fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2607 ]

[ SECRET POST #2607 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2607 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Shaun of the Dead]

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13. http://i.imgur.com/Lnyxfbz.jpg
[link for porny, doujinshi]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

14. [SPOILERS for DRAMAtical Murder]

[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

15. [WARNING for rape]

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16. [WARNING for rape, pedophilia]

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17. [WARNING for molestation]

[Gatchaman Crowds]

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18. [WARNING for dub-con]

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19. [WARNING for molestation]
http://i.imgur.com/tm7SaaX.jpg
[Shingeki no Kyojin, molestation scene? in image]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #372.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[TW for mentions of rape and sexual assault]

So, my fear of being sexually assaulted is starting to really worry me. It's starting to border on obsession, and I don't know what to do.

I feel panicked and anxious just at the idea of leaving my neighborhood alone, or leaving my front yard at night. I tense up and get ready to run when men pass me on the street or when cars drive by. I carry my army knife everywhere, even though it's cheap and blunt and wouldn't do any real damage. I feel like I can't trust any of the men around me. There were periods where I was even scared that my dad would try to hurt me. (He's been abusive before, but he's never done anything physical/sexual.)
I also find myself drawn to read books and watch movies about rape. I don't know why. It disturbs me when the rapist gets away with it, though, and it's caused me to have nightmares before.

I don't know where this fear came from. My mom and aunt and sister-in-law were all raped and assaulted, so maybe it's that, or maybe it's just paranoia. But I'm sick and tired of being terrified all the time. I don't even feel safe in my own home anymore, like someone might break in just to hurt me.

FS, is there anything I can do to make myself less scared? Should I take self-defense lessons? Should I get a better weapon and learn how to use it? Should I just go to therapy or something? I'm only in my teens, and I can't stand the idea of living the rest of my life like this.

If any kind of psychological process is negatively affecting your life, you should see a licensed professional if one is available to you. This sounds pretty much like the textbook definition of a phobia, and there are therapeutic methods that stand a good chance of being able to help you.

From what you're describing here it sounds like you might be having some issues unrelated to just the fear of being raped.

If you have access to a psychiatrist, I suggest you see someone about this. Intrusive and unwanted thoughts are often symptoms of a larger issue, which could be the case here. Keep in mind that we need to make appointment to take care of our mental health just the same as we would for our physical health, and this is one of those instances where it's better to go get a checkup than to leave it alone and hope it goes away on its own.

Please take care of this soon, OP.

I also find myself drawn to read books and watch movies about rape.
For starters, stop doing that. Those keep up the mindset that rape is more likely to happen to you than it actually is. Same thing happens to people that constantly read only negative news: they live in a culture of fear.

Like said above, therapy would be your best course of action, since you also seem to have other issues connected to your family. Self-defense lessons could help you feel more confident, but don't get any more weapons. You are just going to get yourself or some unfortunate bystander hurt.

Both your paranoia and your distrust of men are both problems that clearly negatively impact your life. I echo the others, if it's feasible, sounds like a problem for a doctor.

At home advice would be - avoid those stories with rape, because it sounds like you need to think about rape less, if possible. Hang out with trusted guy friends, if you have any, if not, make some - exposure is important.

You could take self-defense lessons if it helps you feel like you'll be safer in the case of assault. I certainly think everyone capable ought to know how to defend themselves. But no on the weapons. Depending on where you live, carrying weapons is illegal. DO carry a cell phone with you, that's a ton more useful than a pocket knife.

First of all, you should not be carrying a knife.

I don't know what the laws are like where you live, but in most places it's illegal. Also, if you were attacked, I think it's very unlikely that you would have both the time to reach for it and the physical strength to use it in your favour before someone took it from you and used it against you.

I read a statistic somewhere that people who carry knives are more likely to be stabbed in the event of a confrontation.

Secondly, you are more likely to be raped by someone you know. It's not exactly a comfort. It's a pretty horrible thing actually.
If anyone makes you uncomfortable, you are not obligated to spend time with them, even if they are members of your family or close friends. You have the right to feel safe at home and out of home.

Third, there are things you can do to make yourself feel safer. I think your first point of call should be your doctor, to tell them that you've been experiencing some anxiety and bad dreams lately and that it's having an impact on your life. From there they might recommend you talk to someone about it.

I would also try to go out more during the day, with other people. Take note of the best places to walk in your area - well lit, with lots of people nearby - so you'll feel safer when you have to go out alone or at night.

If media with triggering elements is giving you nightmares, I would suggest you stay away from it. It can be tempting because fiction does give you a safe way to experience something that frightens you, but I think you probably don't need to be thinking about it all the time.

As for home safety, I think it's good to have a talk with the people you live with about your home security. My windows have internal locks and no bars for fire safety, my doors have deadbolts, and my room as an interior lock too.

Self-defense classes are good fun, especially if you have a friend to take with you. I think you should remember that what you learn in the classes is very different from the way you might think or react in a real situation. The best way to handle being robbed IRL is not to bust out your best karate moves, it's to just hand over everything without a fuss, because if you have a shot at getting out of a dangerous situation with no violence, you take it.

I hope this gets better for you. I really do.

