fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2584 ]

[ SECRET POST #2584 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2584 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Danball Senki Wars]

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02.

[Harry Potter]

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03.

[Burn Notice]

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04.

[The Island of Doctor Moreau]

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05.

[Papers, Please]

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06.

[Star Trek: The Next Generation]

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07.

[Pretty Little Liars]

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08.

[KILL LA KILL]

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09.

[Labyrinth, The Hobbit]

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10.

[The Hobbit]

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11.

[The Hobbit]

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12.

[The Kiss of the Spider Woman]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 029 secrets from Secret Submission Post #369.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I have a good friend who has a lot of really bad problems currently. They're worse than any I have. But when I listen to her vent about them, I get so worried and feel so bad that I can't help her that I've had panic attacks over it. I don't want to hear her talk about her problems anymore, I don't want to have any more panic attacks. But she doesn't have anyone else to talk to, and I'm too afraid it would make me selfish if I tell her the truth.

Besides, I'd keep having panic attacks over other things if I stopped talking to her anyway. I'm also afraid to tell anyone I have panic attacks because they'll think I'm lying. I used to lie about getting sick in school all the time, so why should they believe me now?

I don't want to sound harsh, but you need to get a grip. If you're getting panic attacks over something that doesn't immediately effect you just by hearing about other people's problematic situations, then you really need to seek out therapy. Not only for your friend who needs support, but for yourself as well.

Oh my god shut up. Just because your friends' well being doesn't immediately affect you doesn't mean that it holds true for everyone.

To OP, it is okay to give your well being more priority here. You won't be of any help to her if the stress gets to you. She needs to find another outlet, preferably therapy.

Getting panic attacks over the tiniest things like this is not normal. It's one thing to be worried for a friend; it's an entire different beast to get panic attacks over it. Furthermore, counselors are trained to help people from you know, not getting panic attacks so easily.

The op never said what the things causing panic attacks were - other than pretty bad. So, chances are they aren't tiny.

Besides, I'd keep having panic attacks over other things if I stopped talking to her anyway.

Yeah, OP's panic attack problems aren't just from the friend's situation.

Not everyone has the "Out of sight, out of mind" mindset.

Yes, and when affected to that extent when it is giving you panic attacks. Not worry or minor stress, but something that makes you unable to cope, then you need to seek out therapy to counter this. It is not healthy or normal, and seeking help for it isn't shameful ffs.

Re: Rant thread.

(Anonymous) - 2014-01-30 02:51 (UTC) - Expand

ia.

I agree that this person could probably use therapy (if it's available to them), but telling someone who gets panic attacks that they "need to get a grip" is spectacularly unhelpful. Also, guess what: some people get help and still get panic attacks sometimes. It's a tough thing to eliminate entirely.

I get panic attacks, and one of the biggest things that has helped me has been to recognize which situations tend to lead to them, so I can either avoid or mentally prepare for those situations when possible. (The other big things are focusing on lowering my overall stress level, and knowing how to care for myself when I do have a panic attack to minimize its impact.) And this person at least is recognizing a situation that causes them panic attacks and is trying to figure out what to do about it.

Anyway, to the OP... you might have to distance yourself from her a little, or try to talk mostly about non-serious things with her. But if there are things you can do beforehand to get yourself into a calmer state of mind, or ways you can help calm yourself down after talking to her, that might help too. (Me, when I know I have to do something that might cause me to have a panic attack, I try to lower the amount of other stressful things I have to do that day if possible, and I try to schedule myself free time afterwards to listen to music or whatever to calm myself down.)

I have been getting therapy for years. If I wasn't, the problem would be worse. But thanks for reminding me of another reason I don't talk about my panic attacks. Because thoughtless idiots like you always say "You should get therapy!" like it never occurred to them that I already would be.

Some people aren't in therapy and don't know it's an option.

But that's great that you're an asshole who flies off the handle at the slightest provocation.

You're really not doing yourself any favors or offering anything meaningful to OP here. You've already made them feel attacked; do you have to dig the hole deeper?

Ugh yeah, that anon who replied to the OP isn't me. I'm the one who suggested therapy and I still stand by my statement. If the OP feels like they're not getting enough support, than they should schedule more appointments. Also agree with the anon that OP is being dickish and is coming across as selfish over this situation.

Oh shut the fuck up. You told them to 'get a grip' and then now are made because they didn't what? Shower you in praise for the most common bullshit answer?

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2014-01-30 15:57 (UTC) - Expand

mte at OP's reply.

The only asshole here is you. Fuck off.

No. Having an anxiety disorder isn't an excuse to act like a child. But then again, maybe that's the real reason OP's issues haven't been fixed: they like the attention and the excuse.

NAYRT

For those of us with sentiments similar to AYRT's, it's not that it didn't occur to us that you could be in therapy, but that it's occurred to us that you might not be, because either you assume these kinds of panic attacks are too small a problem to see a therapist about or don't even realize that you can and should see a therapist about.

Because unfortunately, there are actually people like that, those who have been raised with such fucked up ideas of mental health that the genuinely think panic and anxiety attacks are "normal" or a 'stupid' thing to seek medical help for. :|

AYRT was a bit dickish about it, but they did still have a point. If someone gets panic attacks just by listening to someone else's problems, then yes, they need serious, serious medical help. It's great that you are getting help, though!

More germane to your original comment: is there any way you can help your friend expand their own support network, i.e. find friends or family for her to talk to? Or, what country/state/region do you live in? Most likely, there is some kind of stress hotline your friend can call so that she isn't entirely dependent on talking to you to help her cope.

Obviously talking to a stranger about your problems is daunting and not nearly as helpful as talking to a friend, but for your sake and hers, having someone else to talk to is better than no one else.

Obviously talking to a stranger about your problems is daunting and not nearly as helpful as talking to a friend, but for your sake and hers, having someone else to talk to is better than no one else.

Agreed. OP, you might not want to sound hard hearted or cruel to a friend (and I understand that), but sometimes you (and I mean a general you) are just not capable or able to deal with the magnitude of a friend's problems and it's okay to say something like, "I'm your friend and I care for you, but I really don't think that these problems are something I can help you with, have you thought about talking to a professional?" or something of that ilk.

Especially if someone else's problems are causing you mental or physical stress, you have to draw a line. At the risk of sounding cruel, sometimes you do have to think about yourself first, even if you want to help your friend.

"Obviously talking to a stranger about your problems is daunting and not nearly as helpful as talking to a friend, but for your sake and hers, having someone else to talk to is better than no one else."

I don't know, I always have less trouble talking/confiding in people I don't know than people I'm friends with. So that actually might be a good option.

I guess it just depends on the person. I prefer talking to strangers, myself, but a lot of people apparently find that kind of option terrifying. *shrugs*

you gotta be honest with her and limit the time you spend talking to her

I honestly thought you wee my friend for a minute. I'm the friend having some bad problems and I've been talking to my friend for comfort because I don't have any one else I can really talk to about it.

Personally, If it was me, I wish my friend would tell me if I was saying things to make her panic, and I would want to know if she wanted me to stop talking about things. I have anxiety so I know what it's like. of course I can't speak for your friend, but I would think she would want to know the truth. I also suggest if something is going on, try to get help for your panic attacks.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2584 ]

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