fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2706 ]

[ SECRET POST #2706 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2706 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 079 secrets from Secret Submission Post #387.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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"even if it does play up the 'all women are terrified all the time' trope"

Question for female posters: how true/relevant/whatever the appropriate term is does Jezebel's portrayal of fear of rape feel to you? That is to say, do you feel that you are regularly at risk of being raped? On the one hand, Jezebel articles are absolutely LIVID about men who don't believe that women are constantly at risk of being raped, so I'm terrified of questioning it, but on the other hand, the rhetoric they use about how women are under attack sometimes reminds me way too much of the rhetoric about how Christians are under attack.

I'm more afraid of being robbed than raped, honestly. And even that's not really at the forefront of my mind, like... ever.

But then I don't see men as Predators Who Are Out To Get Me.

Not at all. I mean honestly, if I was "terrified all the time" I would probably go and see a psychiatrist.

That is to say, do you feel that you are regularly at risk of being raped?

Depends where I am. It's more a fear of just generally having to deal with a strange guy who may or may not be friendly. I don't know why so many people are hellbent on not believing that yes, there are a fair amount of women who navigate in public places warily.

It's not on my mind unless it's at night and by a bad part of town/bar area.

Not familiar with Jezebel so can't comment regards to their appropriate portrayal, but...

It's not that I literally think I am going to be raped, but I am constantly aware of the possibility. Does that make sense? Like I live my life doing all those stupid things "don't walk alone at night, don't leave your drink unattended, don't accept drinks from strangers, don't get alone into a car with a strange man, don't go anywhere alone with a strange man" etc, but it's not like it's a constant fear, it's just that the possibility and the idea of safety (or lake therof) is so ingrained that rape and safety precautions are just a part of life.

It's not as...flamboyant? as a lot of articles make it out, but it is a part of life.

I can agree with this.

Yeah, pretty much this.

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

(Anonymous) - 2014-05-31 20:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

feotakahari - 2014-05-31 21:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

(Anonymous) - 2014-05-31 20:53 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

silvereriena - 2014-05-31 22:43 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 01:01 (UTC) - Expand

I've never been afraid of being raped.

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

ariakas - 2014-05-31 21:40 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

dancing_serpent - 2014-05-31 21:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

ariakas - 2014-05-31 22:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

dancing_serpent - 2014-05-31 22:32 (UTC) - Expand

Personally, I'm usually wary when alone on the street at night, especially when in a seedy, secluded area, but that's not because of a fear of rape. It's because it's fucking common sense to be aware and cautious of your surroundings in a potentially dangerous situation.

I'm not terrified all the time. Why? Because I:

Check my front door. Check my backdoor. Look around when I go to my car to go to work. Notice any men. Smile at them. Maybe not smile at them. Don't wear provocative clothing. Carry my keys so I can stab someone in the eye with them. Carry my purse in a way that I can easily drop it and run. Sometimes I have my phone in my hand so I can call someone if I need to. I don't go out alone, I always get a new drink if I've left the old one there, I never talk to strange men except when they talk to me and I'm always absolutely polite (but not TOO polite)....

You see, I'm not terrified.

I'm fucking EXHAUSTED.

It's not so much a fear of rape as it is a fear of being attacked or killed or even just harassed (I've been harassed many times), however seeing as I was raped, the thought that it could happen again is something that I think about every time I leave my house and I am extremely careful of my surroundings. Like an above poster said, it's not as flamboyant as all the hype is making it, but it's still there.

I do hope all this talk DOES bring something good out of it and tons of awareness. Because I am tired of feeling afraid. But I understand that not all people feel that way so I can see why people would be sick of the talk. :/

Well, I never really felt fear much beyond the usual caution most people (not just women) would take - you know, stay out of certain areas, don't walk home alone, take a cab if drunk, etc. Then, I was assaulted (see a thread above; sheesh, looks like my day for venting).

Now? Fuck it. Even though I know that the chances of lightning striking twice n the same place (so to speak) are slim, and I've mostly gotten over it, I do carry pepper spray with me as a sort of "security blanket" if I am going anywhere alone. Because, while I don't BELIEVE it'll necessarily happen again, and while I am not (anymore) terrified anytime I hear footsteps behind me, I still do feel like I'd want to have the option IF.

