fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2620 ]

[ SECRET POST #2620 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2620 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[My Mad Fat Diary]

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03.

[Stargate Atlantis]

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04.

[Andromeda]

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05.

[True Detective]

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06.

[Samurai Flamenco]

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07.

[Star Trek: DS9]

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08.

[Supernatural]

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09.

[Wild Adapter]

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10.

[The Bletchley Circle]

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11. [ns]

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12.

[Junior Prom - Prelinger Archives Video]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 015 secrets from Secret Submission Post #374.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Two weeks ago tonight I got into an accident on the way home from the weekly karaoke night, and my car was destroyed. I've spent the last two weeks more or less trying to rebuild my independence and deal with everything that had to be dealt with thanks to the accident, while not having my own transportation, and long story short... I've discovered that I'm now apparently afraid of driving. I've been driving for like 15 years, this is the first accident I've ever been in that I didn't just drive home from, the first time I've ever had towing companies or insurance involved, and now every time I even think of getting in the car I start feeling nauseated.

Tomorrow I'll be picking up my new (used) car from the shop where it's going through final detail/cleaning, so that part will finally be over. The one bright spot in all this is that it's a Prius, and I have wanted a hybrid for years, just they weren't affordable when I was in the market for a car last time, and I was quite happy with my old car ever since. I'll miss it terribly, but the Prius, even an old one, is a huge upgrade. And it's so different to drive than anything I've ever driven, it triggers the anxiety MUCH less than being in other cars.

But in the meantime I have a loaner car from the dealer to drive around... and tonight's karaoke night. It's also a nice car - a Chevy Cruze. But my car that was in the accident was also a Chevy (Cobalt), and I have so far discovered that driving the very similar Cruze makes my anxiety worse... and I'll be driving it to the same spot downtown where I had my accident. I have been through the intersection a couple of times now from a different direction, in daylight, in the Prius, and I still tense up when I get there. Going there at night, in a similar car...

I'm now torn between trying to "get back on the horse" and going out tonight and trying to have a good time, or just staying home and cowering until I have the Prius to drive there. :/

It's a strange coincidence, but I wouldn't assign any sort of supernatural meaning to that.

That said, if you're that uncomfortable driving the Chevy, don't do it -- but my suggestion to you is to get in and drive -- carefully -- and see if you can't break the spell, to put it ironically.

Yeah, I figure I can't put it off forever... and I told my friends I'd be coming tonight, and they're really wanting to see me get out now that the aftermath of the accident is mostly resolved... but I also thought, when I said it, I'd be driving the Prius. :/ And my anxiety has been so bad lately that it chokes me up and I can't talk, let alone sing...

So I'm thinking maybe I should make myself drive down there just to prove that I can do it, and if I can sing then great, but not push it too hard. I dunno. I just... ugh. ;_;

Is there a particular radio station you like? Put that on while you drive, and see if that helps.

I'm pulling for you!

Heh, thanks. Honestly music/noise tends to up my anxiety, due to sensory overload issues... if it's bad enough I won't even be able to go inside, let alone sing. :P

Re: Accident-related PTSD :/

dethtoll - 2014-03-07 01:02 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Accident-related PTSD :/

pantswarrior - 2014-03-07 01:10 (UTC) - Expand

Assuming this is a group thing, could another participant come to your house before the event and go with you in your car so you'll have someone to help you keep calm/take over driving if you start getting panicky?

Oh man, that would be the last thing I want. Anxiety for me = severe crippling nausea. I also get motion sickness really bad when other people are driving. :P Fortunately almost the entire way is through business districts, so at this hour if it gets really bad I can just pull over into a parking lot and focus on my breathing for awhile. I'm just incredibly tired of doing that every five minutes I'm out somewhere and then giving up and going home without doing what I went out to do, and starting to wonder why I bother going anywhere when I don't absolutely have to (groceries and such). :/

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I totaled a car in an accident about a year ago and it was so awful. :(

Best of luck with however you decide to do it.

Thanks. It's weird, at the time I had no idea how traumatic it apparently was going to wind up being. My head went through the side window, and I couldn't see... and then I realized that I couldn't see because the airbag had gone off and was blocking my vision, and that's why my head went through the side window - it bounced off. And I was all "Huh. My head doesn't even hurt that bad. Still have all my teeth. Uh. Crap. What now?"

