fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2601 ]

[ SECRET POST #2601 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2601 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay, sorry for the TMI, but:

I tried to have PIV sex with my boyfriend yesterday, something I'd never done before (yes, I know, losing your virginity on Valentine's Day is so cliché - it was a coincidence, honestly). In the past, I was unable to get a vaginal ultrasound during a gynecologist visit a few years ago because the. Since then, I'd used fingers and some small vibrators on myself before (which was part of why, for the longest time, I assumed my hymen had probably been torn during my more athletic childhood and as such I don't have one anymore - I never saw or felt anything like a tissue barrier around my vagina). I thought that "working my way up" would help, but when we tried, the first several times he tried to put his penis in my vagina, it seemed to 'slip away' and it wouldn't go in. One of the positions resulted in him kind of 'forcing' it halfway in (by accident - he weighs a lot and I'm petite, and it was bascically a slip and gravity working against us), and it hurt like hell and he pulled out right away.

My vagina was very sore, and any sexual activity involving anything below the waist for me pretty much ended there. Later, in the bathroom, there was fresh blood on the toilet paper, even though my last period ended several days ago. So apparently I still had a hymen? I'm not sure.

The thing is that it didn't feel like a barrier - my entire vagina felt too tight, and has long felt too tight (with the vibrator and even my fingers).

Have I been misinterpreting a hymen as a too-tight vagina? Or are too-tight vagina and hymen separate issues with distinct sensations? If we did just tear my hymen, would this mean next time my boyfriend and I attempt PIV, it will go smoothly, or do I still need to find a way to really stretch myself somehow?

Any advice? I was looking forward to this (and I was hoping to work my way up to anal sex after this - does this vaginal issue indicate that attempting anal sex is a bad idea?).

I'm really confused and could use some serious insight, here, F!S.

The blood could come from torn walls or other tears as a result of the painful sex. If you can, I'd get that checked out.

Were you properly aroused and relaxed when you and your BF made the attempt? I don't know about a too small vagina or anything, but I do know that arousal and relaxation techniques help loosen and wet everything for a much more enjoyable experience. Maybe you just weren't aroused enough or something?

And I don't think it has anything to do with if you should try anal or not. Seems like that's a completely separate issue.

Not really in a position to get it checked out. And I was aroused when we started trying, though by the end of it/during the last bit, I was more frustrated than aroused.

The blood was probably from tearing the walls.

Were you using lube? I'd suggest using a lot of lube. I've had similar problems and that helped a lot. Along with making sure that you're really aroused and warmed up and not letting yourself get too nervous because that will tighten things up.

We used a lot of lube, and was pretty aroused when we started trying with the PIV, hence the confusion.

I'm a virgin, so my suggestions come purely from stuff I've researched (due to my own nervousness), but have you tried different positions? I think the above anons definitely know what they're talking about, but if you've only tried missionary, then that could be a factor too. It may be easier with you on top. With lots of lube and foreplay you should be okay. I'd also suggest trying to get to orgasm first, without insertion, and then seeing if that's relaxed you enough. It may also be something you want to mention to your doctor, if that doesn't do it.

Missionary was one of the last positions we tried, actually. And there already was a lot of lube and foreplay - that's part of the confusion. If I weren't aroused or using a lot of lube at the time, I would understand, but because I was, I'm wondering what the hell went wrong. :|

The opening is supposed to stretch. Only for some women it doesn't. It's like a old rubber band that just won't stretch and trying to force it results in the rubber band breaking (ie tearing and blood). Really sometimes the only thing that will help is sugery.

I'm sorry, I know that isn't what you want to here. Trust me, I've been dealing with the same issue since I became sexual active (and went to a fuck ton of doctors trying to find out the problem). Forcing it will only result in pain and putting you off sex. There is a lot you and your partner can do that's just as fun but won't cause you pain.

This shouldn't though affect your ability to have anal sex at all. Just make sure to use lots and lots of lube and stretch the muscles well before they penetrate you.

