[ SECRET POST #2953 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2953 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 034 secrets from Secret Submission Post #422.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

I've always been a happily weird person, but I'm starting to think that my clothes are putting people off on first glance. And not because their weird, but because they're put together or rich-looking.

Here's the thing: I don't wear pants. I find jeans super uncomfortable and find that any pants are unflattering on me because of the way they accentuate my shortness. So I always wear a skirt or dress, usually with long socks or tights if it's cold, a well-cut shirt (I gave up on tees when they started feeling like they were choking me), and usually a cardigan made up of cotton or wool. I also make sure my colors coordinate, and I never wear sweat-anything because my parents are from places where it snows and they have drummed it into me that sweatshirts are useless, you have to wear wool to be warm (I'm in the southwest US).

This is what I'll be wearing in a group of kids in community college and everyone in jeans and pajama tops are eyeing me no one will start a conversation, so I have to. Or I'll just be out and about when someone makes a snide comment about me being a "rich little white girl". Apparently my clothing makes me look wealthy, even though I tell anyone that wants to know that I simply have an easy figure to dress and everything I wear either comes from a thriftstore (I'm so spoiled by my mothers' expertise at thrifthunting them that I can't wear anything less than cashmere when it comes to will), Target (underwear and socks) and/or Payless (shoes). I can afford an iPad because I don't spend that money on clothes.

What do these people want from me? Should I start dressing like an uncomfortable schlub until I finally enter the working world and I'm supposed to be neat and put together? Wear jeans that show just how weird the shape of my butt is? Freeze my ass off in flip-flops in December? GARGH.

Re: Clothing Rant

[iceyred]

I get those comments and I shop at consignment shops and thrift shops too. I just tell preen and reapply my lipstick. Their rudeness does not detract from how awesome I am.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

That is the perfect attitude. :D

I wonder what it is with people who seem to think that thrift store clothes have to look like they're from a thrift shop -- which to their minds are something vintage and/or funky or one thing only used as an accent piece. Do they not realize that places like Goodwill (not those chichi "vintage boutiques" that charge three times as much for worse quality clothing) sell things that have been donated from the year before? And are often in perfect condition except for a tear or an easily fixed stain? I have shit from all kinds of boutiques I would never even bother walking into at full price.

Re: Clothing Rant

[herpymcderp]

Whatever. It's not like you're showing up at work looking like you just stepped out of a dumpster. You just do you/haters gonna hate/etc.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

If that is going to be peoples' opinion of you, then continue to be a nice person and maybe people will realize the judgments are inaccurate.

You know who you are and you have nothing to prove to anyone. If people want to make derogatory comments, it reflects on them and not you.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

To be totally honest, you do sound a little pretentious (the "can't wear anything less than cashmere" comment made me roll my eyes), but there's no crime in looking nice and whatever makes you most comfortable is cool. Even if you did start shlubbing it, a different subset of people would judge you for it, 'cause people judge by nature.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

yeah, I got the "snob" vibe from that comment too. Idk, OP, I'm usually the schlub in my group in jeans and a fandom t-shirt while they're dressed in full Lolita or something, and that doesn't really get in the way of us being friends. Maybe you just need to loosen up some. Or maybe those people are assholes. Who knows.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

That comment made me snicker, too.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

Dress how you want? Sounds like where you live your clothing style is somewhat out of place, and I guess people making comments about it is an unfortunate occurrence of that :/
You do sound kind of pretentious though. I sometimes go out in sweats and sneakers, but it doesn't mean I'm a "schlub".

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

Are you sure you're not giving off some kind of vibe? Cuz some of what you said comes off a little snobby (won't wear anything but cashmere, implying that anyone who doesn't dress the way you do is a schlub)...

Re: Clothing Rant

[elaminator]

Hmm, I hope that wasn't what OP meant, but I just assumed they were saying they would be uncomfortable and awkward in casual clothing (And thus look and feel ridiculous) because they aren't used to wearing them.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

I'm similar, but as a guy, I can get away with it easier. I'm just that one guy who's always wearing a suit jacket and a button-up shirt unless it's 90 degrees out. Men aren't judged quite as hard on our clothes, so it's a mere eccentricity.