What I carry is not the "marketed to women" stuff that the article talks about (which, from what I've seen on offer, would probably be freaking USELESS in an actual incident because, no, when somebody attacks you, you don't have time to find it, release a complicated safety switch, and still be able to use it from a reasonably safe distance) but something developed for people handling aggressive dogs. It's no nonsense, fits comfortably in one hand, simple spray nozzle. (Also, for black humor value, if I ever DO have to use it and have to justify that, I fully intend to, with a perfectly straight face, claim that I have a deep seated fear of wild dogs and I thought this one had "rapies")

So, I guess my feeling is 50/50 - on the one hand I've experienced the negative first hand, and on the other I'm distanced from that enough to realize that of 15 years of being in this city as an adult woman that I only once had a problem and that, statistically speaking, my city is pretty damn safe overall compared with the rest of the world.

Should we all be panicked all the time? No. Panic is paralyti.

Should we be aware of our surroundings and take reasonable precautions? Yes. That's good advice for everybody.

Should we all carry a weapon or constantly wear anti-rape-undies?

Weapons only if one is capable of handling them responsibly. (And no, I really don't have a good way of deciding who is and who isn't capable. After all, I'm biased and, as said, I carry something I believe I'd be able to use but which I admittedly have zero training in; I'll leave that for wiser, less biased heads than mine.)

Anti-rape-undies? Can't imagine that actually being a successful stratagem- a) you'd have to have them ALWAYS (because who can predict this sort of thing reliably enough to avoid an awkward "Oh, I can't go to that event where rape is a possibility because my only pair of rape-be-gone undies is in the wash!" situation) and b) I wouldn't want to risk facing
the attacker's wrath when he's thwarted by my underwear.

Bottom line is there is, unfortunately, no magical device or course of action that will guarantee anyone's safety. (Face it, if there WERE, we'd all be using it, no?) I find fear-mongering reprehensible, but also believe that people should be able to find the products and services they need (again, within reason, again, no I can't delineate what 'within reason' is, sorry) to feel safe.

So, I guess what I'd change is the angle of the marketing. I'd like to be respected and treated like an adult. Something that instead of going "OMG! RAPISTS BEHIND EVERY BUSH! CARRY OUR MAGIC RAPIST-BE-GONE!" simply states, generally, "Our product does X, and may be useful for self-defense in Y situation." But yeah, maybe when pigs fly.

I've looked into the crime stats for my area. Despite crime being massive, with no ties to anyone in the area I think I'm the safest person here. People around here typically only are assholes to people they know and/or of their own race. Whenever I go out I'm with someone so I don't even think about it.

Though I do get spooked after crime or ghost hunting show marathons.

I've never experienced any attack on my person but I have see someone shoot into a car and a rob a store from my living room window.

These self defense products are people trying to make money. What do the Jezebel fear mongers get out of it?

(reply from suspended user)

No. Street crime is pretty much nonexistent here, as long as you avoid bars around closing times, and I don't associate with shitheads that would take advantage of me.

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

diet_poison - 2014-05-31 23:05 (UTC) - Expand

The problem is that women ARE at risk of being raped. Just not by strangers on the street.

Almost every time, if you're raped, it'll be by someone you already know.

And that's why most of these self-defense gimmicks might as well be magic charms: because none of them will protect you against someone that you've invited into your home.

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

(Anonymous) - 2014-05-31 22:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 15:36 (UTC) - Expand

I'm not concerned about it at all. I know the statistics, and I know that it's actually very rare for women to be assaulted by a stranger - most rapes are committed either by a domestic partner or someone the woman knows.

Really, I'm more worried about being robbed than raped. That's a far more likely scenario.

Depends. I'm not very threatened or scared walking around in the middle of day in the city. But it's a different story in the middle of the night when not a lot people are around. It's not just I'm afraid of being raped, though I'm aware that it's a possibility, but in the general sense that it's more likely I'm going to get attacked when alone at night. I just try to be generally careful. But I've never been actively afraid someone was going to rape me.

Edited 2014-05-31 22:44 (UTC)

No, that's a good question. I think the best answer is: it varies from woman to woman.

