation, feeling nothing and thinking maybe I just couldn't feel sexual pleasure, until one night I got it right enough to finally have an orgasm. So, not everyone knows instinctively how to find pleasure. And, if you know how to find pleasure for yourself, then you have to let your partner know what does it for you. Have a better experience by helping your partner touch you the right way.

[(Anonymous)]

What the others said. Everyone's different, it may just take time and experimentation to figure out how and what gets you going. Or touch may just not be what works for you, and that's fine too. That's only one of several senses we humans possess.

[intrigueing]

Well, they're not exactly instant pleasure buttons. A lot of women have to be psychologically aroused first before those areas become sensitive, and the level of necessary psychological arousal varies a lot from person to person. Plus, stuff like anxiety or shyness can put a big damper on things when you're with another person. Or if this issue is going through your mind when you touch yourself. I doubt there's anything "defective" about you. Everyone's different, and you might just need to experiment to see what works for you. If it's a really stubborn problem that no amount of experimentation can get around, maybe mention it to your doctor and ask what kinds of things might cause this issue?

Also, are you on any medications? Because some of them can cause problems with sexual performance, for women as well as men.

[kallanda_lee]

Not everyone is wired the same way. I find nipple play pretty unpleasant, for example. maybe you'd find a long back massage more arousing than, say, caressing your thigh. Or, you might just not be in the right headspace for it. A lot of sex is between the ears.

Only you know you own body. I'd say: experiment a bit, and see what feels good.

[(Anonymous)]

Same, OP, I don't feel anything other than just "touch".

Well, no, I take that back. Sometimes it hurts/is uncomfortable.

But there's never any arousal or "oh wow, that feels good" like in fics/romance novels.

OP here- TMI ahead

[(Anonymous)]

I do think not being aroused enough may have something to do with it. But I just find it really hard to get into that state. I manage to sometimes (when I'm alone usually), but when I try to masturbate then it still doesn't really work (and I've been trying to figure this out for years...)

Or maybe it does work, but in that case I'd be pretty... underwhelmed? by my orgasms? Basically the only way I can get myself to feel anything that I'd guess is sexual pleasure is by lying on my stomach and pressing my hands between my thighs (while wearing pants). That feels nice and those feelings do sort of reach a "peak", but I get there really quickly, it's over really quickly and just not very spectacular? I've been wondering for years if those are actually orgasms or something else.

Also, I can't exactly do that kind of masturbation (if it can even be called that) with a partner. I'm pretty sure it's the least sexy thing ever and I look like a total fool while doing that. Sorry for all the TMI.

asdf;

[(Anonymous)]

Oh geez, don't even get me started. :(

Reading het sex makes me very uncomfortable because none of it feels like it applies to me and if it does, I just want to go "EWWWW make it stop!"

It seems incredibly uncomfortable. Lightly touching my breasts and flexing my legs together and writhing a bit is the most it takes to get me off, and I only rarely need even that.

I am a thirty-two year old virgin and have no desire for a man to roughly touch me or pinch my nipples, much less put a penis inside me.

I might be asexual.... Then again, maybe not. Maybe there are other ways to be sexual.

I'm not bothered as much since I've finally accepted this about myself. I can still enjoy the fantasy of male/male sex (especially if not too graphic) since it's less connected to my body and more about desire and feelings than "ew I'd never feel good with that touch!" It just feels somehow better to me, especially since I don't have the constant WTF comparison with my own body and reactions.

Sorry if too much information.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with the first comment on this thread. Feeling aroused in those places, or just in general, may take some time. It did for me. You may or may not care, just wanted to give you a heads up in case you want to try some self loving' or something. :)

[silvereriena]

You have to remember that smutfic is usually written as THE BEST SEX EVAAARRR for the characters involved. The writer could have them be completely aroused by just seeing someone shirtless. This does not apply to real life where everyone's sex drive/body is different. Just like most things in fiction, it tends to be exaggerated/idealized.

[tabaqui]

Hey, well, touching my breasts does nothing for me, either. And my nipples get sore like *that*, so i'd rather they were just left along, frankly.

Insides of the thighs....mostly ticklish, not arousing at all. So, as far as that goes - you're no different than me.

As for the clitoris - who knows. Maybe a different kind of touch, or friction, or sensation would be better for you, or maybe you'd rather have it left alone and have something *else* touched. I really doubt there's anything *wrong* with you, i think you just might need to be a little more creative re: arousal and try things that aren't 'standard'.

