fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2659 ]

[ SECRET POST #2659 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2659 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #380.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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There was this fundraising thing and towards the end of it we were all tired and caffeinated and I was sprawled in a chair, her in another... couple other people nearby... and I joked to the room as the thing began to wind down, "Let's just close early and go out to dinner." No one took me seriously... except her. She was really excited for it. And we made plans to go out Friday night after work. Figured eventually another coworker would be like "Ooh, cool, can I come?" Nope. It'll just be the two of us. And the more I think about it, the more I want to ask someone, anyone, to please come with us. Awkward.

Oh jfc. Just go as friends as you already seemed to have planned to do. You didn't mention you disliked her, so what's the problem? And, ask her if it's okay if you invite someone else before you actually invite someone else. Even if I'm going out as a friend I hate when the person I'm going out with tells me they invited someone else without me knowing. It's like, "Shit, my company not good enough for you?"

If it looks like she's leaning towards this being a romantic outing, you can tell her then that you are interested in being friends, not dating. But come on. You suggested it, you made plans. Don't be a fucking jerk and go hang out with her.

You kind of sound like you took that personally.

I gave my opinion on the situation posed. By definition, one's opinion is personal. I answered from experience with a similar situation. That too is personal. So, what's your point?

I see I was correct.

Your point was to be sure that I gave you a personal opinion, as would any other person to answer this thread? Congratulations.

Edited 2014-04-15 01:18 (UTC)

That doesn't make me feel much better, to be honest. I don't know how to navigate this situation, and now I have to clear it with her before I ask anyone else (which would be just as awkward), or just be uncomfortable alone with her. Fuck, I suck at social situations. I never should have opened my mouth.

Tell her a last minute thing came up and you're really sorry.

Do they really need to ask her permission to ask someone else? since they already posed the question to co-workers

It's a nice thing to do. Since as far as she knows that it's only going to be them two. I mean, technically no, since he did pose the question to other people at the time. But the other people weren't interested and now she's under the impression it's not a group thing, I think it'd be nice.

Eh. What's your problem exactly? It's not like men and women* can't go to dinner as friends. If you don't want it to be a date, it's not a date.

*or men and men or women and women or transgender et al.

I've never been in this situation. Groups, sure. Duo, nope.

That probably reflects more on you than it does on her then. You're the one making the huge deal out of this currently.

For all you know she isn't even interested in you as anything more than a friend.

Yes, it does. My mistake. Sorry for posting.

Wow, you really are bad at social situations. Knock it off with the passive-aggressive apologies, to start with.

Re: I think I might've accidentally asked a coworker out

fingalsanteater - 2014-04-15 02:41 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I think I might've accidentally asked a coworker out

crunchysunrises - 2014-04-15 03:59 (UTC) - Expand

I still don't get the problem. You can go out as friends. You can drink and have fun and chat and bitch about work as friends. You don't have to have a bunch of other people there. Having more people there doesn't make it more of a friend thing. If you want to make it a group thing, ask her if it'd okay to make it a group thing because some people don't like one-on-one's to turn into groups.

What? Were you looking for us to tell you to cancel? If you want to cancel, then cancel. It's a shitty thing to do, but if you are really uncomfortable, then cancel.

I'm incredibly socially awkward, and my only social outlets are work and FS. Being how they know me personally at work, I chose FS to try and sort this thing out in my head before I get to the point of crying in the middle of a restaurant because I don't know what the fuck I am doing out in public alone with this girl. That's how things go for me. I realize I am fucked in the head and that normal people such as yourself don't have these nagging fears. Sorry to have bothered you with my problems. Won't happen again.

think of it as a new adventure

You might have mentioned this in your original post. You know, since it affects how we interpret the situation.

That said... calm down. It's not a big deal or a date unless you want it to be, and if you do decide to go you could potentially make a new friend out of the deal.

Look, as someone who gets incredibly anxious about social situations - I'm sure nothing truly awful or embarrassing will happen. The odds of her running away in horror are minimal, and even if it gets awkward, it's likely you'll be the only one to notice. I'd be brave and go, anon - the number of times I've agonised over a social encounter only to find it fun, I can't tell you. That said, if you call and cancel, don't do it too soon before the outing.

Yeah, like herpy said, might've mentioned that social situations make you nervous in your first post because I would've answered totally differently. You kind of came of as a dude who didn't want to go out with a girl he didn't like just because as opposed to a dude that is just really nervous about social situations.

"Normal people" such as myself do have these nagging fears because most people have some fears related to social situations. When you are in a group do you let others in the group do the talking? If you do some talking when you are in groups, just take that experience and transfer it. What do you talk about? Work? Personal stuff? The atmosphere of the place? So now you are talking like it's a group outing, but it's only you and her. How well do you know her? Try to get to know her better. Ask her about work stuff. Are you drinking? Ask her what drinks she likes. You can pull this off and I think you will have a lot of fun.

Re: I think I might've accidentally asked a coworker out

(Anonymous) - 2014-04-15 02:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I think I might've accidentally asked a coworker out

fingalsanteater - 2014-04-15 02:25 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I think I might've accidentally asked a coworker out

(Anonymous) - 2014-04-15 03:30 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I think I might've accidentally asked a coworker out

(Anonymous) - 2014-04-15 04:02 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I think I might've accidentally asked a coworker out

(Anonymous) - 2014-04-15 14:48 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I think I might've accidentally asked a coworker out

crunchysunrises - 2014-04-15 04:10 (UTC) - Expand

Woah I don't know why everyone's suddenly ganging up on you. It seems like a reasonable dilemma (then again, i'm kind of hideously socially incapable so maybe this isn't a thing most people would be worried about?)

Anyway, I don't think it would be out of line to ask someone else to come with you if you feel uncomfortable because you never specifically planned it just with her in the first place.

This is hardly "everyone ganging up on" them.

AYRT
Yeah wait nevermind, on a reread everyone was actually much nicer than the impression I got on my first readthrough

If you originally suggested it as a group thing I don't know why she would think it was a date.

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