fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3093 ]

[ SECRET POST #3093 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3093 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy]

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[Brendon Urie/Panic at the Disco]

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[Steven Universe]

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[Bones]

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[Ghostbusters, Bill Murray]

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[Game of Thrones]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 032 secrets from Secret Submission Post #442.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Feel free to whinge yourself, FS.

Mine is this: I've lost contact with my best friend for years--it's not that strange for us, actually, to not talk for months or years, because we're in different cities (islands) and we're always have a 'just come talk to me when you have the time' kind of relationship. We were by each other's side when we went through rough patches of our lives, though (her when her dad lost his job, mine when my dad was diagnosed with cancer made my depression worse) and she means a lot to me.

A few months a go I wanted to talk to her but found that her number's not working, I thought maybe she changed her number. Close Friend B said--why not message her from Facebook? Now, I don't have Facebook, so I couldn't, but I asked Close Friend B to just tell her I wanna catch up. B said she'll check her friendlist (or the equivalent on Facebook) and when she came back to me she said 'I've messaged her. Oh yeah, it looks like she's married now, and she has a baby too'

I'm rather speechless that I didn't know, and that I'm not invited, I'm left wondering if she doesn't see me as a close friend as I see her, or if she thinks I'm not a good presence in her life? The facebook message B sent hasn't been replied, and I don't want to nag, so I'm just here on FS confused and a bit hurt.

I have so much studying to do and I've been able to do very little the last couple of days. I've had a migraine since Sunday that will just not go away. It keeps getting worse. The pain killers are only helping slightly and making it so I can look at my computer screen or have a bit of light without agonizing pain. But they are also making me too groggy to study.

Honestly, I hate getting sick at the most inopportune times when I have things to do. And I need to do grocery shopping. I'm mostly out of food. But it is still light outside and I tried going out earlier and the sunlight was too painful.

Mostly I'm just frustrated and in pain.

I hate my co-worker. I hate her more every day. She seriously makes me want to quit my job. As soon as she walks into work, my mood instantly drops. And every time I have to go into the office we share, I get a bit more frustrated and sad.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Oh wow, sucks that you have to share an office. Get some of those noise-cancelling headphones, and angle yourself so you can't see her. And, if you can stand it, think to yourself 'there can be only one - and it's gonna be me!' And then outlast her.

I have headphones and listen to things. But I can often still hear her over them (I can't stand when she eats sunflower seeds). I have to be able to hear if my boss calls me. And it isn't just the noise. She sprays stuff all the time.

And she is so irresponsible! Today she was watching Netflix. She had the window minimized but would hover over it so the window would pop up small. And she left the backdoor to the shed open all weekend where the lawnmower was.

AND MY BOSS KNOWS ABOUT A LOT OF THIS STUFF! I don't know how she isn't fired. He barely even reprimands her. Like...did she catch him murdering someone and can blackmail him??? I just...it is so fucking frustrating.

I so know the feeling. My loathsome co-worker lasted for about 2 years, and left on his own when finally the pressure started to mount. But he should have been fired long ago. He was a dud, and it was painfully apparent he was a dud.

The problem was the direct manager - just does not have the backbone to handle that kind of employee. I get the management is difficult, and dealing with bad employees is stressful and hard, but that's the job. NOT dealing with it causes huge morale problems. And the team breaks down - I would not work with him, because I knew I would do all the work and he would take the credit, so what happens? Things don't get done.

I feel your pain, and hope it doesn't last too long. Because, yeah, been there. And it does suck the joy out of life.

It's okay to feel hurt, anon. A few things, though...

* Friends you keep in touch with sporadically with long gaps of silence (even comfortable silence!) aren't always the friends you invite to weddings. Weddings can be expensive, with a limited guest list that's already packed full of relatives and people they do talk to/see regularly. Sometimes people fall through the cracks.

* Planning a wedding, dealing with a new marriage and having a baby are all huge timesucks, which leaves less time to keep in touch with everybody, never mind friends you only talk to once in a while. Again, it's easy to fall through the cracks.

If you want to get in touch and you know her address, send her a card congratulating her on her marriage and baby. Make sure it includes ZERO passive aggressive references about how you weren't invited or how your friendship must not mean a lot if she didn't tell you these things. Express happiness, say how you'd love to catch up and give your contact info. Then the ball's in her court.

