fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POSt #2600 ]

[ SECRET POSt #2600 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2600 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

08. [WARNING for rape]

__________________________________________________

09. [WARNING for rape]

__________________________________________________

10. [WARNING for RL death]

__________________________________________________

11. [WARNING for underage?]

[Lilo and Stitch]

__________________________________________________

12. [WARNING for rape, non-con]

__________________________________________________

13. [WARNING for rape]

[Panic! at the Disco]

__________________________________________________

14. [WARNING for child molestation?]

__________________________________________________

15. [WARNING for rape]

[Silent Hill]

__________________________________________________

16. [tb]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #371.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My family wants to do this vacation thing. Rent a cabin and spend a week together. I am not enthused at all. It will be money I have to spend WHILE losing a week's worth of wages. We can't afford a huge cabin so I will most likely be sharing a room with my mother and/or nieces/nephews. It will be in an area I don't particalurly have anything to do in. And they are making me go. When I expressed disappointment and frustration (I told them to, "Just do what they want.")

Now I am angry that I have to go on this trip. And ashamed because I am making such a big fuss. But I am just so frustrated!

how old are you?

SA - sorry, I didn't mean that to sound mean! I was just asking because imo if you are legally an adult you should be able to put your foot down and do what you want.

NP. I am an adult, but family guilt is a hell of a thing as I told anon below.

I guess you either have to fight it or suck it up and go then, sorry.

DA

You need to learn how to shut that down. It's hard, I know, but if you don't put a stop to it then you'll end up doing whatever they want and miserable and letting others control your life.

Think of it as how you would handle a toddler - they'll put up a fuss and it'll be miserable for awhile as they learn to respond to "no" but if you never teach them then you'll just be in for even more of a rough road.

Re: Advice?

skippydelicious - 2014-02-15 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

"Family guilt is a hell of a thing" is an excuse, though. It's something your family has convinced you to believe so that you don't think you have any choices, but you do. You can say no. Things might be awkward if you do, but you know what? Things are already awkward, because your family wants you to lose a week's wages and spend it packed like sardines in a small cabin. Either way, you're... well, not winning. You can choose to not-win and stay home and earn money.

Giving in seems easier in the short run, but it only makes things harder for you longterm. Your family gets used to manipulating you via guilt, it gets harder to fight it, and the protest from them will be more vehement because you've always given in. You said you're an adult. You can choose to exercise an adult's ability to decide what they want to do for their vacation.

Are you am adult? You don't have to go. Not an adult? Load up on books, I guess?

Family guilt is a hell of a thing.

Why are you being guilted into a vacation you can't afford? Is it likely to be some family member's last vacation, so everybody is expected to come along and make happy memories?

Make them watch Evil Dead (the original and the remake), Cabin Fever and The Cabin in the Woods. Then see if they want to go on the trip then.

If you are an independent adult, put your foot down and don't go.

If you are a teenager, try once more to explain that you're worried about losing a week or work and wages and would be much happier staying home, and if they still insist suck it up and make the best of the trip.

Are you nieces/nephews hot?

Does matter? Remember:

It will be in an area I don't particalurly have anything to do

When you get bored, and you have nothing better to do, remember, there is always incest. Like travel scrabble, but with more shame and ruined lives. Or exactly like travel monopoly.

Additional bonus: This will mean OP will not get invited to future family events.

Edited 2014-02-15 08:26 (UTC)

What was stopping you from telling your family "I can't afford to lose a week's wages while paying to rent a cabin"? It's a simple statement, and you have only to repeat it as necessary, with maybe "I'm afraid it's just not possible for me" thrown in now and then for variety.

If you really don't want to go, it's not too late to call them and tell them you've changed your mind.

Communicate clearly and calmly why you don't want to go and then stick to what you say and don't go. Don't make it a debate or a discussion, be firm, not passive aggressive or whiney. They'll most likely make a big deal of it, maybe even cancel the whole trip in a giant bid at emotional manipulation. Do not let them get to you. If you don't stand up at some point then they will continue to use guilt because it's worked in the past.

