fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2635 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2635 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Casshern (film)]

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02.

[cosplay, Anthony Misiano]

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03. http://i.imgur.com/4s3vCwo.png
[link for nudity/etc. naked mpreg snape with boobs.]

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04. http://i.imgur.com/aQi1eUV.png
[link for nudity (OP requested it; not really sexual though. probably would've been ok, considering the one below ↓)]

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05.

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06.

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07.

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08. [posted twice]

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09.

[Josh Radnor]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

10. [SPOILERS for Sherlock]

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11. [SPOILERS for Grimm]

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12. [SPOILERS for Twisted]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

13. [WARNING for ephebophilia]

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14. [WARNING for suicide]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #376.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Because my experience with fandom has been one of theft, bullying, and having to constantly be on the defensive, either because you never know when someone will go from being friend to foe, or because you never know when someone who you thought was mentally stable turns out to have some kind of mental illness and you just set it off with the wrong word or phrasing.

Fandom has never been a safe space and it boggles my mind that people who get even more deeply involved with fandom than I do - the kinds of fandom activity full of backstabbing and relentless belligerence - boggles my mind.

I am pretty sure the only reason I haven't left fandom entirely is because I've been emotionally raising my mother and half my friends since I was 7 and barely even notice it anymore when I end up as someone's unofficial therapist/counselor/whatever. That and a caustic personality, so people don't come to me for comfort so much as help, which are a lot more different and contradictory to each other than most people realize. (I only recently learned that this isn't obvious to most people.)

But to go back to the secret, OP: I feel you, there. That said. Yay for recognizing you are judgmental. I guess my only suggestion is to engage in more conversation, but also veer out of them much sooner (re: the point that they start to become more personal or lean into personal problems). I'm not going to lie, it's going to be much harder to make friends this way (and believe me, I am well aware that it's already hard enough to make friends in fandom as it is), but that would be the best way I could suggest engaging in fandom without engaging in people's personal problems and health issues.

Also, try branching out into other fandoms, and/or sub-fandoms of the ones you are in. I've found that often just finding the rich niche can be a good way of avoiding these types of interpersonal problems as they tend to attract very different kinds of people. Try the smaller ones (they are hit or miss though - either chock full of people with people whose fandom activities are heavily influenced by their mental illnesses, or devoid of them).

Definitely feeling you on suddenly realizing you've been someone's therapist. I've had to remove (slowly, and oh god so carefully) myself from one or two friendships because there was literally no way they would get real help otherwise. Why make an appointment with a trained therapist when I'm just an IM away? When I realize the relationship is only hurting (possibly killing, in one case) us both, that's when I start backing off.

I've been doing pretty much what you suggest for the past few months, and it's worth the effort. There's nothing wrong with wanting to set boundaries, OP.

I've hit the point where I'm either just adding on support to people who are already getting professional help, or I'm a stopgap for people who can't get professional help.

I'm glad you were able to do that, anon. It's a heartbreak, sometimes, to have to remove yourself from a friendship or relationship because of its toxicity.

This happens to me often because I mod a few fandom groups. I'm not a therapist but I have strangers telling me their life histories of mental illness and asking for my advice just because we both like the same fandom. My problem is I feel too much empathy with/for them and the constant bombardment of another's misery becomes toxic to me in the end. It's insidious though. It creeps up so slowly that it takes a while to realize that they are dragging me down with them. I've had to pull away from a few toxic relationships both online and outside, asking the other person to seek professional help. It makes me feel so guilty even though I know it is the right thing to do (for me) because I doubt they ever seek the professional help they desperately need. More likely is that they simply move onto the next person willing to listen to them for a while.

God, you always sound so obnoxious and pretentious in your posts.

*shrugs* Okay, then.

I hate it when people are pretentious and I don't think I've ever gotten that vibe from Nyxelestia. Do you have a bone to pick or something?

Oh man, this is the reason I became an anon lurker. When I was a young, naive teenager (and active in fandoms) I would get those messages and try to be supportive.

Long story short, I was both really bad at handholding and an easy target so I would get vitriol rained on me and I would have to start leaving the space because I knew if I went back, I would be engaged again and it scared me.

It's been probably over a decade since these incidents happened and I still have no accounts, never post anything I've written, and only ever comment anonymously.

[ SECRET POST #2635 ]

Slight tangent, but where is this mythical safe space I keep hearing about?

Re: Slight tangent, but where is this mythical safe space I keep hearing about?

Re: Slight tangent, but where is this mythical safe space I keep hearing about?

Re: Slight tangent, but where is this mythical safe space I keep hearing about?

Re: Slight tangent, but where is this mythical safe space I keep hearing about?

Re: Slight tangent, but where is this mythical safe space I keep hearing about?

Re: Slight tangent, but where is this mythical safe space I keep hearing about?

Re: Slight tangent, but where is this mythical safe space I keep hearing about?