[ SECRET POST #3404 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3404 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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18. [SPOILERS for Bleach]




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19. [SPOILERS for Sleepy Hollow]




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20. [SPOILERS for Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma]




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21. [WARNING for incest, rape/non-con]





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22. [WARNING for sexual assault]

















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #486.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Question for OP

[(Anonymous)]

I already replied saying kids aren't necessarily entitled to their parents' love. On the other hand, I don't know why anyone would have kids if they suspected they couldn't love them. And I'd also wonder why they didn't, at least after the first few months when the "oh god I would do anything for an uninterrupted night's sleep" thing maybe starts to ease up. Like, one of the reasons I'm not trying for kids is that I'm not sure I would love them, and that would suck for them and probably for me since I'd feel guilty knowing I was hurting them.

So since you seem to be interested in the mother-child bond thing specifically, why do you, OP, think women would have kids if they didn't love them? (Not that I don't think dads should get a free pass). Also postpartum depression can fuck with new moms hardcore so if this is a personal thing and you expected to love your kid and can't, I'm sorry and I hope you can get some help for that because it probably sucks for you.

Re: Question for OP

[(Anonymous)]

Haha, I keep copy pasting all over this thread because people are asking the same questions.

the specific example I had in mind was the scenario of a mother who doesn't love her child since one of my coworkers confessed to me that she's afraid she won't love her baby once it's born and she doesn't particularly love it now.

She is having the child because she wants a baby before she's too old - she's pushing 40 - because her parents are asking for grandchildren, and because her husband wants kids.

Re: Question for OP

[(Anonymous)]

Eesh, I feel sorry for your friend. And her offspring. I hope she's wrong that she won't love the kid, but I think people who have kids and don't actually want them are kind of awful. Hell, I think that about people who get pets they don't actually want. And I hope she has a few long, brutally honest talks with her husband and her parents, because their expectations that she love the kid might well make her resent them and the kid both. Parents who resent their kids make the kids into fucked-up adults, and the kid will pick up on the weird dynamic this is gonna cause. Hell, the future grandparents are so excited, maybe they should step in and raise the kid.

Re: Question for OP

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's difficult to know for sure whether you want a kid or not before you have one. More so because children are so different. What if you want a kid but the kid you get isn't one you like? She wants *a* kid for sure before she gets too old to safely have one, but that's more to do with having *a* kid in order to have a family and move into a new stage of life than *this* kid, and she's not sure if she'll want *this* one... it's complicated.

She was telling me all those worries earlier, I'd never really thought about them.

Re: Question for OP

[chardmonster]

On the other hand, I don't know why anyone would have kids if they suspected they couldn't love them.

because they were trying to adopt a puppy and the agency got confused and you can't just mail a kid back it's unseemly

Re: Question for OP

[(Anonymous)]

hi i'm not OP and I'm not like saying that parents should totally have kids they don't love or anything like that but this jumped out at me

On the other hand, I don't know why anyone would have kids if they suspected they couldn't love them.

and a few scenarios came to mind such as:

Because they live in a society where having children is expected and it never occurs to them that they shouldn't have children.

Because they live in a place where birth control is not readily accessible.

Because they did not consent.

like I'm not trying to make excuses for bad parents or say that anyone who doesn't love their children is a victim but these are real scenarios

Re: Question for OP

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, I should've specified that I don't know why anyone who had a choice not to would have kids they didn't think they could love. I don't think hubby wanting kids and parents wanting grandbabies is as dire as someone being raped, denied access to birth control, or even just someone subject to intense social stigma for not having kids. Like, yeah, it sucks that her husband and parents want her to have a baby, but I doubt her entire community would ostracize her if she didn't.

Re: Question for OP

[(Anonymous)]

Some Christianity sects still consider abortion a sin, and the having of children an essential part of being married at all. I don't think you're giving the societal pressure thing as much weight as it deserves. I know my cousin's getting shit from all sides because she and her husband have been married for four years now without having a child, and she's in her late 30s - it's not as bad as I've outlined above, but if she does accidentally get pregnant that's pretty much it, whether she actually wants the child or not.