I'm really curious about it being illegal to have a knife? By "most places" what country or countries do you mean?

I am on a college campus (very strict about weapons) in the US, and I carry my pocket knife everywhere. I even looked it up to make sure that it is allowed - it's not a switchblade and it's small, so it's all good. I had it in my dorm too when I still lived in one.

I'm Australian, and it's not illegal to own a knife here. I was talking about carrying a knife in public. In my state at least:

It is an offence for a person to have custody of a knife in a public place without reasonable excuse.
These include:
- lawful pursuit of the person's occupation
- preparation or consumption of food or drink
- participation in a lawful entertainment, recreation or sport
or during travel to or from or incidental to these activities - although I have heard of people being fined for not keeping them locked in a tool box during travel.
The sale of knives is also restricted to people over 16 with photo ID. Import laws require tons of research, too.

There are restrictions on carrying weapons in public in every country I've ever been to. I know they vary but I wasn't sure if OP knew their state laws, and "army knife" could mean several different things to me. I have purchased several different knives from army surplus stores, and only one was a traditional swiss army knife.

That's...wow. Dang.

I have never ever heard of it being illegal to carry a pocket knife in the US. And I'm ngl, I'm glad that I'm able to keep it with me (moreso for its general usefulness than any defensive value, though once or twice I have been happy to have it on me for that reason)

ETA: to clarify, when I said "have a knife" I meant "have a knife in public" I wasn't talking about keeping a set in the kitchen. Sorry for not making that more clear.

Edited 2014-02-22 15:15 (UTC)

In Norway you are not allowed to be armed* in public.

*And knifes do count, so do anything else you would carry exclusively to hurt another person (even if it is to defend yourself) Oh and Pepper Spray isn't sold anywhere and if you do get a hold of it somehow you are in possession of something illegal and are in danger of getting a fine and the Pepper Spray confiscated.

I'm baffled by the characterization of a knife as something you'd use primarily to hurt another person, honestly. I mean, the knife I carry has a couple dozen different tools in there, but I use the regular blade about as often as any of them. Life is full of things that need to be cut.

Which makes your knife a Swiss Army knife thingy right? Then you are not carrying it exclusively to hurt someone now are you? If you had your kitchen knife in your pocket when going outside on the other hand, the logical explanation to why you have it on you in most cases is for protection or to hurt someone. Tho, thinking of it probably you can't just walk around with a Swiss Army knife either.

I don't think I have ever heard anyone complain about it, but we frequently have discussions about making Pepper Spray legal, but that also ends up going into the "no you shouldn't walk around with stuff that could be used as a weapon, just because you can/are scared/think that is safer".

I thought that was pretty clear? You can also carry a knife when you are out in the woods, or heck an axe for all the law cares, it is when you arm yourself it is illegal.

Edited 2014-02-22 13:50 (UTC)

It's illegal to carry pepper spray?

o.O

It is illegal to own/sell and carry pepper spray, yes. It is classified as a weapon* and as such it is not legal. The police can carry pepper spray, but it isn't used much by them either.

*After a quick google search it seems the police can give individuals the right to carry/own it, but I have never heard of anyone having pepper spray (which of course does not mean it has never happened, but it is probably not common).

The most common thing to use when peoples life are in danger (in addition to moving them away, new names and such) is to use a "violence alarm" for people who have a high risk of being attacked, which is a electronic device you press and the police will immediately respond and find you if you are threatened.

The knife I carry is a swiss army knife. You know, the kind with all the other attachments, like little scissors and a little nail file? Sorry for not making that clearer.

I just got a cellphone actually, and it's what I mostly rely on. I've thought about putting 911 on speed-dial, but decided it'd just make it easier for me to panic and call them over nothing.

Thank you for the advice. <3

Yeah, it definitely sounds like you have an issue (anxiety? something else?) that's bigger than this. This might just be a conduit for something else, or maybe it's morphed into something out of proportion. I think you should get help if you can (agreeing with other comments). Best of luck.

Thank you to everyone who responded. I've made an appointment to see a therapist this week. I'm pretty sure I have some form of anxiety, so hopefully this will help me deal with it.

This is why the general obsession with rape and assault, continual broadening of the definitions of rape and assault, and emphasis on the "rape culture" have been worrying me for some time now. It's one thing to be appropriately aware that a danger exists, and another to be bombarded with hysteria about it 24/7, without regard to whether a particular individual's personal level of risk is in line with the messages they're receiving, and without acknowledging that many women who are raped survive the experience and manage to recover and live good lives afterward.

(I am not for one moment suggesting that rape is not a terrible thing, or that it should be taken lightly. I'm simply concerned that I see so many women who seem to be caught in a similar mindset to the OP, fearing rape above all other possible catastrophes, all the time, and this is clearly not a good thing.)

Others have made some good suggestions, OP, but I'd like to add that you might find some perspective by looking up the statistics on other bad things that commonly happen to people. For example, both men and women in the U.S. are more likely to be in a serious car crash in their lifetimes than women are to be raped. Everyone acknowledges that car crashes are horrible and agrees that every reasonable precaution should be taken to avoid them, yet very few people live in perpetual terror of getting into a car.

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[ SECRET POST #2607 ]

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