[(Anonymous)]

No, don't feel bad because you're not aroused by what is described as hot and desirable in fanfic, op. No two bodies are the same, and what feels good two one person might feel bad to another and leave a third feeling totally indifferent.

That said, when it comes to porny fic I - as a bi woman - vastly prefer m/m, sometimes find femslash I enjoy and pretty much steer clear of het these days. The main reasons for that are that - since I'm not a guy and therefore never will know what gay male sex is actually like - I can enjoy a wider variety of described sexual acts in fic without actually relating these acts to what I personally do or do not enjoy in bed. Plus, as an added bonus, I'm much more likely to find the sexual dynamics I do like in m/m and sometimes also in f/f, while they seem to be widely frowned upon when it comes to het.

[(Anonymous)]

Also adding in from personal experience, things like hormone imbalances can have a major effect on your sensitivity and your ability to get aroused, and it's not always something that you'll be aware of. I spent years not understanding why people found masturbation exciting until I was diagnosed with a hormone imbalance - once I got that corrected, wow. The difference it made was tremendous.

It's worth looking into if you haven't already!

[(Anonymous)]

Chiming in on the "people are different, and that's cool!" front.

It may also be a you-touching vs. someone-else touching thing.

Personally, I can definitely get myself off via clit, but touching my own breasts does fuck-all for me. And basically anywhere else not right around my clit/labia.
Someone else touching me? (y'know, assuming in a consensual sex-type context) ZING! Like, seriously, having my boyfriend touch pretty much anywhere is a turn-on. So that might also be a thing.

[ninety6tears]

I would just like to add in this discussion of how much bodies can vary: the clitoris is no more a universal magical button of pleasure than penetration is, despite what the (valuable) feminist conversations encouraging more knowledge about that body part might end up making you believe.

[(Anonymous)]

This is actually pretty common. It's called sexual anhedonia, and while it doesn't cause a lot of problems (besides the obvious!) in and of itself, it can be a symptom of several underlying issues. If you genuinely don't get sexual sensation from those parts of your body, and it's bothering you, see a doctor about it if possible. They may be able to tell you whether it's a symptom of an underlying problem, or just an issue with sensitivity, and they'll probably be able to offer you some suggestions either way. I know it's scary going to see a doctor about something that private (trust me, I know: I've spent waaay more time at the gyno than I ever wanted), but it's probably the thing most likely to help. (Assuming you can afford it. I'm British, and I tend not to consider that some other countries don't have an NHS-equivalent...) Anyway, if possible, make it a priority.

Of course, if it's not bothering you, that's fine, but the tone of the secret and your comment suggests that's not the case. Plus, like I say, it can be symptomatic of other issues, so it's worth getting checked out at some point. It may well just be a mental block or a stimulation issue, but... hey, better safe than sorry, right?

(nb: not actually an expert, I'm not qualified yet and when I am it'll be for surgery not gyno)

[(Anonymous)]

I can't read het because it usually involves cunnilingus and that's just the least sexy thing in the world for me. And no, not because I've never been with a man who knows what he's doing, I've been with several men who were really damn good in bed, I just don't enjoy anyone going down on me. And it ALWAYS happens in hetfic.

So anyway, I get you, OP, it sucks when you don't enjoy the things that apparently you're "supposed" to enjoy, and reading slash is a lot easier to enjoy because that's not the sex that you as a woman have or would have anyway.

[(Anonymous)]

Now I feel kinda odd to feel aroused by all the things normally listed in het fics. The nipple play, the thigh caressing, the clit rubbing, I enjoy all of them, so I guess I'm a walking cliche, lol.

But seriously, I do think that's because maybe the things you find exciting are harder to find in fics (and media in general). You'll probably enjoy a story the day they describe the things you find pleasurable, that's all. (Granted, they could be really hard to find, so don't feel bad about it, OP)

[(Anonymous)]

Why don't you write your own hetfic involving things that DO turn you on? I think most fic writers write smutfic based on what THEY think would be hot, and for a lot of people it involves the things you listed. But that's not the be-all end-all, of course. If you want more variety in hetfic or more hetfic that reflects your experiences, write some yourself! There's probably an audience of people that feel quite similarly to you that would really appreciate a different take. Maybe you'll start a trend!