[ SECRET POST #2643 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2643 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[(Anonymous)]

Nah. You can know, logically, that not all female bosses are going to be shitty, but if in your personal experience all the ones you've had have been, it's perfectly understandable that you'd be wary for another.

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[jaybie_jarrett]

Thank you. You win the thread for seeing that a bad experience can make someone dread the idea for PERSONAL reasons.

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[ariakas]

Exactly! The only time I've ever been mugged it was by a Native, so now I dread the idea of running into any of them in the street for PERSONAL reasons.

...No, wait, no I don't. That would be insanely racist. Not to mention colossally stupid.

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[jaybie_jarrett]

I've known friends who were horribly bullied by girl classmates and this didn't like hanging out with girls as much. Kind of shortsighted sure. But I didn't attack them for being sexist because that would be the last thing they need and would probably only cement their feelings of avoiding female peers. It's not reasonable of course.

But dreading having a female boss is not the same as saying "women should not be bosses." OP never said, they don't think women should be bosses just "I had a bad experience and don't want a female boss personally. It's having a personal worry due to a bad experience. What if OP had a male boss who creeped on them and thus they were afraid of having any male bosses. Would their feelings of dread be legit? A feeling is different from an act.

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[ariakas]

We're not talking about whether or not their feelings are "legit". We're talking about whether or not they would be "sexist". That's was the OP's original question.

And yes, yes it would be sexist. In my comment below I point out that I've only ever had bad male bosses. Were I to take from that a dread of male bosses, that would be sexist. Were I to take from by bad experience with the mugger a dread of Natives that would be racist. The OP's reaction is sexist. Whether you think it's "legit" or "valid" is a completely different discussion.

(I had a similarly bad experience with female classmates and avoided girls for a few years as a child because of bad feelings. But those feelings were sexist, and stupid. I got over them. Hopefully OP will too.)

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[jaybie_jarrett]

I suppose. Maybe I didn't articulate it well but I just feel like the anon I replied to made a good point. That if you have a bad experience it can be understandable to be wary of something else like it. That you can KNOW logically that the response is irrational but personal experience makes you unsure or afraid.

I'm sorry for my mis-communication and bad wording.

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[ariakas]

That if you have a bad experience it can be understandable to be wary of something else like it.

I get that, I'm just trying to illustrate that that can lead to a bigoted (if not dangerous) point of view. That exactly the kind of rationale people use to handwave bigotry in real life all the time "well I've met a bunch of blacks who were (bad thing)", "all the Chinese I've ever known were (bad thing)", etc.

Don't be the young, sexist equivalent of my racist grandparents, OP. Use your rational mind, and moreover, realize that if you really do keep having the same experiences, the common denominator is ultimately you.

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[(Anonymous)]

I just hate the "not all [insert group here] are bad" thing-- not because it isn't true, because it is, but because it's so prevalent to mock/deride men for saying the same thing when women are wary of strange men.

What's the difference between a woman being cautious around men due to a fear of being assaulted, and using your example, someone being cautious around black people if honestly the only experience they've had is negative? The rational answer is still there-- "not all men are bad"/"not all blacks are bad", and that's true. But one of those is dismissed as bullshit and the other is obvious. So why the differentiation?

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[ariakas]

Maybe this makes me a bad feminist, but I don't think that there ought to be a difference. Sure, men hold more power in society, but "some men were bad to me and now I dread all men" is just as much bullshit as "some blacks were bad to me and now I dread all blacks", frankly.

There seriously are women in my profession who loathe the men in it because of bad experiences and no, this is in no way, shape, or form more justified than the OP in prejudging all female bosses. I've had the same argument with them.

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[(Anonymous)]

"What's the difference between a woman being cautious around men due to a fear of being assaulted, and using your example, someone being cautious around black people if honestly the only experience they've had is negative?"

Because men are evil priviledged oppressors and black people are an oppressed minority. Colour of skin trumps gender as well - it's why to a lot of people (especially of the dumblr variety) saying "I'm wary of men because men" is perfectly acceptable and met with support but saying "I'm wary of black men" is evil and racists. (But only if you are a white girl. Or something.)

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[(Anonymous)]

Sure, attacking them would be wrong, but enabling or not questioning that misconception isn't the solution, is it? Your feelings are your feelings, but they're not always accurate. The question is, should people not question their feelings when they're based on biased experiences?

I had a bad time being bullied by white guys when I was a kid. Should I avoid them for life? Should my friends all pat me on the back and confirm that white guys are terrible and I'm right in viewing them as a group of homogeneously awful people?

Or... should they tell me that they understand my past experiences and those bullies were assholes, but they hope I will find out for myself that not all white guys are abusive jerks?

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[jaybie_jarrett]

Ah fuck it. I sound stupid and I should probably stop talking.

Sorry. I'm being dumb

Re: Does it make me sexist against my own gender...

[(Anonymous)]

My mother was horribly bullied in middle school. My mother was also the only white person in her middle school. These have combined in a truly unfortunate fashion; basically, she has trouble handling being the only white person in sight. Is it racist? Sure. She knows it's racist. It's also a whole slew of other problematic things. There's not much to be done about it.