fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3419 ]

[ SECRET POST #3419 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3419 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Shingeki no Kyojin]

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["Seitenkango, Shinyuu to" by Eroe]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #489.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And why is it a big deal?

Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which a victim is manipulated into doubting their own memory, perception and sanity. It is a big deal because it is abuse.

When one partner (usually male) tricks the other partner into thinking she's insane or otherwise mentally compromised so that she'll let him make her decisions for her and then be grateful that she has him looking out for her. It should be obvious why this is a big deal.

It is so, so annoying that you bring gender into this for literally no reason. I get that you are trying to get a reaction out of someone, but jeez. Are you the anon from above who was causing trouble?

NA

It usually is that particular dynamic and gender, tho. I know it's not really a gendered issue because women can do it, but you have to admit men do do it so much more than women.

Re: Whats Gaslighting?

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-14 22:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Whats Gaslighting?

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-14 22:52 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Whats Gaslighting?

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-14 22:56 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Whats Gaslighting?

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-15 09:52 (UTC) - Expand

This can happen between anyone of any sex or gender, in any type of relationship (romantic, friendship, family).

I'll admit in the movie where the term originates from, the lady's husband was the one gaslighting. In real life, it's not limited to that.

"Usually male" is such crap in that sentence. Even if it's provably statistically true (which I doubt very much) it's irrelevant and tendentious to put it that way.

I'll add that it comes from the movie Gaslight (which was actually an adaptation but I'm pretty sure the movie is more well-known) where the plot is about the main character being manipulated into thinking she's insane and looking insane to other people.

Oh, I certainly didn't know it was an adaptation. It's been a while since I saw it.

It was originally a play (and the 1944 movie isn't even the only adaptation of it) but I've never read it so I can't say how good an adaptation it is. I love the movie though.

Excuse my movie nerdery.

Re: Whats Gaslighting?

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-15 08:01 (UTC) - Expand

It is an early form of street lighting where the illumination is supplied by lamps plumbed into town gas lines. Each light has to be turned on individually at dusk (and off at dawn) by a gaslighter who must -by means of a long pole- turn on a gas tap and ignite the gas flame in the shade. It is a big deal because it is very expensive, man power intensive, and prone to exploding violently if the tap or flame hood gets damaged.

Exactly right.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
http://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/what-is-gaslighting/
http://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/The_Con/gaslighting.html

Google is your friend.

It can make it really hard to believe yourself.

It was something my mom did to our family a lot growing up and it fucks with your mind. It took years of therapy and cutting off a lot of communication with her for me to really start to be able to trust my own thoughts and perception again.

I would constantly be SURE something happened one way, but she would be so passionate about how her version of it and so genuinely hurt by her own daughter "calling her a liar" and guilt trip me until I felt like an awful child because surely she wouldn't be that upset unless she really truly remembered it that way so how dare I try to press my own, naive version onto her.

I know it sounds like it should be easy to just ignore, but when you're in that environment for any decent amount of time, especially if it's someone you depend on emotionally or financially, it's really hard to combat.

This was the main reason I started keeping a diary as a kid. I wrote down things my mother said and did as soon as I could when they happened, so when she later claimed she'd "never done that" or "never said that" I had a way for me to confirm my own memories.

It is a routine police interrogation technique to get false confessions out of people, inducing false memories by placing people under stress and keeping on suggesting scenarios until the poor sap actually convinces themselves it happened just to get the police to stop so they can get some sleep and some fresh air (sometimes to even get to use the can).

If you're in the USA, always ask for a lawyer if you get taken in by the police for any reason, and be sure your lawyer is present before talking to the police about anything.

[*Option not applicable in Chicago or New Orleans]

It's a psychological abuse tactic wherein the abuser says and does things to make the victim doubt their own perception of events.

Examples of gaslighting speech:

"You're overreacting."
"I never said/did that."
"You must be confused."
"You're crazy."
"You were drunk/tired/etc."
"You're always making shit up."

Examples of gaslighting behavior:

- Moving or hiding objects and then telling the victim they did it.
- Changing plans without telling the victim and then insisting they were told
- Deliberately giving the victim misinformation and then claiming they misheard you

I've said all but the last on that list of gaslighting speech. I genuinely want to kill myself now.

None of those examples are inherently gaslighting. For it to be gaslighting, you have to be deliberately attempting to make them doubt their memory of something that actually happened.

If you were saying those things in a legitimate way (i.e. not trying to control someone) it's not really the same? It's a blunt way of putting things...

If you are doing things like that to contrl someone, take a good look at the behavior and change it. Don't kill yourself over it!

Take a chill pill first, then a few deep calming breaths. Saying those phrases aren't inherently bad, nor is it gaslighting. You're missing out on the context, i.e. saying those things in an effort to actively bullshit another person.

Holy shit, are your examples terrible. Like, HOLY SHIT. Those are some of the worst examples you could have chosen.

Just to START with, does it even occur to you that "I never said/did that" is also something a person BEING GASLIGHTED would say?

Whats Gaslighting?

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