fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3034 ]

[ SECRET POST #3034 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3024 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

At what age do you judge a girl/woman for having a baby?

Honestly curious because I was having a debate with a couple friends and it was interesting how diverse the responses were, but it's the kind of thing nobody discusses even when everyone does it.

40. Once a woman hits her late thirties the chances of having a horribly malformed or autistic kid skyrocket, plus she will probably struggle with the childcare duties. That is no good on her and no good on the kid. A lot depends on the individual woman of course, and her family history, but 40 makes a good "Bright Line" moment.

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:32 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:34 (UTC) - Expand

Anything below 25 is pure ghetto and the definition of making bad life choices.

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:14 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 14:37 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 17:01 (UTC) - Expand

I guess I'd judge a woman pretty harshly for having a kid in her late thirties. I totally judge that German granny who is having quaduplets. She's going to die before before those kids even hit their teens.

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

kallanda_lee - 2015-04-16 02:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 02:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

kallanda_lee - 2015-04-16 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

I don't. I really don't care enough about other people's kids to judge when they have them.

Re: going anon for this

kallanda_lee - 2015-04-16 02:08 (UTC) - Expand

Younger than 20 or older than 35. That fifteen years inbetween is the only judgment free zone.

Is this about that German lady, who is having kids at 65?
http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory/german-mother-13-pregnant-quadruplets-age-65-30276751

Yeah, I judge her bad.

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:49 (UTC) - Expand

Zero fucks given about age, but I do have a concern that anyone having children due to accidental pregnancy is going to regret it, and therefore might take it out on their children.

Younger than 20 and older than 40.

Younger than 22 and older than 40.

There is a German version of the Duggar, she's had thirteen kids and is having quads at age sixty five. It'll probably make her pelvis explode.

Younger than 18 (unless married).

Older than 40 if purposely trying to get pregnant (my youngest aunt was an "oopsie" baby when my staunchly Roman Catholic Grandma was 42, for reference).

65 is too old, but I'm surprised at some of these answers. I definitely wouldn't judge someone for having a baby at 21 or 40, assuming they aren't in a bad or unstable situation.

Below age 25 is pushing it for me. I know accidents happen, but if a person voluntarily decides to have a child at that age... just no.

I'm a little surprised by the responses that judge the 35+ crowd, though. How old are you guys, out of curiosity? Lots of people (men AND women) find it difficult to get through school, get a decent job, pay off student loans, get a stable relationship much before age 30. Especially in this economy. It's not ideal, but a lot of women don't have much choice. If they want a family, they're probably going to be starting it in their early 30s.

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:57 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 02:57 (UTC) - Expand

Why would I judge an adult for having a baby? And if a child is having a baby, my reaction is ALARM, not disdain.

We come from a family with lots of teen pregnancy, rape, and incest. Having a child early (especially when you're a child yourself under the control of an incestuous family) is much more complicated than, "SHOULDA KEPT YOUR LEGS TOGETHER." Especially since in our state, kids need PERMISSION from their parents to have an abortion.

I have a sneaking suspicion that one teen pregnancy in our family may have been incest based. She gave the child up for adoption, got disowned, and from what I hear became a drug addict. But she was just making bad choices, right?

The other teen pregnancy I know about involved one of our cousins, and far as I know had no incest involved. Their lives were totally torn apart, despite them both trying to do the right thing. Now they have their lives together, three kids, and far as I know are pretty happy and together, despite her health problems. I'm really proud of all they achieved, and I refuse to judge my cousin and his wife for doing the best they could in a really difficult situation. Especially when from all accounts, they turned out to be much better parents than the generations before them.

--Rogan

Re: This is actually a pretty personal subject for me.

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: This is actually a pretty personal subject for me.

lb_lee - 2015-04-16 01:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: This is actually a pretty personal subject for me.

(Anonymous) - 2015-04-16 00:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: This is actually a pretty personal subject for me.

lb_lee - 2015-04-16 01:12 (UTC) - Expand

Why in the world would I judge someone at any age for having a child? I have no idea what is going on in their life or what they've gone through.

I don't because it's not my business, I might be worried for the mother if there were potential health risks but that's about it.

Re: going anon for this

rhadamantys - 2015-04-16 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

nightscale - 2015-04-16 03:46 (UTC) - Expand

~~I judge all breeders.~~ Nah, more like my facebook friends under 25.

Sometimes I feel pity for anyone and their resulting child who gets pregnant while still in school, paying off student loans, or stuck in a dead-end job regardless of age. Then I feel uneasy because I'm still essentially making condescending judgements about what is possibly their fully-informed choice.

Under 18. I know a girl who'd a baby at 18. So strange thinking about her being my age and sending a kid to school already. So precious.
I don't think there's an upper age limit as long as the parents can provide for their children. The times when people thought that 22 year unmarried girls were all spinsters have passed.
I'm sirprised at '25' answers here, tbh.

Re: going anon for this

making_excuses - 2015-04-16 20:13 (UTC) - Expand

Re: going anon for this

solticisekf - 2015-04-17 18:15 (UTC) - Expand

Honestly? Any age. I think people blindly have children and it's pretty disgusting. They just run with it sounding like a good idea.

lol

Eh I don't. I don't know the whole story and I really have no right or reason to make a judgment.

Some of the remarks in this thread, make me really concerned about some people.

Judge? Never. I don't know their story or how this came to be. I don't know what access to education, contraceptives, fertility treatments, healthy support systems, or anything else they might have, and I don't know if they consented to either the sex or the method of contraception (or lack of). I also don't know how my judgment might affect them or anybody in similar situations who hears/reads that judgment. So no. Never. Not based on age, certainly. I might be concerned depending on the circumstances, but I'm significantly more concerned with not shaming someone who's context I might never know.

Under 18. Older than 18 if still mentally under 18. No, having a baby isn't creating someone who will love you forever no matter what and who will be a cute little doll for you to dress up. Babies are a lot of effort and work and parents need to be responsible enough to take care of them.

As for upper age limit, probably in their 60s, for a dad or a mom. As given life expectancies, that parent will likely be dead before the child graduates high school.

I don't. I literally do not care. I think it's sad when they're very young and they were clearly not planning on it, but that's more projecting about how desperate I'd have been if that happened too me than judgement.

I knew a lot of girls who had babies under the age of 18 (lots of factors going in to that fact but basically: im in texas and our sex ed is exactly as bad as you've heard) and its kind of sad to me how many people are saying they judge girls who have children under 18 because they are already in a hard enough spot and just sneering at them helps no one.

I judge more on a case by case basis, not "if you are X age keep your legs shut."