fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3435 ]

[ SECRET POST #3435 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3435 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm the opposite - I find these characters the most admirable and mature.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you're going to be BFFs with someone. It's not even really about the other person always, as much as it is about you - it shows the strength of your own character, and I don't think there's much that takes more strength than forgiving even your enemies.

And if it's about me, then whether to forgive or not is my choice and mine alone. And nobody has the right to call me "weak" for choosing not to.

That doesn't have anything to do with what I said. Of course it's your choice. And people are allowed to judge your situation and actions as much as they judge anyone else's situation and actions.

It's not even really about the other person always, as much as it is about you - it shows the strength of your own character,

Backpedal faster, anon.

ayrt isn't backpedaling; they are pointing out that if you feel entitled to judge others, you don't get to say "No one has the right to judge me!"

if you feel entitled to judge others

Show me where I said that.

If you are deciding to cut someone off, you're certainly judging them.

...What the fuck is this comment.

If you decide to "immediately abandon" (OP's words" someone because you consider that they've "behaved reprehensibly," how are you not judging and condemning them? Please explain. I think you must have some specialized definition of "judgment" that is different from the one in general use.

uh

no?

I'm honestly baffled by this. If you decide to cut someone off because they've "behaved reprehensibly," how are you not judging and condemning them?

If you're cutting someone out just to make a point that you disapprove of them, you're being a passive-aggressive jerk. I'm taking the phrase "cut someone off" to mean "choose not to interact with them or maintain a relationship with them" which literally means...just what it says. You don't have to tell them why.

Since when does judging require that you tell the person? Labeling someone "toxic" is judging them, whether you keep that judgment under your hat or broadcast it to the world.

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diet_poison - 2016-06-01 15:07 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2016-06-01 20:25 (UTC) - Expand

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diet_poison - 2016-06-02 01:51 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2016-06-02 03:52 (UTC) - Expand

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diet_poison - 2016-06-02 13:23 (UTC) - Expand

It depends on the situation. In my fandom, Character A hurt Character B. Character B forgave, and Character A promptly hurt her again. Rinse and repeat and repeat and repeat.

I don't think Character B is admirable and mature. I think Character B is a moron.

Yep. And like I said in another comment, in my experience forgiving people is just giving them permission to do the same shit to me again. I refuse to do that.

You wrong me once, you're gone. I refuse to let people get comfortable treating me like shit because they know they'll be forgiven.

Okay, you're talking about someone forgiving someone who hurts them and additionally lying down and taking their shit all over again.

You can forgive someone and still not allow themselves to be an active part of your life, and it certainly doesn't automatically mean you take their bullshit or abuse.

Unfortunately, a lot of people have been raised with the idea that that is exactly what forgiveness is. If you forgive someone, it means everything is peachy again and it's as if the wrongdoing never happened.

It's bullshit, but that's what forgiveness means to a lot of people.

That's literally not what it means. Yes, it implies moving on from a conflict, it doesn't mean "keep doing the bad thing you were doing to me before" - I've never ever heard anyone seriously suggest that as part of the meaning for "forgiveness" because that basically implies that you don't think the person actually did anything wrong, therefore, there's nothing to forgive.

Then you haven't been raised in the environment I have, or other people who are treating it as having that meaning have. Growing up, that was exactly what I was taught forgiveness meant.

I was raised in a family where that's what forgiveness meant. I literally DID NOT KNOW there was any other definition until a few years ago, and then I was totally boggled.

It doesn't matter that it is "literally not what it means."

Some people's families raised them on the wrong definition. Period.

What is so hard to believe about that?

Nobody is denying that but there's some projecting of that experience to everyone else going on here.

If you mean that one not-sure-if-troll trying to project the dictionary onto everyone else and calling them stupid for not immediately unlearning the toxic definition they were raised with, yeah.

I mean the person/people who crop up in every thread where someone shares their definition of "forgiveness" and says "but not me!". I am truly sorry for those individuals' bad experiences, but it doesn't mean those experiences define the general consensus of what the word means.

ETA: I also don't see people saying "you must unlearn your experiences!". You can acknowledge one's experience while also acknowledging that it differs from the norm.

Edited 2016-05-31 18:18 (UTC)

I also don't see people saying "you must unlearn your experiences!".

http://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/1424530.html?thread=913409682#cmt913409682

You're welcome.