I think if I'm alone at night outside in many places, I'm wary and on my guard. If I'm alone in a crowded place during the day, I feel pretty safe. I've never been attacked or raped, so most of my "wariness" (except alone at night) is less emotional and more "knowledge that strangers can mean trouble".

I think for women who are raised in some situations, or have experienced an attack, or both, their wariness level shoots up waaay high. And if a man isn't respectful of that then he's being a tool.

Edited 2014-05-31 23:06 (UTC)

it's not really rape that i look out for, it's unwanted contact in general. assault, mugging, rape, groping, what have you. i look pretty defenseless bc im tiny and i guess i just look like a clueless bimbo, so i know people who are looking to cause trouble would be quick to scope me out as easy pickings (theyre wrong, but thats not really a bad thing for society. i'd be happy to floor a mugger).

so i do things almost without thinking like locking my car doors if im sitting alone at night and there are men/a man walking my way.

but i dont blame women who live in fear or who are fearful in general of being assaulted. the likelihood of a woman being assaulted is disgustingly high, and that risk increases depending on what demographics you belong to (ie. if you are trans). in addition, the odds of a random man that passes you on the street being a rapist (as in, having raped before) is something like one in ten. that's a pretty substantial risk, considering most of us are in contact with a good number of men every day, and you never know when youre going to run into a man who 1) is willing to rape and 2) feels like it on that particular day. so i might not be all that fearful on a daily basis, namely because i tend to be in the company of men that i trust with my life, but i dont mock women who are genuinely afraid. it's not funny it's sad, and the worst part is their fear isn't all that unfounded.

"You say not all men are monsters? Imagine a bowl of M&Ms. 10% of them are poisoned. Go ahead. Eat a handful. Not all M&Ms are poison."

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 01:28 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Suprisingly decent article on self defence

insanenoodlyguy - 2014-06-01 05:41 (UTC) - Expand

I've never been afraid of being raped, but I do take precautions, like keeping to well lit areas, always trying to look as though I know where I'm going, sitting near a m/f couple if I'm travelling late on the tube.

Ironically, the only time I've ever come close to being attacked -- by a man holding a tree branch like a club (!) -- it was because he thought I was a man. I'd deliberately dressed in a big coat and boots and hidden my hair, trying to look 'manly', thinking that that would make me safer. But it was only when I turned and confronted him, having no other option, that he realised I was a woman, backed down and, eventually, apologised.

I'm wary about any assault from a man, whether it's rape or another kind. Not terrified or anything (because I've been fortunate enough to not be assaulted so far), but I'm always aware that if a grown man takes some kind of issue with me for whatever reason, my chances of getting out unscathed are very bad (unlike with an adult woman close to my size who I'd have better odds against), and my chances of getting sympathy from authorities are almost as abysmal (being a black female), so I try to be reasonably cautious around men. Not scared, I just don't give them the benefit of the doubt.

I've been thinking about this as well so it's cool to see what other people think. As if I'm somehow taking away from the legitimacy of the problem by not personally experiencing it?? I'm definitely not terrified all the time. I respect all the reasons other women have to see sexual violence as a constant possibility, but I also don't think I'm wrong about my life. I definitely do not assess every man as a potential threat and calculate my behaviour accordingly. I am a fairly assertive and unapproachable woman so maybe I don't get the expectations other women do? I'm also a socially inept introvert so I'm very rarely at ease with other people anyway.

I take basic precautions, but it doesn't feel like "terror of rape". A teen girl was abducted and raped in a wooded lot near my elementary school when I was a kid. I don't walk on trails through the woods alone. That kind of thing. But I live in a safe city. I'm realistic about the threats I face that my boyfriend doesn't, but it's not a definitive experience of my gender!!!!

"do you feel that you are regularly at risk of being raped?"

No, not at all.

There have been two times when someone made me felt uncomfortable enough to fear being raped and both times I used excuse to avoid being alone with them, got away ASAP from the creeper (both were people who seemed ok enough at first and I knew them for several months before the incident) and avoided them from then on.

Now, if we talk about being mugged (and maybe killed in the process), then yes, every time I have to walk alone at night and in fact I don't know anyone, man or woman, who doesn't have the same fear.
It's to be expected though, since it's the most common crime in my city and robbers are usually armed.

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