fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2583 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2583 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #369.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

10. http://i.imgur.com/nXnNMyI.png

What fandom are you in, OP?

I feel you. I was a girl playing World of Warcraft, and I didn't run raids or PvP or anything like that, but still the reactions of dudes when they realized I wasn't a dude were...often skeevy.

seconded

Don't apologize for being harassed and not liking it, OP. You should not feel bad/guilty/whiny/entitled/etc about talking about this.

THIS.

Not wanting to be sexually harassed just for existing online does not make you whiny or entitled, OP. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

I'm gonna get eaten alive for this, but I have a really hard time believing her experience was quite so stereo-typically bad as what she described.

Are you basing this on your experience of being female in a male-dominated fandom or just assuming? This is pretty much how MMOs and 4chan were for me, but I'm not sure about Tumblr, which is mostly female/SJW-dominated, so I don't know about that. Unless it was something like the Brony side of the MLP fandom.

I know at least a male dominated fandom in tumblr. Checking the tag of that fandom is something I always regret and not only because there are two very active fans of certain character that is considered "a loli".

Barring a few shows, I thought anime fandom in general on tumblr was still fairly male dominated?

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2014-01-29 03:20 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2014-01-29 03:41 (UTC) - Expand

You're not the only one. I don't see a lot of guys on tumblr in any fandom so I'm very curious about what fandom she's in.

I'd rather not say the fandom because I'm sort of paranoid that people will put two and two together because I've mentioned it while logged in before. However, I will say that about a 1/3 of my followers are male.

There are a surprising about of dudes who are into fandoms on tumblr. It really just depends on which one you're in.

I meant to write "amount."

I had a then-friend in an MMO ask me my cup size, and then a day later ask how the ~twins~ were doing. I was 14, and he knew that. That's... how a lot of my online guy friendships have been, to some degree. Though I really only caught onto the fact that when it was making me uncomfortable, it wasn't me being ridiculous, it wasn't okay for them to do, and I should've called them out on it, but being the only girl in the teamspeak channel made me just be quiet about it.

Basically what I'm saying is yeah I totally believe that this could happen to the OP because a lot of guys on the internet are asshats.

What servers do you play on? Cause I'm wondering if this is mostly an American phenomenon, or rather a phenomenon bound to certain language or national communities (you hear pretty bad things about Asian gaming too). I believe you that all of this keeps happening to you guys, but I can't find anything like this in the gaming communities I've been in so far, neither have any of my female gaming friends ever had a reason to complain (we talk about it, whenever sexism in the US gaming industry comes up). These communities are not English-speaking though and rather small, which might be what's forcing everyone to behave and (sort of) respect each other, otherwise you wouldn't have anyone to play with eventually.

rivia - 2014-01-29 15:03 (UTC) - Expand

You're not being whiney or entitled at all, op. You absolutely have the right not the be harassed or made to feel uncomfortable. Those dudes are assholes.

Could you put up a post saying that you don't want messages like that, or could you and your friends maybe join together to either draw more attention to how unacceptable it is, or, if you feel the problem is big enough, make a blog where you post skeevy asks for public condemning? Something like that might deter these guys.

(Non OP)

In my experience, doing that can actually make the harassment worse. Ignoring them though, makes that sooner or later they get bored of the lack of answer.

Yes, sometimes ignoring it will work, kind of the same rationale as "don't feed the trolls".

ayrt

Yeah, that did occur to me, and I was a bit hesitant when writing my comment. Sometimes bad situations need to be called out, and sometimes it's better if they're ignored. Obviously op knows her situation better than me, and it sounds like she's picked ignoring; if she did want to address it though, I was trying to think of ways she might be able to.

The comments obviously bother her, and one of the ways I know of to deal with harrassent safely is in a group, away from the site of the problem, like the hellisokcupid tumblr, for eg, where horrible messages from dickheads are turned into something women can come together and laugh at, rather than be alone and upset/offended by.

Not wanting harassment doesn't make you sound whiny and entitled.

guys are scared of marriage. tell him you want to marry him. proceed to describe your "dream wedding" in excruciating detail.

OP, your secret is why I have such a squick about men in my fandom. I've had some guys on my LJ, and for the most part they've been decent, just reveling in fandom same as all of us. But. I still keep a certain distance from them, and I get uncomfortable getting feedback on my fic (my porny fic only) from them. I don't know why. I've got some kinks, I can freely discuss why I choose the things I do in my fic - including a dubcon pseudo-threeway - but if a guy enters into the mix, I back way off.

I think a part of me is grossed out by the thought that they might use my fanfic as a way towards discussing other things with me.

You have my sympathy for what you've experienced. It's no better than sexual harassment.

It is NOT whiny or entitled to dislike being sexually harassed in fandom.