fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2606 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2606 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #372.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Look, I'm going to be honest.

This is a much, much smaller problem than the fact that you are dating someone who accused you of leading him on about board games you promise breaker

This is a very good point.

Look, I read your arguments in the other thread, and I get your perspective, but I'm not going to throw in the towel on a six year relationship over a stupid fight, no matter how petty it was. I like you, Chard, but I've noticed a trend that on the internet people are just very quick to advise you to dump someone in general. Also I'm not exactly known for being attracted to emotional maturity.

I understand. I'm saying it's a problem, not that it's an unfixable problem.

But seriously, you keep doing this:

Also I'm not exactly known for being attracted to emotional maturity.

STOP SAYING YOU DON'T DESERVE BETTER! You keep saying "hey this guy is being awful to me but I'm a flawed human being, like everyone else so it's okay that he treats me like shit." This is WORRISOME, PROMISE BREAKER ANON. Please stop thinking like this.

Only, he doesn't treat me like shit, that's your extrapolation.

And it's not about what I deserve, it's about what I go for in terms of characteristics. I could dump him, and find someone else, and I'm dead sure I'd go for pretty much the same traits in that new person.

You wrote a lengthy post about how you didn't like what he was doing. You then immediately started backpedaling. Does he post here and you worry?

I could dump him, and find someone else, and I'm dead sure I'd go for pretty much the same traits in that new person.

Again, this defeatist language. It's sad. "I could end the relationship, but I'd be just as miserable elsewhere."

"you didn't like what he was doing"

Actually I wrote a huge post about "how do I fix my own fuck-up", but anyway. You're right, I did not like what he was doing during that fight, that specific weekend.. That doesn't mean I dislike what he does in general. I even said in my original post that it was atypical. I also, in the very title of that post, indicated I was interested in fixing it, not raging at him, so I don't know exactly which part of your posting you find inconsistent.

I'm not sure how that's backpedaling or even hard to understand. It's like you could have a great job, but have one shitty colleague who annoys you, but still call it a great job when people ask, because the general picture is. He scans over F!S sometimes, but if I though he'd delve into the comments, I never would have posted here in the first place.

>but I'd be just as miserable elsewhere.

This is entirely in your own head. You made up this delusion where I'm miserable in my relationship while I'm not, like another anon made it sound like I'm pretty much halfway being a battered wife, which is utter nonsense. Also it's not defeatist language, it's an actual preference. I find immaturity attractive up to a certain point. I don't know how much clearer I can put it. Obviously, I realize the trait has down sides. It's like some women go for men who do ridiculously high risk sports.

Yep, this. Your mother might be wrong to say the relationship isn't going anywhere because it isn't conspicuously leading to marriage, but she's mainly wrong about the "because". The relationship isn't going places because one of the people in it is incredibly immature and throws tantrums when his girlfriend "leads him on" about BOARD GAMES.

Chard's right. Yes, this was a stupid fight, but treating it like an isolated incident that doesn't have a troubling issue (the BF's immaturity and hang-ups about board games = infidelity) at the root of it is... well, "wishful thinking" is the kindest way I can describe it.

Saying, "But I'm immature too!" isn't a good excuse. Your faults are your faults, and you know if it's something you need to work on. It doesn't mean your boyfriend gets a free pass for all his faults. You're not perfect, but you deserve better than some dude who goes haywire at you because you dared to have fun with somebody else. I hope you realize that, OP.

Also I'm not exactly known for being attracted to emotional maturity.

Wait, you're saying you look for whining, passive-aggression, self-centeredness, untrustworthiness, and a complete lack of perspective in a boyfriend?

Not too fond of passive-agressiveness - but in a way, yes. In the sense I'm also self-centered and my perspective is also pretty skewed in terms of things I care about. He gets that, and generally we let each other off the hook for it.

[ SECRET POST #2606 ]

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.

Re: Presumptions about relationships and their "purpose" really piss me off.