fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3406 ]

[ SECRET POST #3406 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3406 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 056 secrets from Secret Submission Post #487.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Exactly, there is no rape culture that is applied to men.

I assume you're being sarcastic, both in saying that on the surface and in saying that persistence is rape culture.

No, I'm not. There is no rape culture against men, and part of the rape culture against women is the "No doesn't mean no" myth.

So what's the difference between courting someone (ie like someone above who said they enjoy playing hard to get in order to make the other person work for it) and the supposed rape culture in 'no doesn't mean no'.

I mean, if the person is just trying to make the other person like them, and isn't doing anything that remotely qualifies as sexual assault or rape or whathaveyou, is that a bad thing? How do people date if they give up right away when they like someone?

"Do you like me?" "No." *moves on to the next body in line* "Do you like me?"

NAYRT, but I would really appreciate men actually listening when I say I'm not interested. I'm too ugly to pull off the "no means give chase" thing, and yet guys still do it. Like, the fact that they keep trying when I say "no thanks" scares the shit out of me, because it's always "oh baby you don't mean it like that" while they corner me, and "oh, so you won't date [fill in the blank] guys" while they follow me in their cars, or just plain following me home on foot (I don't have a car) so I have to double back through alleys and shit. One time the guy followed me six blocks and finally said he'd leave me alone if I gave him a hug. I did, even though I was putting myself in danger, and went home and cried. It's like, if no doesn't mean no, what's left for people who genuinely aren't interested? Spikes that spray mace when someone says "hey baby"? Honestly, I'm willing to reconsider the guys that take "no" as "no," even if I feel like an idiot saying "I'm sorry I brushed you off, but you listening made me change my mind, if you still want to go out and don't think I'm a total nutcase that'd be awesome."

I notice you don't say anything about calling the police even on the guy who followed you. Why is that?

And I'd say be even blunter. Ask them what part they don't get, demand to know what part of their obsessive behavior they think is going to somehow change your mind, and basically force them to consider the ramifications of their actions.

wow. what is with this victim blaming shit.

you do realize that either of the actions you just suggested could put anon in more danger, right?

Edited 2016-05-02 15:36 (UTC)

None of that is victim blaming. If someone's house was broken into, nobody would call it victim blaming to remind them to call the police. Yet for some reason that one simple step is seen as wildly inappropriate when it comes to sexual things and that's disgusting.

Keyword "could" to your second thing. Really anything "could" put anyone in more danger. Saying that we need to confront jackasses really should be an obvious step.

But you wouldn't necessarily call the cops WHILE someone was breaking into your house, if you were also there. Especially if that person had weapons or was acting violent. (If they didn't realize you were there and you were in another room, that'd be a lot safer. I live in a studio so if someone broke into my apartment they could hear me from anywhere in the place.) They are likely to do something to try to shut you up until they can get away. Certainly if I woke up or came home and realized my house had been (past tense) broken into I'd call the cops right away.

Likewise, if a guy were following me on the streets I would only try to call the cops IF I could do it from a place where I know he couldn't hear me. I'd be genuinely terrified of how he'd react if he realized what I was doing.

Then AFTER he is gone and/or I get to safety I would call them.

Saying that we need to confront jackasses really should be an obvious step.

So if an adult man was following me, all of 5'3" and ~150-160 lbs of not-muscle, on the streets I should confront him, yeah? That'd solve the problem and make him go away, right? Are you fucking serious.

AYRT--if I could force these guys to do anything, I wouldn't have been in danger. As for "why not call the cops?" response time generally sucks and I don't even live in a shifty area. I've called cops before, on family, at work to protect customers, on prowlers, and it takes >10-30 minutes for them to show up. Plus cops are an "in case of emergency, break glass" thing. It's how I was raised. If any of the creeps ever pulled out a knife or gun, I would've called. I have before; that's how I know response time sucks.

I can corroborate this. I once witnessed what looked like a mugging and potential kidnapping and it took 10 minutes for the cop to show up; the people involved were long gone.

So tackle that problem too. And there's usually going to be a non-emergency number you can call once you're in a safer situation.

Oh for fuck's sake. So men don't get accused of rape when they're the victims? They don't get laughed at as weak? They don't get told that men can't possibly be raped? They're not forced to pay child support for their rapist's kids?

To say nothing of how prison rape (the place the term "rape culture" came from) is considered a punchline.

Yeah that really says that men can't possibly be victimized. Holy shit how can you be so ignorant and heartless?

The only rape culture in western countries exists towards men.

...?

As in: Nobody in their right mind would cheer on a male rapist of a woman. People are generally aware that rape is a heinous crime and must be punished. Rape is basically regarded as the worst crime of all, and by not a small number of people, even worse than murder.
Male victims, especially if raped by women, get completely ignored. People generally pretend that male rape doesn't exist. And if a woman rapes a man, she gets cheered on in a lot of cases while the victim gets only ridicule.

So if we take the general rule that rape culture means a culture in which rape is normalised, accepted or even encouraged, women generally don't suffer under a rape culture in most western countries (which doesn't mean they don't get raped, obviously .It's just not, by its definition, a rape culture).
Men, however, definitely face a rape culture (against them) in western countries.

That's very naive. It's not entirely untrue, but you're leaving out a lot of really important information, such as: rape against women is often very narrowly defined, female rape victims are often questioned in such a way as to try to pin the blame on them, women are physically less able to defend themselves from male rapists than vice-versa, and other factors. It's not as simple as you've outlined. Men and women face a different set of problems when it comes to rape, but it's not exclusively a male problem. That's just as silly as trying to claim men don't get raped at all.

Yes, most people see male-on-female rape as heinous...when it's a creeper jumping out of the bushes and pushing a gun up against a pure, innocent woman's head. Most rape doesn't look like that.

The naive one is you.
Male rape is ignored completely if it's not penetrative sex. It's often not even counted as rape if he doesn't have anything forcibly rammed up his ass. So it's even more narrowly defined. Male rape victims are questioned, yes, but of course they are, it's a normal procedure in crime of all kinds. Male rape victims are not even questioned in the first place because everyone just laughs in their faces and dismisses them without ever considering what they say is true. And where female victims might be less physically strong, female rapists usually use other means to put pressure on their victims. And male victims rarely fight back because that would automatically make them seem like the aggressor. Not to mention that most male victims don't even know they are being raped because they are taught that those things can't possibly happen to men (and yet it's not any less traumatic for them).

So yeah, I think the rape culture for men is much worse than the one for women (which I don't agree exists at all in western countries in the way it's defined).

And no, most people don't just think the stereotypical rapist from the bushes is evil, but sure, believe what you want.

Sooo bringing up specific problems men face when it comes to rape doesn't erase the problem women face. Why are you so determined to throw women under the bus?

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-04 04:57 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

diet_poison - 2016-05-04 12:58 (UTC) - Expand

I assume they're our resident radfem/MRA troll.

diet's not radfem.

I was referring to the anon who replied to diet.

technically rape culture applies to everyone, that's how it permeates a culture

the majority of victimization (though not all) as a result of rape culture falls on women though

Statistics show that it's about even, and that's when men speak up.

Go away. That's not what I said and not what I meant and I think you know it.

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