First of all, hi. I've been more or less exactly where you are now. TMI story time!

Hymens are confusing little bastards. I was very sure mine was gone, because I was a gymnast and a horse rider in my early years and because I had masturbated (lots!) and felt nothing that I thought could be a hymen.
Then I used a toy that was more... realistically proportioned? I did everything I normally do to prepare for penetration. Got comfy, got lube, started with fingers, but when I tried to use my new toy it was like it just wouldn't go in. So I pushed a little harder and it sort of slid in all at once, but it hurt. I really really hurt. When I went to the bathroom to clean up there was a small amount of blood.

I was sort of dreading trying it again after this, but I gave myself a pep talk. Anyway, it was a lot easier this time, just the normal kind of stretch instead of a sharp pain. That's how I kind of figure that the resistance and the pain and blood was hymen-related.

So, my advice would be not to put pressure on yourself. When you feel ready and comfortable to try again, either on your own or with a partner, just take things slowly, don't be afraid to use lube (it's not just for men or anal), and don't try to push anything all the way in in one go (I find it easier to go a little way in and then a little way back a few times first to give yourself a chance to stretch). The first time I had sex, I suggested we use lube and one of my toys first so that I wouldn't be in pain, and he told me he had been worried about hurting me and thought it was a good idea (yay communication!).

As for anal, don't give up on your to-do list just yet! One bad experience doesn't mean everything new you try will be bad. I'd advise a bit more research and maybe a few solo missions before trying it with a partner, but it can be really good.

That's like half my experience right there. I never felt anything whilst masturbating or just exploring, myself, and I did some gymnastics and horseback riding as a kid, so I figured I probably tore it and didn't notice or remember. And then this happened.

I...don't really have any toy realistically proportioned to work with, and may not be able to get one (or rather, get one I can hide it from my family), but I'll definitely have to try. Though I definitely have the lube down, we have a lot of that (and were using plenty, hence my confusion).

Thank you for the advice. :) I don't suppose you have any advice for the anal? That sounded a lot like something we'd both be into, and I would like for that adventure to go a little more smoothly than this one went. :)

You're welcome! :)

It's a pain hiding toys from people you live with. Mine are in a fake book with a mini safe thing inside it.

I do indeed have some advice for anal. More TMI ahead! Probably the first thing I would recommend is a shower. Not just for washing and feeling clean but it's nice to relax your body under the hot water before you start. Sometimes it's nice to masturbate or have my partner play with me beforehand because skipping straight to the prep feels kind of clinical and unsexy to me.

I use a different lube for anal than I do for other things. I think the one I have is silicon-based, and it's fine with the brand of condoms we use but that's something to double check before you purchase. I know oil-based can lead to breakage. I switched because the water-based one wasn't thick (idk how to describe it?) enough for anal.

A weird thing I don't hear much about is I prefer to use gloves when I'm fingering myself or my partner is fingering me back there. The skin feels very thin and sensitive inside and the thought of nails scraping me there makes me nervous. The important thing to do is try to relax. Do not force your way past the initial clenching. It's a natural response. Just touch around the area until you feel ready to try again. When I start, I find it's less painful when I 'bear down' or push against my finger slightly with the muscles there, then work myself open slowly until I feel like I can add another finger.

Probably don't aim for penetrative sex the first time you do this. Just explore at your own pace. I've heard some people find it quite easy but it took maybe a month or two until I wanted more. The position I found most comfortable was spooning on our sides with his leg between mine. We tried a few others, but this and doggy are better for me. Girl on top gives you more control, but I found the penetration too deep.

Good luck with your sex adventure! Don't hesitate if you have more questions. :)

Extra! VERY NOT SAFE FOR WORK VIDEO. CONTAINS REAL LIFE BUTTS AND PEENS. :

http://www.loveyourcondom.co.nz/great-sex-safe-sex/how-to-have-anal-sex/

It's the video I watched before I tried it. Yes, it is intended for gay men. Unfortunately I could never locate an informative how-to thing for women or heterosexual couples that didn't have terrible cosmo advice.

