fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3224 ]

[ SECRET POST #3224 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3224 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Sorry about early, have stuff to do!

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #461.
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I'm not sure if I'm putting this down correctly, I apologise if this sounds wrong, but I have a question based on No. 8.

Is there a value difference between Lesbian sexual appetites and hetro-male sexual appetites? I mean we talk about male sexuality being objetifying, and the Male-gaze is a big problem in media, but obviously OP of No. 8. is comfortable enjoying things made for the male appetite, even the really gross dehumanising stuff.

So, and I know the answer is "It wasn't made for lesbians, if lesbians enjoy it fine, but it was made for men to dehumanise women and therefore it's gross" etc but... I don't know... I suppose I'm curious if / what is the value differences between things men enjoy sexually, and things lesbians enjoy sexually.

I'm not sure I'm putting this down right, can you see what I'm trying to ask?

you're trying to troll by suggesting men are oppressed because we're ok with lesbian sexuality but not male sexuality. hth.

NAYRT

Nothing OP said implies that. They are asking what the distinction is - precisely what, in terms of content, is the difference between things that appeal to lesbian sexuality and what appeals to male sexuality. Which is an absolutely fair question, and everything beyond that you are reading into it.

The question I think makes sense but I do not have an answer.

Yeah, I've wondered that too. It's difficult to put into words because porn tends to be very visual and people don't often have the or words knowledge to explain visual queues, so I think anyone trying to explain it should use images.

A lot of it seems pretty stereotyped though. Like dudes only care about T&A and exploitation and girls only care about emotional warmth and cuteness. I mean I don't doubt that there's differences with preferences, but I also think that people are too quick to dismiss anything rauchy and in your face as male gaze.

Male sexual appetite seems to be more possessive, more objectifying, and more assuming rights not offered. Women are no less visual then men, though on average they don't turn on as instantly. But, at least in my experience, women are less likely to think they own people they are attracted to, less likely to view bodies as objects just their for their viewing and sexual pleasure, and less likely to just assume their rights to sex and arousal come with or without the other person's consent (taking pictures without permission, touching without permission, sexual comments to someone they see on the street, etc.).

Can I ask what gender you are?

I'm a woman.

Re: Question

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-02 08:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Question

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-02 10:12 (UTC) - Expand

That's funny considering how much rape and role play rape fiction is written by women.

Uh, not the same thing. First, my understanding is that rape play in general is more often initiated by the person imagining themselves raped. Second, roleplay and fiction are different than how people interact with other people in real life (and also different from live action porn since there are real people involved there).

Re: Question

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-02 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

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philstar22 - 2015-11-02 01:07 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2015-11-02 01:11 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2015-11-02 01:08 (UTC) - Expand

and most lead perpetrator are man, when it came to porn, erotic anime visual shit.

and i don't read my porn, because it is stupid, by comparisons.

But I'd argue that's not so much about sexual appetite - that's about the norms and practices around acting out that sexuality. It doesn't speak to male sexual desire so much as the understanding and the lessons that men have gotten about sexual relationships and how to act as a sexual being. Do you see what I mean? Like, I agree that the distinction you're raising here exists, but I think it has to do with patriarchal norms of how to act, not with what men are sexually attracted to.

Oh, I absolutely agree with you. There is nothing inherent about it. It is all socialization and norms. Which makes it all that much worse because men don't have to be that way, but they are.

Literotica is full of the kinds of emotional, intimate porn that's supposedly for women, and a ton of the commenters are male.

literotica's also shit

But as a serious response: All that says is that that specific model for a distinction between male & lesbian sexual presentation is wrong. It's not in itself evidence that there is no difference.

If you just say that there is some difference, that's hard to falsify--how many different aspects of different kinds of porn are there to examine? I think the most you can do is examine specific models of how they might differ.

This might shock you but most porn is shit. There are plenty of dudes that read even the "good stuff" on Ao3 or whatever that do so quietly.

Re: I don't really buy it

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-02 02:24 (UTC) - Expand

I don't really know how to explain the difference, but the thing that sticks out to me about lesbian porn made by men and lesbian porn made by women is that, in the stuff made for women, it actually looks enjoyable. Like, in the stuff that's made by men, the women are in positions that display their bodies but are uncomfortable in real life, and the way they eat each other out just doesn't look pleasurable at all, and they have super ridiculously tonguey kisses, and tend to say a lot of things like "yeah, you like that, don't you? Oh yeah, you're a little slut, aren't you?" None of it is stuff I've actually done or would like to do. But in the stuff that's made by women, I can actually go, "yeah, that would be fun."

I guess it's kind of like how some guys think that when girls have sleepovers we all strip down to our underwear and have pillow fights? Lesbian porn made by men is what they wish lesbian sex was like, not what it's actually like.

But then the question to me is, does that have to do with anything fundamental about the male sexual appetite or is it simply a result of, you know, the porn world being shitty at making porn and full of shitty dudes, or whatever. Is that a fundamental thing or an accident.

I think it's too cyclical to be able to separate the two. the influence of what a man sees in porn as he's developing his sexuality and during his young adulthood isn't something you can really "undo" in order to see if he'd innately be into degrading porn if he hadn't grown up with degrading porn. I'm an optimist so I'd say it's probably that beyond the urges being more frequent and intense (as a result of more testosterone, obv), the male sexual appetite probably isn't inherently degrading, objectifying, rapey, etc, and that the majority of that shit comes from our culture and how we've framed male/female relationships for hundreds if not thousands of years.

Re: Question

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-02 05:38 (UTC) - Expand

As a lesbian who has watched, done, and even written - for a given value of writing - and directed a few videos, I can tell you it's bullshit. There is types of porn made by women the way you describe it, but trust me, we love the filthy shit too.

Half the porn - maybe not half, but a good chunk of it - where the woman "looks uncomfortable" and there's the sense that the fucking is rough and only fun in a physical sense is made by women who enjoy it. I think people would probably be inclined to write it off as "Oh a man probably made that for other men" without needing to look into it, and then people's idea that women aren't like that and men are is strengthened.

Let me assure you, I like to see a woman devastated by a good fucking as much as any man you care to name. I want to see a woman get deconstructed by a hard, uncomfortable fucking. Hell, I'd like to be that woman. And there's not a god-damn thing wrong with that. So to answer OP's question, when sex is just seen as "bad" and "anti-woman" by the people watching it not having it, it's blamed on men. When it's seen as "healthy" and "Good" and "Empowering" - which is such bullshit. Any sex you enjoy is empowering, and that sex requires zero approval from the people not having it - it's attributed to women.

make those softcore to hardcore.

from those hardcore, whatever....

good luck...

Re: Question

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-02 19:50 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2015-11-02 21:01 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2015-11-03 02:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Question

(Anonymous) - 2015-11-03 08:03 (UTC) - Expand

it has nothing to do with "sexual appetite" and everything to do with how they express their sexuality

I'm an actual lesbian and no, I don't see a difference. There's nothing wrong with either men or gay women finding sexual pleasure in a woman's body, but there can be wrong ways in how that is expressed.

And I can assure you, I've known more than a few lesbians who dehumanize hot chicks, treat them like crap, and are generally even more disgusting that a misogynist because they think that they can get away with it just because they are gay.

well, thanks for the heads up.

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