So basically you have to decide if you really want to put your foot down and not go, or just go with what sounds like the status quo and give in.

If you DO end up going, try and make the best of it. Don't focus on how much work your missing or other negative things. You're there, try and enjoy it.

Good luck.

Get "sick" and send them your regrets.

If OP can't bring themselves to tell them no any other way it could work.

(Though they might try to reschedule... maybe not though?)

They could go for the passive aggressive point after the touchdown and make it obvious that they're not sick, they just don't want to go, so that they don't try to reschedule, but not so obvious that their family can call them on it without starting conflict.

While it would be difficult, I would suggest taking a stand against the guilt-trip your family is trying to send you on, both metaphorically and literally. You have good reasons for not going, even beyond "I would have negative amounts of fun" (which, honestly, should be reason enough in itself). Letting them whine and pout and throw tantrums while standing firm is hard, but it will show them that emotional manipulation is not going to work on you anymore.

Either way, good luck.

Well don't go. Claim your employer had an emergency that meant you had to work so they cannot guilt you. Then take the time off anyway, because you'll so rarely get a break in life from both family and employer at the same time. It isn't losing wages, but buying yourself less stress.

Tell them you'll be happy to go if they want to pony up to pay for your cabin and reimburse you the lost wages, because you can't afford it.

I agree with the others. If they're not paying for you, then they shouldn't be pressuring you to spend money like that, especially on something you clearly don't want to do. Just be straight about it. "I can't afford it" is a completely legitimate reason, and you don't have to tell them your personal feelings about it one way or the other. If they can't respect that then screw them.

I also agree with the people saying you need to learn to say no. I completely understand--it took me years and years to learn how to say no to my family, especially my mother. The only reason it's easier now is because I'm halfway across the world. They won't take it well, but you both need to get used to it--you're your own person, now, and you both need to settle into those roles. It won't get any easier until you start doing it. (I do offer my support, though. I'm still pretty bad about it, especially with family and good friends. But you can do it!)

Your 3 options and my advice:

1. Cave in. Go, try to have fun, do something you wouldn't normally do (NOT INCEST) and make the best of it. Have an experience.

2. Cave in. Go, have a miserable time, bring everyone down, complain non-stop and ruin the fun of everyone involved. Spiteful, and not what I'd call a good time, but they may think twice about asking you to future events (although that could backfire if they end up going somewhere you really want to go in the future). It's an option, but the worst of the three. My advice would be to go with the next one.

3. Stick to your guns. tell them you simply can't afford it, you need to stay and work, and you don't want to give up a weeks wages. If it's still plausible, tell them you can't get the time off work. Lie cheat and steal and excuse you can, or simply tell them you don't want to go this time. Tell them you'll be a Debbie-downer because it's just not for you and that you don't want to ruin their fun. Be honest, or lie, but resolve to not go. Their power over you is emotional not physical. you will only have to go on if you relent and choose to let them win.

You: That won't be possible. I have plans. [That the plans are work and vegging in front of the tv (or whatever) are none of their business and NEVER EVER TO BE SPOKEN ALOUD. They WILL add how unimportant (to them) your plans are to their attack.]
Them: What plans?
Y: Doesn't matter. I have plans I can't change. Have a good trip.
T: What plans?/But we've planned on you being there!/You're just being selfish./etc
Y: I already told you that won't be possible. Have a good trip. [This is now your standard answer for any questions/remarks about the trip.]
T: [repeat invasive questions/guilt tripping ad nauseum]
Y: [repeat standard answer ad nauseum]

If they cancel and blame/guilt you for it: "You could have gone without me." ad nauseum

If they go and during/after tell you what a GREAT time they all had, TOO BAD YOU COULDN'T BE THERE: (Optional) first time, "Sounds like a blast. I hope I can make it next time." Every time after, ignore or a very bland/bored "That's nice".

My own story: Every time I'm invited to family vacations, the not-so-subtle subtext is "We want you to come along to babysit everyone's kids, so everyone BUT you can go out and have a good time." I learned to say no really fast after my sisters had kids.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POSt #2600 ]

Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Critical information

Re: Critical information

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?