Check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus

Being too tight is one of my concerns as well (I'm a virgin) so I bought myself an inflatable dildo to start loosening myself up and getting used to the feeling of being stretched.

My suggestion is to try and stretch yourself using fingers or toys everyday for at least a week before attempting sex again. It might also help if you use toys during sex. Try holding a vibrator externally against your clit during penis insertion to distract from discomfort. Always use lube (and protection!)

I'll definitely look into the inflatable dildo idea. I'd been using my fingers and some of the insertable kind of vibrators, which approach dick sized but not quite.

I buy my stuff at lovehoney.com if that helps.

A few thoughts:
1 - Hymens are not created equally. Some are very thick and hard to penetrate.
2 - Some vaginas are small. Go slow, use lots of lube, take time to get fully aroused.
3 - How old are you? If you're young, give yourself time. Some people don't fully develop until their late teens.
4 - This one's not common, I only know about it b/c I had it. Get a mirror. Look at your vag. Google "labial agglutination" and look at the examples. (they're not nasty, I promise). See a gyno, it's easily treatable.

None of these will affect your ability to have anal sex.

For 1 and 2, I'll definitely keep both in mind. For 3, I'm almost 21. For 4, I'll definitely take a look.

Thank you! :)

Vaginal and anal sex are different.

I know that vaginal sex is the norm, but ideally I would recommend anyone to only give it a go when it feels nice to be touched there. Either by yourself, someone else, using fingers, toys, whatever. Same goes for anal sex. If you don't enjoy being touched there, then there should be a pretty good (other) reason to give it a go.

In general, give your body the time to get properly into it. Relax, take your time, explore your own and his body, let him explore yours and his own, take a bath or a shower because the warmth will help. (Take a bath together to really get things going...)

Experiment with foreplay and see what works best for you, and what works best for your vagina. I read this once somewhere and it really works for me, breast and nipple play get me going like nothing else, but it could be something completely different for you. (A long session of oral sex, also gets me really loose and wet.)
Most importantly when having sex, either vagina or anus need to be ready to get penetrated. You might think you're ready, you might be really, really aroused, but listen to your body, check if your vagina is ready. This might take some time, because our brain is aroused much faster than our body. Take the time to learn to listen to your vagina.
Everybody is talking about lube and yes, it is important to be wet. Either from yourself or from lube. But personally, I find that looseness, the willingness of my vagina to accept penetration is much more important and that, unfortunately, cannot be bought.
On top is probably the best position because you can move your body to make the penetration more comfortable. On the other hand, if there is another position that gets you going more (for me, that would be doggy style...) maybe you should opt for that.

Toys. There are plenty of household items you can use, just make sure they're not sharp and use a condom. (Of course, 'real' toys are always a better option.)

Have I been misinterpreting a hymen as a too-tight vagina? Or are too-tight vagina and hymen separate issues with distinct sensations? If we did just tear my hymen, would this mean next time my boyfriend and I attempt PIV, it will go smoothly, or do I still need to find a way to really stretch myself somehow?

All hymens are different, some women don't have a hymen at all. It sounds to me like your vagina is on the tight side, give it time, experiment and if it doesn't work, consider seeing a professional.

I was looking forward to this (and I was hoping to work my way up to anal sex after this - does this vaginal issue indicate that attempting anal sex is a bad idea?).

Vaginal sex isn't the end all and be all. It really, really isn't. Also, it's not a competition, there is no real goal except the joy that it can give you and your boyfriend. And you know what, based on what you said about hoping to work your way up to anal sex, why not start with anal sex? Why not make anal play part of the foreplay for the vaginal sex? (Just make sure you use condoms and always change condoms when going from anal to vaginal sex.)

tl;dr Foreplay, the longer the better. Listen to your body, check if you're ready.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2601 ]

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