Re: Clothing Rant

[elaminator]

Honestly, don't even worry about it. Wear what you like and feel comfortable in.

I WISH I was that comfy in skirts and dresses. I don't know how to sit in them and probably end up looking awkward. (I like skirts a lot, but grew up in jeans. I'm short too, so I feel you; fit can be tricky.)

And thrift stores are a good idea...

Maybe they'll quit being dicks. Eventually. If they don't, it isn't your problem.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

Looking like a "rich girl" is... an insult? I mean I assume that means you dress very nicely and your clothes always look top quality. I really would have trouble taking that as an insult.

Dress how you like and try not to lose sleep over people telling you you look well put together.

"Right little white girl", really? lol

Re: Clothing Rant

[cloud_riven]

Please, it's not the clothes that are putting people off, it's you're being overly self-conscious and over-thinking about any other reason why. Who knows, maybe you come off dickish or awkward or something. Your clothes don't cover personality is what I'm saying.

You sound comfy with your style though, and coordinating comes naturally enough that it's just what you do. Now stop for a minute and consider that the average college kid is going to dress for comfort, and obviously easy and affordable comfort.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

You do sound a bit snobby/pretentious. And this is coming from someone who also dresses "put-together."

Dress however you want, but accept that the way you dress is not normal on a college campus, so you're going to look out of place and get weird looks, same as you would give the "schlubs" in jeans weird looks if they showed up to a business-setting in flip-flops.

If it really bothers you that much, consider dressing down your outfits. You can still wear your skirts and dresses, but wear a denim jacket or a sweatshirt or something with it instead of a frigging cashmere sweater, idk. And how do you do your hair/makeup? Because that can be adjusted to look more casual, as well.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

Anon, I totally do the same!

Hate, hate, hate skinny jeans. I'm so glad I stopped wearing them. They don't suit me and they're uncomfortable. So glad I switched to wearing bootcut pants instead.

Sure, they may look businesslike, but they're so comfy! And they don't accentuate my Kardashian butt.

90% of the clothes in my wardrobe are thrifted. The other 10% were bought for under $10, on sale at various times. I've found some incredibly expensive brand-name items at thrift stores.

Wear whatever the hell you want to wear, anon, and wear it proudly! I'm certainly not going to be putting on skinny jeans any time soon just because everyone else is wearing them.

And if you're worried about people being put off, it always helps to smile and cultivate a friendly demeanour. I myself have a terrible case of resting bitchface that I have to fight, otherwise I look like a serial killer.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

I hate skinny jeans as well, and love wearing skirts! I like to dress pretty, too. You're fine, wear whatever's comfortable. people being up their own ass and intimidated that you look nice are probably people not worth knowing anyway.

Re: Clothing Rant

[caffeine_buzz]

If that's what makes you feel comfortable, that's what you should wear. But I kinda agree with some of the people above, maybe you're giving off a vibe? Speaking as someone who also only wears skirts and dresses (I think the only pants I own are pajama pants) and likes to coordinate and look nice, I don't think I've ever gotten that kind of reaction from people. I actually usually get really positive feedback from people on my clothes, people have told me they like that I dress different. I usually like to add some accessories or cute shoes or jewelry, maybe worth a try (it can sometimes help with conversation too, if it catches someone's eye)? Also keep in mind that those people dressing like "schlubs" are wearing what's comfortable for them, no different than you are, and judging them for their clothes really isn't any better than when they judge you for yours.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

While I guess this could be a language-regional thing, "jeans and pajama tops" really took me aback. You mean... shirts without buttons? And what does wearing "sweat-anything" have to do with being warm? You are over-thinking your differences, I think.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

You should move to Vancouver, lol. So many dressed up girls on my school campus!

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

Chill, friend classy-dresser. This might indeed be adding to the difficulty of getting to know people -- but lots of little things add to the difficulty of people getting to know each other all the time. Or rather: getting to know people is hard. Heck, starting college, everyone's going to be nervous and searching for any cues that can help them make sense of each other at a glance. First impressions suck, so work to move past them. Practice your social skills even though you don't make a friend every conversation. Put acceptance of the people you're talking to out there and it can encourage them to reciprocate.

