fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3265 ]

[ SECRET POST #3265 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3265 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #467.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2- not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hi! I don't usually post logged-in because I'm so afraid of making grammar mistakes in every comment and being pegged as that-annoying-person-who-can't-speak-english for that so I prefer to stay anon instead, but I need help.
I need a beta to correct my phrasing on a couple of short one-shot. I've asked on

beta_search but to no avail yet. Where else could I find one? Could someone please give me hand?
Thanks!

Won't beta for you because I kinda suck at the whole writing and grammar thing. But English's my first language and I make mistakes in most of my comments. I used an account for a while and one gave me crap about it. imo as long as you can understand what the person's saying it's all good and you've definitely got that down.

I get wanting to stay anon, though, so no pressure.

*no one

lol

Seconding the anon above, you probably won't be looked down on for bad grammar or anything here, particularly if you're obviously making an effort to be understood. Most of the time people just assume you made a typo or something, so don't be shy if you don't wanna be :)

Are you in a hurry for a beta? I'm kind of in demand for a few days, but I might be able to help later next week if nobody else can help you in the mean time.

Thanks!

No, not much of a hurry: it's for

genprompt_bingo so no deadline per se to be met (though I wish I could post my first bingo before the end of the year if possible, but it can wait until Janaury or even longer.)

can't help you, but I'm seconding your question. I need to find someone to read my yuletide fic later :/

When do you need the fic done? I won't be free up until the 19th, so I don't know if that's too far a date for you :/

I don't have a deadline; I kind of hoped to have it done within the next two weeks but it can wait longer, if other people who do have deadlines for Yule/Christmas/etc exchanges take up every available beta slot.

I'd be happy to beta grammar and language as long as you aren't giving me anything with a word count >1000.

I won't be available to comment at length on anything but spelling and grammar (I don't have that much time at the moment), but I'd be happy to red line your draft.

They're all under 1000. Longest is 750 words, I think. ~~I'm a bit ashamed of writing such short pieces, I just don't do long stuff, but hey, at least it's faster to read?~~

Thanks for the offer! If you still accept to have a look, details and links to the fics are here:
http://beta-search.livejournal.com/452214.html

Grammar/language beta? I could probably do that. When would you need it done by?

Thank you! I know the end-of-the-year is usually a tight period, with all the fic exchanges and people being on vacation, and I don't exactly have a deadline, but I'd like to have it done within the next couple of weeks? If it takes longer, no problem, I can wait. (Honestly, I don't know how long it really takes to go over the kind of mistakes I may commit. ~~I'm starting to fear people will take a look at one of my fics and want to spork out their eyes and go "nope in fact I can't do that at all, not within a month, not within a year, never ever".~~)

Well I'm not doing any fic exchanges, I don't work outside of the house, my kids are old enough to take care of themselves, and I'm mostly done with my holiday shopping. So I've got time! If you want to PM me some links or copies of any of your fics, I'd be more than happy to look at them.

I don't know anything about Discworld or How to Train Your Dragon, I know a little about Penguins of Madagascar, and am a big fan of both Avatar and FMA. But if it's just grammar/language, I'll look over any fandom.

OK! If you're still up to the offer, details and links to the fics are here:
http://beta-search.livejournal.com/452214.html

I have prior experience fixing grammar for non-native speakers in the MLP fandom. What fandom are you writing for?

That would be really helpful!
No MLP (yet), but Avatar: the Last Airbender, Discworld ~~whyyy did I take on such an ambitious fandom? I shouldn't have, I really shouldn't have~~, FullMetal Alchemist, How To Train Your Dragon, and The Penguins of Madagascar.

I'm only partially familiar with those, but I can give it a try. I'll start off with the How to Train Your Dragon, since that's the one I watched most recently. Drop me a PM with links, and I'll see what I can do.

OK!
I'm not sure I can send a PM with an openID and I'm a bit shy about using my DW account out of the blue, but here is the link to the HTTYD fic:
http://malurette.dreamwidth.org/2544908.html
[Gobber, Stoick/Valka|set during the second movie]

If you ~~don't want to claw your eyes out~~ still accept to have a look at the other ones after, details and links are there:
http://beta-search.livejournal.com/452214.html

Damn, I haven't seen the second movie yet.