Agreed with the above poster. I'd also note that perhaps your friend had a small wedding, or actually eloped, which is my preferred modus operandi - who wants the hassle and drama and expense of a big wedding?

+3 was my thought. Sounds like they had a lot going on and they could have gone for a small wedding.

Your hurt feelings are still logical though. Hang in there and wait on a reply? I was rather miffed that an old friend never responded to a msg by me. Turns out they forgot to reply and by the time they remembered they were too embarrassed to. I was mollified that an apology was literally the first thing out of her mouth when we ran into each other. Might be the same with yours?

agreed with both of the above commenters. weddings can definitely be expensive, and sometimes the guest list has to be limited (my husband's brother is getting married, and a mutual friend was kind of offended that she hadn't been invited - but it is a small mostly-family wedding). and when i got married, i admittedly was lazy about sharing information with most people beyond facebook posts/pictures. maybe it was something like your friend's phone broke and she put up a facebook post requesting people's numbers, and you slipped through the cracks. it sucks though, and i totally understand being hurt and feeling left out.

i do agree the congratulatory card suggested by above anon is the best course of action.

I applied for a 400K grant for infrastructure funding. I'm 99% we're going to get it. I'm hanging on to my soul-crushing, boring as hell job, until I get the final, official word from DOT about that, then I'm going to update my resume and start looking for a new job.

And I'm giving them two weeks notice, no more. Enjoy recruiting and training someone on short notice, assholes.

Unexpected turn of events with some vacation plans that I don't care for at all.* And I feel so silly about it, but really atm I don't even want to go. Everything is booked and paid for though so I also don't feel like I have a choice.

*I started writing out just what this turn of events was, but then I got paranoid that perhaps some of the persons I'm going with frequents FS. Which is also silly, as part it is the fact that I'm suddenly have to deal with some strangers that I, from what people tell me, have nothing in common with. And everything is just going to be awkward (on my part) and just blah on some other things.

tbh as someone who has had this kind of relationship.... you probably aren't her best friend. You might mean a lot to her in an abstract way, but if you've been completely out of contact for years and this is a recurring thing, then for most people that isn't actually friendship.

Storytime:
Years ago I was in this position with the girl I thought of as my 'best friend'. I based her 'best friend'-ness on the fact that we'd been through some shit years before, even though we'd drop in and out of contact all the time. I tried to get in touch with her and found out basically everything in her life had changed in the time we'd not been talking. I asked her why she didn't tell me about all this shit, and she hit me with "Phones go both ways."

She was right, OP. Friendship doesn't happen passively in the background. There were people in my "best friend's" life that she could rely on way more than me, and people in my life who were really my besties unlike this girl that I didn't talk to for years at a time. I was upset because I hadn't been invited to the party, but I could've invited myself at any time just by picking up the phone and showing her that I actually cared about what was happening in her life.

This is so full of good points and I just wanted to say that.

IA with this. I've had friendships like this in the past, and while that is perfectly fine as long as you're content with it, these type of relationships are different. If you don't talk to someone for months or years at a time, it's reasonable to assume that their life and even personality has changed, and while I can understanding OP wanting to go to their friends wedding, I don't find it too surprising that they weren't invited. (Not because she doesn't like you...but because I'm sure she had a limited number of people to invite, so she probably invited friends and family she keeps in touch with on a regular basis.)

Again, this doesn't necessarily mean she isn't interested in talking to you, but if you care about her and want to be a bigger part of her life you're probably going to have to make some changes.

It'd be nice if people I rely on wouldn't fuck me over at the last minute. Repeatedly.

It was my goal to be no longer overweight by my birthday, but I have failed. I've lost almost 60 lbs so far which I know is good but I still have to lose about 25 to be at a healthy weight, and since my birthday is two weeks away it's obviously not going to happen. I feel like such a massive failure and everyone around me is like "but you already lost 60 lbs, you should just be happy about that!" and that's NOT THE POINT. The point is that I set a specific goal and I didn't achieve it. Period.

