[ SECRET POST #3533 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3533 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #505.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

06. http://i.imgur.com/rb0Qrbh.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

That's fair.

[(Anonymous)]

Pregnancy and parenthood are less likely to be featured in a romance novel than in general (women's) fiction. Romance novels are about *romance.*

I don't get this secret at all. Does OP also avoid all novels that involve M/F couples who are pregnant and have kids if they aren't specifically romances?

[(Anonymous)]

It seems to me - and maybe this is off base and I'm reading stuff into OP that isn't there - that it's less an issue with stories explicitly dealing with pregnancy as a topic, and more that, for OP, M/F romances in general are intrinsically connected to romance? Like, the issue just pervades the whole genre for them?

[(Anonymous)]

Because a great majority of M/F romance ends in babies-ever-after.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'm not sure if OP is talking standard published romance novels, or M/F fanfic. I don't have much experience reading the former, but babyfic seems to be its own sub-genre and is usually marked when it comes to fanfic. However, if they'd rather avoid the whole genre, that will work too, even if it does seem like a bit of overkill to me.

[herpymcderp]

But what about the possibility that reading those fics (or writing them) might be a way to work through the issue? What about adoption fics or fics about m/f couples who can't concieve or fics about couples who are happily childless? Sounds like you are depriving yourself of a way to potentially heal a little bit, OP.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

That's very presumptuous of you.

(frozen comment)

[dethtoll]

Are you a psychologist?

[(Anonymous)]

Is it the romance itself that bothers you, even if there's no mention of pregnancy or having children? Would it make a difference if the couple in question had made a decision not to have kids, or if they were infertile and okay with it? Sorry to be so nosy, I'm curious as to what aspect of m/f romance bothers you, because I don't particularly like babyfic but it's not an issue in most romances.

[a_potato]

I'd say that's pretty understandable, OP.

But -- and I'm sure you already know this, but still -- there's a lot of romance that doesn't involve children at all, or that involves alternatives (e.g. fostering, adoption, etc). There are also stories that deal with infertility; it might be helpful to seek out those in particular someday, so that you can work through it alongside the characters.

Either way, that's a tough thing to deal with. These things usually get much easier over time, but I wish you well in the meantime.

[sparrow_lately]

Many good vibes to you, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

Can you just read fics where the characters use a condom?

[(Anonymous)]

I'm so sorry, OP. I can understand that-sometimes you need that sort of distance and space to help yourself deal.

[(Anonymous)]

How do you feel about m-preg?

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not following this secret at all. Especially when you consider that less than a 10th of M/F romances actually wind up with "babies + HEA", and the ridiculous prominence of mpreg. I mean, considering the latter have you stopped reading M/M too?

[(Anonymous)]

That's a lot of projecting there. Do you exclusively ship hetero? As far as fanfic goes, yeah a lot of M/F ships love their babies ever after. Don't even try to tell me they don't because I'll ship anything under the sun as long as the chemistry is good and I've seen enough to know fandoms love babies in their ships.

True M/M and F/F ships also have their headcanon love children that mix their features to create a kid (without addressing how it was conceived because it's just for fun) but I've seen a lot more fanfic go with them adopting or taking care of kids from a previous relationship than actual portraying a pregnancy between m/m or f/f pairs.

[arcadiaego]

I'm sorry, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

*fist-bump of infertility solidarity to you, anon*

While I don't have quite the same overwhelming reaction to m/f romance in general, I understand it. Because so much of the time, in media romances and in ongoing fanfic, it seems inevitable that the only way a het couple can truly be "perfect" together (according to societal norms) is to have babies. It's not enough for them to be happily in love with each other. Oh no, their relationship is not complete until a baby enters the equation! (I'm even seeing it in one of my current fandoms, where a 48 year old woman who already has a canon foster/adopted child is now in a long term relationship with a man. Suddenly the fanfic stories for their ship are all over the place about her having a miracle baby with him, or easily conceiving with IVF and I just want to bang my fist thru a wall. Yes, it CAN happen. But is it likely and is it at all in character for her? Absolutely not!)

All I can say is I hope it gets better for you with time - that either you end up coming to terms with being happily childfree/childless or are able to build a family through alternative means. And I also get that people who haven't been in that situation themselves have no clue what it's like, so sadly don't expect them to understand.

[(Anonymous)]

I think that's one reason I don't like it either. Also because I'm never going to be in a relationship myself and that hurts too.

[sadiesockmonkey]

I'm so sorry, OP. My condolences & sympathies to you.

(I really love the image you chose for this secret. It's lovely.)

[crossy_woad]

I'm sorry :(

[caerbannog]

Fair enough anon. <3

[(Anonymous)]

Sending you virtual hugs.

[(Anonymous)]

I have the opposite reason. I dislike most m/f romances because they end up having babies and DNW.