You're also going to learn to be more comfortable with yourself and the image you project; and yeah, you're projecting an image, and you always have been even if you didn't realize it, but again, so does everybody. You can't make everyone like you, but when you're comfortable with yourself it's easier to make other people feel like they can be comfortable with you.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

Errrr, yeah. I don't think the clothes help, but in your case I'd say it's you giving off the vibe that's making a poor impression on your peers.

* Thrifting is awesome! But do yourself a favor and never, ever repeat the phrase "I can't wear anything less than cashmere" out loud to anyone. That actually startled a little giggle out of me because it sounded so pretentious I thought you were joking. But you... aren't joking? Oh, dear. :(

* "everyone in jeans and pajama tops", "uncomfortable schlub", "I can afford an iPad because I don't spend that money on clothes" - Oh dear again. On the one hand, you believe your problem is that people are judging you negatively by the more formal clothing you wear, but it's very clear from your post that you're doing a lot of judging yourself. My guess is that since you don't seem aware of this, you're also not aware of just how strong a "eeewwwww, you flip-flop wearing cretin!" vibe you're giving off.

* I'm also from a place where it snows, and no, you don't "have to" wear wool to be warm. Wool's nice. So are layers of other non-wool fabric and even fleece!

* Speaking as a shortie, I can verify that yes, finding pants that fit and are comfortable can be tough but it's not impossible. This and the whole "have to wear wool to be warm" thing is a little weird, to be honest. It's like you're scrambling to rationalize your decisions before anyone even questions them. I suspect that note of defensiveness is part of the vibe you're giving off unconsciously.


Another thing no one seems to have addressed yet is that you seem very appearance conscious. You don't want to wear certain types of clothing because you feel they're not flattering. But surely it's occurred to you that this is part of the divide between you and your classmates? College is a time when lots of students choose comfort over style, because few people feel the need to be a fashion plate while trying not to fall asleep during Comp. Lit 203. You stand out because you look as though you're choosing style over comfort (remember, your classmates don't know you prefer skirts/dresses!) and they probably think you're looking down on them for not choosing the same.

And, you know... they're not wrong. You kind of are. Which is entirely your choice! But you don't seem happy with the consequences, which is why I'm mentioning it. If you don't want to change your clothing (and it looks like you really, really don't), then working on your attitude and how you come off to other people is your only other option.

Re: Clothing Rant

[(Anonymous)]

What do people want from you? In general, probably not much, at least not much in the way of changing the way you dress. But specifically, if you're going around thinking that your fellow students are all shlubs, maybe they're picking up on that and would like you to stop.

And as someone who owns way too many cashmere sweaters, but only two of them new, does not wear pants due to a distinctive humpy dumpty shape, and whose clothing is 95% thrifted, barring socks, bras, shoes, and underoos-- ffs, do not do the whole "I can't do less than cashmere" thing. I have a weakness for Peter Fox shoes and Alexander McQueen anything, and absolutely no one gives two shits unless I make a big deal about it. I can count on one hand the number of times anyone's been impressed by my designer tchotchkes--it's almost always other clothes snobs.

If you want people to judge you less, you can either consciously stop caring when they do, or, if you think there's an element of envy to their comments, offer to share your expertise and take them thrifting. Boom, reduced resentment and possible new friends/study buddies all at once. Maybe you'll start a new trend.

Re: Clothing Rant

[solticisekf]

Do what you have to do, OP. Try dressing like everybody else, see if it helps with how people see you or how sociable -you- feel.
You can totally go through college without making friends too, that's ok.
Are you sure it's the clothes? People in college are, what, 16? They should know better than judje someone for clothes at that age.
Your clothes might even help you with your marks because teachers see you and think 'Right. She looks like she always gets As, I'm going to give her an A'.
You can try adding some fashionable acsessories. Idk, what's in. In the autumn I saw neon colored earings, etc. In the summer small bags on chains. I'd say a srarf to wear indors and some nail polish - should make you look mainstream.
Update here on FS if there's any new developement, I'd like to know how things go for you. :)