[ SECRET POST #3156 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3156 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.


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03.
[Spider Riders]


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04.
[Shameless]


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05.
[The Mighty Boosh]


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06.
[Glitch]


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07.
[Fire Emblem: Awakening]


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08.
[Kaikisen]


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09.
[Kingdom Hearts 2]


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10.
[Yu-Gi-Oh]














Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 029 secrets from Secret Submission Post #451.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

This one is a total hypothetical.

If someone's been a bad friend or romantic partner to you and you're breaking it off, are you morally obligated to give them an explanation?

If your friend or romantic partner wants to call it quits with no explanation, are you being a asshole if you call them a dick for not giving you one?

Have you ever called it quits like this, or had someone do this to you?

[(Anonymous)]

Not morally obligated, but it is the kinder thing to do.

[(Anonymous)]

What about the rest though?

[(Anonymous)]

It's kinder and smarter. If you don't give an explanation, you forfeit your right to yell at the screen when idiot-ball characters say "I saw him kissing another woman! I'll never forgive him and I refuse to listen to any explanation!" when we all know fucking well it's going to turn out to have been his sister or something. You do not know for sure if you're in one of those plots that could be solved by people talking about things for five minutes, so you should talk about things for five minutes.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I think you are. If you don't give them one (even if it is just a text), I would consider you to be a bit of an asshole.

[diet_poison]

text is an asshole but a bit less of one. Best way to break up is in person, or over the phone if in person isn't feasible.

I broke up with someone over Facebook once but it was only because he did the above - completely shut me out and stopped talking to me - and I waited like three weeks including messaging him to say "we should talk about this" before deciding I was tired of dating a brick wall. (I don't know why he didn't dump me himself. In all honesty I think he is, or at least was, a coward.)

[(Anonymous)]

No, times 3.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think you're morally obligated, but it's a total dick move not to. I've never not given or been given a reason when I've had relationships end.

[(Anonymous)]

Hold up, how do you say something is a dick move but then say it's not a moral obligation to do otherwise? Wouldn't it be a moral obligation if it makes you a dick to not do it?

[(Anonymous)]

First question: Not necessarily? It depends upon what they did and whether they acknowledge it and its effects on you at all, imo, and how much of your life you shared together. At one extreme, someone's an abusive dickhead, just cut them out of your life, get the fuck out of there. At the other extreme, someone's sorry and you love each other but you've given them too many chances, tell them why you're breaking it off and wish them well for the rest of their life.

[sarillia]

I don't want to say that it's universally moral or immoral. But I do know that I want an explanation. I had a friend stop talking to me for several months without saying why and I kept pressing her until she told me. Maybe I shouldn't have done that but I felt better when I got my answer.

[(Anonymous)]

Morally obligated? No. I think giving an explanation is the courteous thing to do, but it's not so serious as to enter the ethical or moral arena.

Giving them an explanation is potentially helpful to both them and to any future friends/partners of theirs, so you should if you can. If you can't without hurting yourself (because of issues with them or issues with you), then you can't, and take care of yourself.

I guess I'd rank it kind of like... picking up your trash from a picnic. It's the best thing for the community, but sometimes you're being chased by a bear and have to clear out.

As for the second question, you might be an asshole if you call them a dick for not giving you one, but you're not an asshole if you say the lack of explanation has left you very hurt and confused. (I-statements ftw.)

[caerbannog]

No.

Yes. You can ask but they're not obligated to answer so calling them a dick is not cool.

Yes and not sure.

[fingalsanteater]

I don't know about morally obligated, and I also think it depends on the reason and the length of the relationship. Like, if you've been dating someone a few weeks and you're just not feeling it, I don't think it's too awful to not give a reason. But, if you've been dating someone a long time and there is something that was the straw that broke the camel's back, I think you should explain your position and why you want to end things instead of just running out. (If the person had been abusive, however, I don't think you should explain shit. Just get out asap.)

[(Anonymous)]

1. No. 2. Yes. 3. No.

[intrigueing]

Like 99.9999999999% of everything in life


It depends on the specifics of the situation.


Sorry, I guess it's human nature to want to make a set of one-size-fits-all rules to apply everywhere at all times so that we don't have to go through all that frustrating and messy critical thinking, but it ain't gonna happen.

[(Anonymous)]

Huh. I've been broken up with once, and have broken up with numerous other romantic partners. In none of these situations was any explanation given; I think both parties had a sense it wasn't working out for whatever reason. Hell, sometimes it just petered out, aka I stopped calling or he stopped calling or we stopped calling each other. Maybe we're all dicks.

[kallanda_lee]

Morally obligated might go a bit too far, but yeah i do think you're a bit of an asshole if you don't give an explanation, especially if this was a long-term thing.

[herpymcderp]

Not morally obligated, but it might be kinder to them as well as the next person to let them know what prompted you to call it quits.

This is not to say that what you tell them has a very good chance of changing their behaviour (it likely won't) but it probably will leave them less embittered than simply breaking it off with no warning and no explanation would.

Yes.

[chardmonster]

If someone is shitty to you they deserve to know how or why. This won't improve their behavior, but shitty people would be told they're shitty.

If they aren't shitty but you don't feel like they deserve an explanation because that's hard for you, you are the shitty one. Fuck you in particular.

[elaminator]

As with most things, it really depends on the circumstance.

I think in most cases giving an explanation will help them find closure (that goes for you as well). Sometimes not having that closure can be damn painful and leave you eternally wondering "what went wrong?"

But I don't think you're obligated, it's just the more thoughtful thing to do. In some cases I would even advise against it.

For example, if you're in an abusive relationship...you owe that shit nothing, and you shouldn't feel the least bit guilty for cutting them out of your life completely. However, it could also be best to make sure they know why you don't want to see them again, so they won't try to contact you again. That said, they might not respect your wishes anyway. Just be careful.

And even if a relationship isn't exactly abusive, if you feel the relationship is unhealthy and think or know the person in question is going to try to talk you out of cutting contact with them (and you realize you are susceptible to such things), then I find it understandable to not give an explanation. I mean, it could help them in their future relationships to know what went wrong and what they should change, but obviously looking after yourself is important too.

[(Anonymous)]

The only times when I've not done this is when the person has been manipulative and I know they'd have tried to pull the "can't we just talk" to try and force me to change my mind. I was just too exhausted, and I wouldn't have changed my mind no matter what, so I took the easy way out.

Cowardly? Maybe. But too much is too much. I don't owe them shit. Chances are, if what they've done is too much to ignore, they're already aware of why you're breaking it off.

If someone's been a good friend/romantic partner, they deserve an explanation.

I've had to break a few bad friendships, but I've never gotten romantically involved with someone not worthy of my time. Thank god. Relationships are hard as it is.

[dahli]

You're not obligated, but it's better to give an explanation on why you're distancing yourself from them.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think anyone's entitled to any explanations, especially if they've been a bad friend or partner. People always think they're entitled to know why someone is breaking up with them in the misguided belief that they can argue their way out of it, or that knowing will somehow make them feel better... but that's just an illusion.

"It's not working out" is explanation enough, and frankly, if you're dumping someone that's pretty obvious.

[diet_poison]

I've had it happen to me more than once.

I'd say it depends on the situation. If it's an abusive situation, then you're definitely not obligated. If it's not really serious, it's not a big deal.

Buuuuut if it's a serious relationship with no abuse involved and the other person just drops off the radar? Yeah, they are being a huge dick. And yeah I think they owe you an explanation and it's fair to call them a dick for not giving you one. Reality is they probably won't if they're the sort of person to do that, but they're still being a dick.