fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2623 ]

[ SECRET POST #2623 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2623 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 064 secrets from Secret Submission Post #375.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Are you trying to argue that porn and R18 games are a good safe place for kids to learn about sex and their bodies? Because that's so far off base I don't even know where to start.

MTE holy crap

I'm more disturbed by the suggestion that fanfiction/R18 porn games are a better place to learn about sex than a sex ed class. fuuuuck! I mean, I think they are (usually) healthy expressions of sexuality. but no, 99% of the time it is NOT sex ed, and should probably not be anyone's first impression of the realities of sex.

What country are you from? American sex ed gets the basic mechanics, but it tends to be really hostile and condemnatory towards anyone who has sex that isn't heterosexual married sex. Fanfiction is probably healthier for queer youth than that is. (I've heard it's worst in Texas--I'm in California, so I only saw the worst of it in the books and TV programs the teacher was forced to show us, whereas the actual instruction was even-handed.)

Woah woah woah, that is not true at all. I know for sure my own American sex ed class was not hostile or condemnatory in any way. And while the actual "sexual" part of the sex ed was pretty hetero normative there was nothing about being married and there was definitely talk about queer relationships and it being okay to be yourself and love who you love as long as it was a healthy relationship.

I guess personal experience versus personal experience doesn't count much. But I read Pervocracy, and the author has talked at length about how fucked-up her sex ed classes were. She also links to other authors who've had similar experiences.

Oh yeah, there are a ton of really messed up "sex ed" that probably shouldn't even be titled that. I have a friend that grew up in the deep south and her sex ed was essentially "don't have sex until you're married. The end."

But it's hugely dependent on where you are and the individual school, I don't' think it's fair to say that all of American sexual education is hostile and awful. I grew up in a pretty liberal area and I know my school and all the surrounding schools had pretty decent sex ed starting in 4th grade and then working up to topics throughout high school.

congrats, at least you fucking HAD it. Our was, "You get a period and OH ABSTINENCE!!!!"

America sounds fucking scary...

Wow. No need to be aggressively hostile to the other anon just because you grew up in different places with different experience.

+1 It really depends on where you are from, America in general can be pretty horrendous and varies from state to state in it's sex education criteria.

There are also, sadly, tons of citizens who don't want their children receiving sex education at all. Many states allow parents the ability to have their children opt out, and some people protest that we have sex education AT ALL and want to forbid things like condoms and birth control.

It's really sad and unfortunately that means for many teens the internet is their only option. I would never argue it's the healthiest option (and I certainly can't agree with comment OP entirely) but it's the one thing that's hard for ultra conservatives to control.

I'm from Texas and my sex ed classes were pretty cut-and-dry and not particularly hostile.

How come there is always some damn fool willing to lie to defend Texas?

DA

Because you don't mess with Texas. Couldn't resist.

Anyway, I'm not from Texas but it is a hige state and does habe some fairly libetal areas so I wouldn't be surprised if there was decentvsex ed in some areas.

SA
Oh my god, those typos. I'm sorry about them.

I basically got "abstinence is good" and "this is how PIV works" - it wasn't hostile at all, just very narrow. It was entirely non-comprehensive; they didn't talk about any kind of comprehension, never mentioned the words "consent" or "rape" or anything like that, it was just "abstinence, the end" and also "don't get drunk because then you're vulnerable" (wow I hadn't really thought about that since then, but damn, that was problematic. They demonstrated how a girl who drank too much could be vulnerable to a sexual advance she may not want but they never said anything to the dudes about not sleeping with drunk people).

Ok, wow, thinking about it, my sex ed class was much shittier than I remembered.

To me, though, it was ultimately unimportant since I got more out of talking to my parents about sex than I did at school. Not every kid has that situation, though, sadly. =(

I grew up in the Deep South, in a public high school, not in a major metropolitan area, and sex ed was basically, "Here's what STDs look like, this is various modes of contraception and their percentage of effectiveness, these are the various ages of consent in each state. We'd prefer if you didn't have sex, but if you do have sex, be careful about it and use contraception because you're 15 years old." We also had a "please wear a CONDOM if you're going to engage in a homosexual relationship so you don't get AIDS." (To be fair, this was the 90s.) We were tested on this, too.

I've had friends in much more liberal areas tell me about their absolutely terrible sex ed classes, but I think mine covered the bases well.

I don't know if they -should- be the first place to learn but my sex ed was "here's how babies are made, don't have sex or jesus will cry and you will be worthless," so reading fanfics with gay characters in (relatively) healthy sexual relationships was a lot more comforting a thought than that as a gay kid

the OP's game doesn't seem like the best introduction for anything tho, from the little I know about it

The thing with sex ed classes is that even the most comprehensive of sex ed classes are still very clinical in nature. They don't give you much of an idea of the emotions or physical sensations involved in sex or what a sexual relationship is like; it's more of a "this is what happens to your body, this is how you use protection, and this is how you have sex" type of thing.

I learned far more about the actual realities of sex and relationships from reading porny fanfic than I ever did from any sex ed class I ever had, and I had really good ones.

AYRT

I'm saying that porn and explicit stuff online was an important part of my figuring out how adults played with their sexuality. Obviously, I also absorbed information from movies, books, living around actual adults who sometimes have the hots for one another, and a bunch of other sources. My hunch is that absorbing porny media was a lot safer than trying to sort out what kinds of moves were appropriate IRL, the first time someone hit on me, would have been. So I'm not sure what you're interpreting as unsafe about it.

Oh god, the idea that you somehow learned what was appropriate IRL from porn is horrifying and hilarious. I'm glad that worked out for you, but it is most assuredly not a method I recommend.

The fact that you cant' see what's unsafe about it kind of amazes me, but then I wouldn't be surprised if this was a result of you learning about sex from porn that you can't see what's so inappropriate about it.

AYRT

That's not what I was saying at all. I learned a lot about the whole range of how people think about sex, including a lot of the horrifically wrong stuff that no sex ed class would touch with a twenty foot pole, online. And that was a good thing because whether you have any idea about porn or not, you're sharing a world where some people take the bad parts really seriously. Getting their references, being able to go "I recognize this vibe. Getting out of here right now," is part of sussing out who's unsafe in offline life.

And also, fandom has a lot of explicit material that's really affectionate and healthy. Mainstream, for-pay porn is a sad ghetto, compared to the richness of relationships that I found in fanfiction. (Which isn't to ignore the amount of pure *fiction* out there or the silly romance tropes. But some of it was a good point of reference.)

Fiction of any kind is not a decent substitute for paying attention to how actual adults' relatioships work, or to seeking out medical information about sex, STDs, contraception, etc. But I think all of this together gives you a much better sense of what's going on than just getting a little talk about bodies in high school. Or just looking at the adults around you, because sometimes their dynamics are not what you want to repeat in your own life.

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[ SECRET POST #2623 ]

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