[ SECRET POST #2615 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2615 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 074 secrets from Secret Submission Post #374.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Help me, nice people of fandom secrets.

I kind of like someone. A lot. I don't usually like people of that sex and I'm not sure I could enjoy sleeping with them. If this was just about me, I'd simply try, but they've had bad relationships before. It would not be fair to tell them I like them and then drop them after getting in bed with them.

How do I figure this out? Porn doesn't do much for me and I don't want to go out and sleep with some stranger, especially since that wouldn't necessarily prove anything.

I don't want to talk to them about it before I'm reasonably sure, because they've been hurt before.

[(Anonymous)]

Think about for a bit longer, give them a heads up on how you feel about (aka I'm into you, but I usually don't go for people of your sex so I'm not sure how far I could go) and see how that goes or something idk.

[inkdust]

Honestly, I'm of the the belief that how you feel about anyone or anything else will have basically nothing to do with how you feel about this person. There's no way for you to figure this out except by spending more time with them and examining your feelings honestly and carefully. Don't rush anything.

Do you imagine having sex with them? And you're not sure if the idea is appealing or not? Do you two ever hug? How do you feel about that?

Basically, this is about this person and not about porn or anyone else, so focus on them and focus on how you feel and don't worry about figuring it out right away.

[(Anonymous)]

OP

Yes, I like hugging them. I'm pretty sure about my feelings, what I'm worried about is my reaction when the pants come off.

I fell for their personality. With clothes on, I find them kind of hot, but that only came after I started to like them for their personality.

I would normally talk to them about this, but they've had bad experiences and a fear of rejection. What if I tell them how I feel, things progress and then I have to say "Sorry, your genitals put me off. I can't do this."? I don't want to hurt them.

[inkdust]

I get that. To be completely honest with you, I was in a relationship for a long time with someone I loved for her personality, but was never wholly attracted to, and we both suffered for it. That's an incompatibility that can happen. That's the biggest reason I say to take some time. But if your uncertainty doesn't lessen with time, I think that's the point where you do have to sit down with them and be honest about both your feelings and your doubt. You can frame it very clearly in terms of your own orientation and not about them - in fact their awesomeness is what put you in this position. Be honest about your concerns too - you're afraid of hurting them if your physical attraction doesn't work out the way you hoped. But after you've taken some time, if you remain uncertain, I would explain your situation and then leave it up to them. I don't think there's anything else you can do, unless you just keep it all in and continue on as friends. It sounds like you want more than that.

[(Anonymous)]

OP

You're probably right. Thank you. I didn't really think there were any other options, but decided to ask fandomsecrets anyway on the off chance that someone somehow had a super special magical idea.

[inkdust]

I wish I did have a super special magical idea for you. But I wish you luck!

[the_missing_y]

Go into it openly and honestly.

Also, remember to always be frank and earnest with women. Like me, In New York I'm Frank, and Chicago I'm Ernest.
(Just saw that movie again today. Awesome)

[the_missing_y]

Also, remember to always be frank and earnest with women. Like me, In New York I'm Frank, and Chicago I'm Ernest.
(Just saw that movie again today. Awesome. 100 cool points to anyone who can name the film.)

[(Anonymous)]

I would try jacking it while imagining doing the person, honestly. This assumes you masturbate, but it would be a decent way of figuring out if you're attracted to them sexually.

Otherwise, if they're coming off a string of bad relationships, they may actually be interested in a romantic but not necessarily immediately sexual relationship. Let them know you're into the personality but you need some time to figure out whether you're into the genitals involved, and then see if they're willing to give it a shot.

[herpymcderp]

Usually you figure it out by sleeping with that specific person. No matter how much you might think it'll be okay if you experiment with someone else with the same configuration, you still don't know if you have sexual chemistry with the person in question until you're in bed with them.

It's okay to have sex without being in a relationship, and it's okay to have a relationship without sex. You might want to think on these things for a while, before you commit to something.

[(Anonymous)]

What I think you're saying: You want to date this person but aren't 100% sure you'd ever want to have sex with them, and you think that dating them without knowing if you'd want sex would just lead to disappointment on their end?

If that's correct: Be open and honest with them. While a lot of people assume sex is going to enter the picture at some point, I don't think it's something you *must have* in a relationship. Maybe this person would be okay without sex, or maybe they'd be fine with taking things super slow and letting you set the comfort zones.

I dont' think you have to be 100% positive about how a relationship is going to go to enter one, you just have to *want* to be in a relationship. I mean does the idea of dating them, romance, dates, spending time in a romantic way - does that all appeal to you? If so, then I say talk to them in an open and honest way and see where it goes!


..and if I've completely misread this entire thing please feel free to ignore me.