fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2634 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2634 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Lady Gaga]

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[free!, attack on titan]

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(Panic! at the Disco)

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[Anarky]

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(Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

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[Frozen]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 013 secrets from Secret Submission Post #376.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I pretty much do although that's not exactly the kind of thing a guy wants in a wife/serious GF so I guess I'll worry about it when I want something serious.

My doctor's never mentioned anything being wrong during routine exams but then I've never specifically asked about it either. I guess when I'm in the situation of being in a long term relationship I'll have to get it figured out but I guess it's ok for now.

not exactly the kind of thing a guy wants in a wife/serious GF

I was about to go ew, that's the guy's problem, but then I remembered that most of them do find anal sex excitingly transgressive and kinky, until you want it regularly. Then it's please can we do it the other side and they remember they think it's kind of dirty anyway.

I'm in a very long-term relationship, and we mostly do mutual manual stimulation and nothing else these days. Occasional blow jobs also, and occasional vaginal or anal, the last two mostly by my request. Regular vaginal intercourse is certainly not a pre-requisite for getting married.

If you didn't mention it to your doctor, and you can put tampons etc in fine, he's unlikely to have looked particularly into it (pardon the pun). Vaginal sex really isn't normally painful unless there's a reason. There can be many reasons, but I'm not a doctor. But as long as you're healthy, and you don't really care, that overrules everything else.

Yeah, exactly. It's dirty and naughty and fun to do with a fling but no "good girl" that you'd bring home to mom would ever do it. At least that's been my experience as far as how guys feel about it. And I've met some guys who think it's gay (even with a girl) and refuse to do it so I think finding someone who'd be into it on a regular basis would be difficult.

Honestly I sometimes wonder if the pain is all psychological and it's so I can have an "excuse" to do anal instead because just plain liking it better isn't an acceptable reason.

I wouldn't want to do anal regularly for a long time but I can imagine how some women would. It does feel great, and it's a lot more intense than vaginal.

I hope the men you meet become more mature, or just nicer about this. Some women can't do vaginal at all due to health reasons, so how would they deal with that?

Not to be too flip about this, but have you tried dating people of different nationalities? Different cultures vary. I married a foreigner, from a country famed for their sexual openness, and that worked for me. He just doesn't care what we do most of the time, as long as it's something, and we discuss it incessantly before and after, lol. The other side of sexual openness is communication. Otherwise both of us get hung up about what we're 'supposed' to do.

The discussions seemed really unnecessary to me when we started. I was used to thinking of sex as something spontaneous that just happened. Which is fine at the start of a fling, but it only works up to a point, because then ruts start appearing and you do things because you think that's what everyone else does. I think men can be particularly susceptible to this; there's various studies showing men react more badly to peer pressure in general.

I wouldn't worry if your pain is psychological or not. You're experiencing it, which is all that matters for practical purposes.

I know I'm definitely in the minority for wanting to do it as often as I do (which isn't even THAT often, reading back over this thread it would seem otherwise but I don't really even have that high of a sex drive compared to some people) but for whatever reason I just really like it.

Unfortunately I haven't, and not even from differing cultures really. Pretty much everyone I've dated was born and raised in the area I live in now which is pretty conservative and religious (although I'm not, at all). Because of that some guys want to do anal because it's forbidden or whatever but they only want it as long as the girl DOESN'T want it and then other guys want no part of it because they've been raised to believe that it's wrong in some way. I would like to try dating someone with a bit of a different background but that's kind of hard since there isn't a ton of variety in culture where I live.

I think communication sounds like a great thing but unfortunately I only seem to come across the type of guy that doesn't really want to do much of it. Finding someone sexually compatible would be awesome and the world is a big enough place that I'm sure there's someone out there somewhere. But I've found those studies to be right, guys are too worried about what they think they SHOULD want/like sexually rather than what they ACTUALLY like so it's next to impossible to have an honest discussion about it.

I guess, it's just weird not knowing the cause, and it's kind of annoying since it's not all the time so it's not even a consistent issue.

Looks like you might have to travel a bit to find someone sexually compatible with you. You can always move back home again with them if you like. Or find someone exceptional, or on holiday in your area, or date an immigrant.

I also grew up in a religious area. There were two main approaches to anal from guys. Either they wanted it, because contraception was forbidden, and almost impossible to buy if you weren't married. They were the daring, rakish minority. Others didn't even consider anal, they were too busy trying to persuade you to blow them, and then hide it from their church that they were having sex at all.

they only want it as long as the girl DOESN'T want it

Well, that's just completely disgusting and unacceptable. Unfortunately I can picture it all too easily. A lot of young men egg each other on to pressurise women into sex, as if it's some badge of honour to be unpleasant.

I think nobody does communication well when they're young. There's this romantic ideal that love and sex don't have to be worked at. Luckily some people mature enough to realise how much better it can be when you're not shooting in the dark.

A sweeping generalisation to make, but yeah, travel a bit.

Well, that's just completely disgusting and unacceptable. Unfortunately I can picture it all too easily. A lot of young men egg each other on to pressurise women into sex, as if it's some badge of honour to be unpleasant.

I think there's definitely a certain element of control to it, like the fact that they're making a girl do something she doesn't want to do is what gets them off. But when the girl is wanting it and enjoying it then suddenly they don't find it appealing anymore. Which, yeah, is kind of fucked up.

That's pretty much how it's always been for me. There's this attitude that I think you mentioned before, that sex should always be spontaneous and romantic and it almost ruins it if you talk about it.

I've said that the next relationship I get into I want to have an honest discussion about sex early on so we're on the same page. I know so many people who have issues with their sex lives because they were afraid to talk to their partner about what they wanted.

Yeah, I think you're right. It sounds like traveling is a good option!

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