[ SECRET POST #3056 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3056 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #437.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

The fact that she's constantly COMPLAINING about something I wish I could have just makes me sad.

Astonishingly, different people want different things. You might want what she has, but how is that a reason she should be happy with it, since it's quite obviously not what she wants?

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

I could be wrong, but I don't think OP meant that she should be happy with it, just that it sucks to hear somebody complain about something you want.

It's like my best friend constantly complaining about how she can't gain weight no matter what she does and how much it sucks when I'd love to have that problem. That doesn't mean she should be happy about it because I know it's not what she wants, but it still annoys me to hear about it. I don't tell her it annoys me (and it doesn't sounds like OP is saying this to her mom either) but it doesn't mean I can't vent about it when I'm not around her.

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

IDK, OP is just giving off this vibe of "What a harpy, she wants something I don't want."

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

no they're not

not even a little

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

OP still gives the impression that they think Mom is ungrateful.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think she's ungrateful at all, it's more like the person above said. I know it's not what she wants so I don't think she should just suddenly be happy with the situation, I was just venting.

The main thing that bothers me is that she frames it as "people who don't like sex are sick and wrong". And like I said in another comment, she complains but won't do anything that could maybe fix the situation, just "he's the one who's wrong, he should shut up and do it", which I don't think is really fair.

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

Seriously, the person you're judging here is the OP, and not the mom who is unloading onto her daughter her complaints about her sex life with the OP's dad?

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

I think, more than anything else, I'm reacting to the judgment that I'm seeing here, that OP's mom is childish and immature not because she's dumping her dissatisfaction with her nonexistent sex life on her daughter, but because, and I quote, "she's not getting any and she places so much importance on that that it's damaging her sense of self-worth." I got the impression that OP's mom was someone whose needs were not only not being met, but were being dismissed as silly. And that posters thought she was foolish and childish to let that affect her sense of self worth. As if having your needs (or even your wants) go unmet, and your distress about that dismissed, couldn't possibly cause a person to feel devalued in their relationship.

Now, with the additional information OP has provided, it sounds like OP's mom knew going into the marriage that she was getting the Last of the Shakers, and she went ahead thinking that she was going to change her husband. That puts a very different complexion on the matter for me.

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[diet_poison]

...no

really they are not

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

It's not appropriate for a parent to bitch about her sex life with her child like that. It's also obnoxious as fuck when someone complains about something but never does anything about it. And it just makes it worse when they cap it off with blanket statements about entire groups of people and call men who don't fit in line "pussies."

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

Newsflash! People no longer allowed to be sad.

Re: Asexual with a mom who thinks it's "sick and fucked up"...feeling sad

[(Anonymous)]

Evidently not if they're icky sexysexuals.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

?

Not sure if this is directed at me or not, but if it is, I do think she's allowed to be sad about her situation. Being in a marriage with someone you're so utterly incompatible with in such a major way sounds horrible, and I would never want to be in that position. But to attack the other side is not the mature way to deal with it, and when you're insulting and judging a group that your child is a part of, even if you're not aware they are (and I honestly think it'd be even worse if she was aware), I think the child is allowed to feel hurt by your words.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry I spoke harshly of you, and I agree, it's not at all fair on you--both because it's cruel of her to insult and judge you (even if, as you say, she's doing it unwittingly because she's judging a group you belong to), and because it really, really is not right for a parent to use her child as her therapist.

I did get the impression that at least some of the other posters thought her distress about her situation--which is presumably the source of her animadversions about asexuals--was "ridiculous and narrow-minded," and that she was selfish for wanting more sex than your father was prepared to give. But with the new information you've given, it does sound as if she went into the marriage knowing that there was an issue, and she just expected your dad to change for her because...well, because.