Related: When I was 16 there was this dress I wanted to buy SO BAD. But my mom said I was too fat for it and refused to let me. The thing is, I WASN'T fat back then, I just had an evil looks-obsessed mother who liked to fuck with my head by telling me I was. I would've looked good in that dress, and that's the only time in my life I would've.

Even if I lost enough weight to be that size again...I'm turning 30 in two weeks. I will never again be able to wear a short dress and look good, and the one time in my life when I would've been able to, I wasn't allowed to.

I will never again get to be young and thin and wear the kinds of clothes I wanted to wear back then but couldn't.

The best years of my life and my youth are gone. I wasted my 20s being fat and even if I lose the weight I want to, now my life is basically over.

I can't stop crying. :(

I'm trying to be kind here because you're upset, but I promise you that life does not end at age 30. You can still keep working on your goal of weight loss, there will still be pretty, short, dresses to buy and being over age 30 doesn't mean you can't look good.

You're upset and frustrated. It's causing a big loss of perspective and for the moment, let's set aside how unflattering this sounds to anyone older than 29. It's not real, anon. Your sadness is telling you lies about how your life is over. It isn't. Hopefully one day in the future, you'll look back and think how silly it is to think that being 30+ means having one foot in the grave.

60 lbs. weight loss is amazing, and good on you for achieving that! Keep up the good work, and don't lose hope.

damn, anon, that feeling of regret sucks.

But your 30s of today are kinda the 20s of yesterday. The youth obsession of today also means that you can "get away" with younger looking clothes, even stuff that would ping people as teenager. It's expected that people will want to relieve that time period and you can still look nice while doing so.

probably nicer than your 16 yo self could with a mother who tore her down, pimples (?) and a serious case of awkward baby face (nothing against 16 yo self tho, you were probably cute).
There's a reason why almost ALL teenagers get played by people older than 25 on tv. You've grown and aged. Anybody your age you can actually take seriously will find that more attractive in the end.

Oh anon. Please don't dwell on the bad, you're doing really well! I think setting hard deadlines for weight loss is setting you up for failure because your body can vary so much. Not meeting that deadline really doesn't make you a failure.

Nor is 30 that much of a deadline. You're still so young and have so much more to do in life. Don't hinge everything on the next two weeks prior to 30 :( there's some 40-50 years of life to go and they all have a chance of being your best years.

*hugs and back pats*

Edited 2015-06-24 02:31 (UTC)

I'm attempting to test out of a work module for the third time tomorrow, and I'm really fucking anxious about it. I miss little steps each time, and I'm so upset that it's taking me this long to test out. I've never encountered this in my life.

The crazy dude I've mentioned from work makes me so angry. Work has bent over backwards trying to help him. He was in a coveted career starting position (times 60) that some two thousand people applied for and he squandered it. And even when that wasn't a fit work tried to put him in a different position with different managers who have been doing their best to raise him up. Expensive training sessions, free therapy, legal guidance and he's just... Squandered it. Not showing up for weeks on end, disrespectful behaviour (sexist comments or swearing at work, won't take responsibility for himself and got mad when called out or told he's done a mistake which isn't a big deal it can be fixed!) I'm not sure he's employed here anymore.

But now there are two teams understaffed because he's squanders it. I think work is still trying to help out but he has really burnt his bridges here and it makes me so mad. He will never be able to get a career in this sector again, he's nuked it from earth just because he couldn't get his own way?!

He's just so selfish and petty and a bit of a bully but he got so many chances im amazed and baffled.

So. Some significant background. My fiancee's grandfather got remarried a decade or so ago and the lady is a psychopath who wants him to leave every red cent to her and cut off every single one of his kids. He's going along with it, though because he's so old he can't think straight so he goes along with whatever.

This includes going to court and lying through his teeth to get the rights to my fiancee's parents lands. He was a well-respected member of the community so his word was more valuable than theirs. So they've lived in fear for awhile that their home would be taken.

Fast forward to now. Me and my fiancee live halfway across the country. We get a call a week ago about how her dad has terminal cancer, and then today, a real estate agent showed up and told her mother to get off the property.

Her mother has nowhere to go. Her family either doesn't care or can't afford another mouth to feed. We can't do anything. Her mother's disabled but "well enough" to not qualify for disability and when her husband dies she's have no income.

The world sucks.

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[ SECRET POST #3093 ]

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