It's only after the fact that anything remotely resembling the situation leaves me hyperventilating and gagging. :P

You seem to have more of a rocky recovery than I did, but it also sounds like your situation was worse.

I had some front fender damage and a deployed airbag...that's about it. Other than being stunned and terrified I'd hurt someone (fortunately I hadn't), I wasn't harmed. My neck was kind of sore the next day from the airbag but I'd been warned that might happen, and it passed.

Airbag deployment is enough to total a relatively old car. Who knew? Still kinda sad. I loved that car.

Yeah, I had no idea about the airbag being enough to total a car until someone told me on Facebook and then I had another panic attack because wtf, I can't afford another car. (And I really honestly can't, but I'm doing some budgeting wizardry, plus arranged some financing shiftiness through the dealer that will help until the budgeting wizardry kicks in.)

The aftermath was for me much worse than the accident. I happened to hit a police car, and the officer inside was not only immediately proven to not be hurt, but he and an off-duty officer who was in the truck behind my car rushed over to see if *I* was hurt, and when I made the mistake of saying my head was a little sore from hitting the window, they decided they needed to physically hold my head and neck still until an ambulance arrived.

I have an anxiety disorder. I can't stand being touched. I have serious trouble with even wearing restrictive clothing, let alone being restrained. So I was mostly dealing with it okay at the time until suddenly I had people GRABBING ME BY THE THROAT AND HOLDING ME TO THE CAR SEAT, and telling me it was for my own good. ;_;

So you know, since that was the part that made me break down sobbing and screaming, I didn't think just being in cars and driving was going to be affected, but apparently so. :P

Re: Accident-related PTSD :/

diet_poison - 2014-03-07 17:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Accident-related PTSD :/

pantswarrior - 2014-03-08 00:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Accident-related PTSD :/

diet_poison - 2014-03-08 16:32 (UTC) - Expand

How about taking a different route ot karaoke? You might feel better simpky avoiding that intersection.

Funny thing, I was actually taking the non-standard route home so I could go to the store when the accident happened. Road conditions were hideous on a less familiar route, which is what led to the whole thing.

I did go last night though, and I decided to take the non-standard route there and back just to get it out of my system. And I made it. Panicky, but made it. And sang a song, despite being choked up. Something I can post on next week's pride thread over at

synecdochic's journal. =)

Sorry to hear that. If you're not having full blown panic in the car and are still able to function well enough to drive, I'd say it's probably safe to try to ease yourself into driving again. If you are able to, facing up to your fear is the way to go.

Take it slow, though. Do something that you don't find too intense. For example, going out late at night to drive around an empty parking lot for a while would probably go a long way to making you feel secure in your ability to control the car. Going nice and slowly up back roads is another good idea. Some place scenic, preferably.

Don't worry, the fear will fade. You'll be okay.

I think it'll help a lot to be in the Prius. I got to have it over the weekend because... honestly I am getting a WTF-THIS-IS-AMAZING deal on the car, and basically if I hadn't put a down payment on it as a deposit to "test drive" it for the next few days while the dealership was closed, it's pretty much guaranteed someone with more money than me would have come along and just paid the whole thing in cash.

And over that weekend, I kept getting panic attacks when I thought of going out and getting in the car and driving, but I had stuff I needed to do, so I went out there... and as I started driving, I started feeling better. Indeed, I was driving more slowly than usual and being paranoid every time I came to an intersection, but I was feeling less sick as time went on. The Prius is just a completely different driving experience than most cars, I think that's the difference... so it was manageable until they gave me the Cruze to drive while the Prius was being detailed. :P But I'm going to go pick up the Prius in an hour, and hopefully then I can start putting it all behind me.

Thanks for the support. Seriously, thank you everyone for your support and confidence. I got a nice boost of it via Facebook last night just before I took off too - a preview pic of my pro photoshoot from Katsucon was posted on Arda's page, which reminded me that really - I am tough, and I am a good driver, and I HAVE DONE HARDER THINGS THAN GET IN A CAR AND DRIVE DOWNTOWN.

I drive a Prius, so I completely agree! In fact, my last two cars have been Priuses and the only thing I would change would be to upgrade it to a fully electric engine. I've driven all kinds of cars and trucks and they're my favorite vehicle, bar none.