As always with my edits, these are just suggestions. Feel free to push back or suggest alternate approaches.

next Chief. But Stoick fell in a desperate fight, and now they're alone and stranded in the middle of nowhere, so they need to make the funeral

What do you mean by "wreckage"?

plenty of dry wood,

Hiccup still has

With the dragons and the army gone,

You seem to be going for terse, clipped phrasing, like it's difficult to find words for the sorrow of Stoick's death. There are points where it's too clipped, but I'll generally respect it even where it's slightly grammatically incorrect. No one will care too much.

Stoick is laid to rest

Gobber places it reverently on

hammered from half

I'm struggling with the helmet paragraph--it feels like there are too many commas, but it's hard to reduce them without large changes. Maybe Seeing the Queen Dragon five years ago, hearing Hiccup and Astrid explain how the monster would force other dragons to feed it what they had caught, reopened Stoick's wound. Now he

son slew the monster, freeing the other dragons and ending the war, didn't bring him peace, but at least gave him closure.

You use the word "monster" a lot. See if you can substitute any other words at certain points, like "beast" or "fiend."

reunion. Gobber

"body" is repeated. A change might bring emphasis: standing alive before her husband's corpse.

For twenty years, he never, ever parted

stood by Stoick's side all that time. He

What exactly do you mean to emphasize with "how he was left to take care of Hiccup"? Are you saying that he tried to put on a brave face for Hiccup and not show his pain? I want to be sure before I make any suggestions.

house had burned down

possessions, but Stoick

helmet in order

him every day

hours ago did

Now the helmet is

his heart as I was unsure of this one. I think it falls under rule 3c here: http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/commas.asp

fell in this last

That's the first pass. I'd like to see how that looks before I make any more suggestions.

Do you know how to use Google Docs? I find it a lot more intuitive to suggest edits in that.

If it counts for anything, I thought this was well-written. I don't have the context to appreciate it, but it seems like it would really tug at the heartstrings.

First of all, thank you very much! I'm sorry I didn't answer sooner, I didn't have much time during the week, then IP-logging was on and I felt a tad uncomfortable pinning an IP to my ID. Also, I'm very sorry and I apologize if your were spoiled in the process for the second movie.

What do you mean by "wreckage"?
I don't know what you may have learned about the movie, I don't want to spoil even more. Without giving out too much, an armada attacked then retreated so I figured any ship they left behind had been damaged--not shipwrecked per se because it was in shallow waters, but... I don't know what word I should use, they're standing on what left of a battlefield full of debris on a shore.

Re: "monster" and "body"; in my native language I would have avoided repetiting the same word but I was under the impression--maybe mistaken--that in English it didn't matter as much? But I can change it, of course.

What exactly do you mean to emphasize with "how he was left to take care of Hiccup"? Are you saying that he tried to put on a brave face for Hiccup and not show his pain? I want to be sure before I make any suggestions.
That Stoick was on his own to raise Hiccup as a single parent--while still taking care of the entire village and I didn't know how to work in that it takes a village to raise a child, with disastrous results with Hiccup, or that Gobber maybe stepped in as a honorary uncle or something ~~and argh, run on sentence, where do I stop?~~

Do you know how to use Google Docs? I find it a lot more intuitive to suggest edits in that.
Nope, sorry, I don't.

If it counts for anything, I thought this was well-written. I don't have the context to appreciate it, but it seems like it would really tug at the heartstrings.
Thank you so very much, for the beta, the suggestions and the kind words. I hope you can see the second movie someday!

In leaving, Draco's army has left behind nothing but wreckage.

Some of the paragraph spacing is screwed up.

their reunion. Gobber Did I already suggest this one?

mourned silently, how he stood strong for Hiccup and didn't show his pain. Working in something about how he failed Hiccup as a parent seems like it would be a distraction at this point.

That's the second pass.

For future reference, it feels like there are too many commas. It would be good to experiment more with sentences that don't use commas. I'd leave that for another time, though--this feels good enough as it is, and I don't want to mutilate it too much.

I'll look at the Fullmetal Alchemist one tomorrow.

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[ SECRET POST #3265 ]

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