I hope your new baby lasts a long time! Just remember to take it easy on steep hills, they really don't like to climb fast lol

Heh, not so many steep hills for me to worry about - except during the couple times per year I wind up driving out to the east coast through PA. The baffling thing is, I had just spent 24 hours driving out there and back during a blizzard less than a week before the accident that wrecked my car...

But hmm, that does line up with what my brother and my sister-in-law were saying about the cruise control actually being worse for the fuel economy, presumably because it tries too hard to keep the car at the correct speed, whereas my brother noted that he's more likely to let it slow a little going uphill and let it speed up a little going downhill.

I'm so sorry you had the accident but so glad you are okay.

I don't have any advice outside medication that is not recommended while driving. :(

Heh, like Valium perhaps? I actually have a prescription for the stuff, and used to drive on it because I had to take such a low dosage due to side effects that it wound up not affecting me much. If I didn't take a seriously low dosage I just wound up lying in bed and crying all day because it caused depression... but then if I took a low dosage, I would get paranoid that "I'm not anxious. What if there's something to be anxious about and I can't be anxious enough to recognize that I should be anxious?!" which spawned more panic attacks, and... hahah, I haven't bothered touching it for a year and a half. -_- Meds and I do not get along.

Can't say I haven't been tempted to pull out the bottle over the last few weeks though. :P So glad I'm almost done dealing with the stuff that needs to be dealt with. Planning on pretty much just spending all weekend lying in bed with some candy and video games. Done being an adult.

I hope that whatever you decided to do, the night ended up being a good one for you.

*hugs*

I don't do well with meds either. If something has a side effect, no matter how obscure, I will get it. And I despise how most stronger than OTC pain medication makes me feel, so I don't take it even if I need it.

If you can't get over it, you could probably sue GM for millions of dollars for your PTSD since the Colbalt triggered GM's massive car recall in the first place:

http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/06/us/gm-recall-questions/index.html

Hahah, funny thing about that - I'd been having the car just randomly turn off while driving for months. But only when I was sitting in certain positions that ease some of my physical discomfort from the chronic health problems, so I was so incredibly confused until this story broke - just a couple days before the Cobalt was wrecked. Best I can figure, the way I'm sitting, my knee sometimes nudged the keys in such a way that it tugged on them, triggering the switch to accessory mode.

But you know, I didn't even care, I loved my Cobalt. And I was a good enough driver that even when it happened on the highway a couple times, nothing bad came of it - I just hit my flashers and put on my turn signal and gradually pulled to the shoulder to put the car in park and turn it on again. And that car at the top of the article looks like mine except for mine being a 4-door... First car I ever had in a color I liked. :( I am going to miss it so much, even though the Prius is in basically every other way a huge upgrade and as this thread illustrates, I might not have been able to drive it again anyway.

What did you do last night? Karaoke night is a fun time!

Just over 16 years ago I was in a pretty bad accident that totaled the car; me and my friends were lucky to survive. Several weeks after the accident, I needed to drive over to my brother's house to take him to dad's (bro didn't have a car). At first I'm like, really should I be driving? Then it was oh wow I am driving. So to me, it was just getting back onto the horse. You know the route, you know the sights and how to get there. And I haven't looked back since.

Good thoughts are sent your way!

Thanks! I did wind up driving down there - and didn't panic too badly, despite taking the same route (well, sort of - there are a lot of one-way streets involved, so you CAN'T get there the same way you leave) to get there. Was still too tensed up and choking/gagging to sing what I really wanted to sing, and didn't think I'd be able to sing at all, and backed out after hearing only the INTRO of the first song I chose... then basically said "screw this, I AM GOING TO SING" and asked for one of my fallback "I can sing this in my sleep" type songs. Still choked and thought I was going to have to quit halfway through the second verse, but recovered, and then got to the very amusing third verse. I'd gotten that far, and suddenly it was FUN, so I totally hammed it up. :D

Still only did the one song due to feeling generally crappy and exhausted because I haven't been sleeping well for the last few weeks, then drove home without having to pull over to breathe. Think it helped a lot just to do it.

(Also drove out to the dealer this morning to pick up the Prius... only to find out it wasn't ready and I'd have to come back in the evening. But I made it back in the evening, and I have my Prius now and it's all shiny and gorgeous and more fun than stressful to drive, and I got to put some of my personal effects in it to make it feel like home... :D)

Good things do happen! Your horse is ready now, get'er going!

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