fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3539 ]

[ SECRET POST #3539 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3539 ⌋

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #506.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I honestly think the guy is being big baby.

She had every right to terminate the threeway for any reason at all. Or even for no reason. It was her absolute right to just decide 'I'm don with this now' and call the whole thing off for no reason at all and if he acted like this, that would just be stupid and childish.

That she gave him a reason, and the reason was for his benefit, there's just no reason to justify his childish bullshit.

Of course she had every right to call it off, but I'd be pissed off, too, if my SO was so condescending and disingenuous that they said it was for my own good rather than copping to not enjoying it themselves.

Someone else in the thread said it a lot better, but basically, she had the right to personal autonomy.

So does he.

Her right to personal autonomy means she can quit whenever, for any reason. But when she tries to reframe it as being "for him", she's denying him his right to personal autonomy, by treating him as a child who doesn't know his own mind/feelings.

I'd be pretty pissed if I were him too.

Found the comment:

"He was a consenting party. He is responsible for ending something that makes him uncomfortable, not you. You're babying him and it's inappropriate. No matter what you think you heard, it was never your place to decide what he was feeling and make a choice for him. You didn't respect his autonomy as an equal party in the situation. He doesn't get to say yes for you, and you don't get to say no for him. I would be furious with you if I were him."

Yes, but his personal autonomy can't overrule hers. So if she is worried about hurting him, or him being hurt she doesn't have to keep going just because he wants her to. She has the personal autonomy to nope herself out of the situation for any reason. the reason in this case was because she wasn't comfortable with the way he expressed his personal autonomy as a willingness to be hurt.

Just because you're in a D/s relationship as the D, doesn't mean you have to hurt the s even if that is their choice. the D isn't forced to do anything to the s, and the s can't force them by saying "It's not you that's being hurt so you can't say no for me"

DA

Hm, I'd say people are arguing two different things here.

A) Was it her right to terminate the action at any point? Yes 1000000%

B) Was it kind of a dick move to assume the boyfriend couldn't know his own mind and terminate it for himself if he wanted to? Yes to that too. To use your example of a D and an s, the D doesn't get to decide their s can't handle something unless the s has given explicit permission for the D to decide that for them. The D can say "I don't want to do that" and that is 100% in their right to say that. If a D went, "I know you can't handle it and I know your mind better than you do" I'd hope the s nopes the fuck out of there, quick

Yeah, if she was like "this made me uncomfortable, so I stopped it" that'd be one thing, but from the post + comments, it definitely comes off more like it was more along the lines of "you made a noise, I decided you were uncomfortable, I know more about your feelings then you do, so I stopped it".

She can stop at any time, but her claim that she knows what her husband's feelings were... Yikes.

How it reads to me is "you made a noise, I decided you were uncomfortable, I didn't know how hurt you were and even if you were going to be ok, I wasn't comfortable taking the risk, so I stopped it".

Fine. But if he insists that she is wrong, SHE needs to admit she was wrong.

No, she doesn't because even if he could have handled it, she was in no-way wrong to want to get out.

These situations require trust, and if she couldn't trust that he could take it, she was absolutely right to not force herself to take that risk just because of what her partner said.

What???? No. Do you not understand how demeaning that is towards another person who should be your equal? Do you treat your SOs like children?

NA

She is not wrong to want to get out. She is wrong to insist that she absolutely knows his mind better than he does.

Fine: Stopping it because she was uncomfortable.
Fine: Stopping it because she was uncomfortable because she thought he was in pain.
Not Fine: Insisting that she knows his level of comfort better than he does, especially after he says what his level comfort is.

In other words, it's not about the threesome or her stopping it, it's about how she cannot get over herself enough to admit that she does not get decide how he feels. People can and do make decisions based on assumptions about how another person is feeling, but they don't get to say they know how that person feels better than that person.

Her reason is stupid though and implies she knows what he wants more than he does.

Or it implies that she doesn't know what he wants or if she wants to be part of it.

If I'm with someone who says "I want you to hit me in the face with that iron, it'd be so hot" I have the right to say "I don't want to be a part of that"

What's not right is saying, "I don't want to be a part of that because you couldn't handle it."

No one is arguing about that. Are you purposely misreading? The issue isn't that she stopped. That is her right. The issue is that she is acting like she was stopping because SHE knows more about what HE wants than he does.

No, you're not getting it. In the hypothetical situation with the SO wanting to have her face smashed in by an iron, I have the absolute right to say "No I don't want to do that because I don't think you'll survive it" she didn't just say "You can't handle it so you don't get it" like she was a parent denying a kid ice-cream, she was saying "You can't handle it, and I don't want to be involved." which is her right. If I don't think you can handle driving a bus, I have the absolute right to get off that bus. If I don't think you can handle a threeway, I have the absolute right to get out of that threeway. Whats the alternative? Keep going and be proved right "Well officer, I thought he couldn't handle it, and I was right, but he said to keep going and now he's dead. What a bummer"

Why are you having so much trouble seeing his side of it? It's insulting to be told you can't handle something. It's insulting to have a lover decide your own limits for you.

And no matter how potentially risky a threesome is, it's not an iron to face or a bus driver without a license FFS.

I mean, with respect, I feel like there's a GIANT difference between "I don't want to be involved because this might cause LITERAL PHYSICAL HARM" and "I heard this noise and interpreted it this way, and instead of actually talking to you about it, I'm going to assume that I knew your feelings better then you did and stop it, also, it's your fault I'm stopping it. Because, again, I know your feelings better then you do."

It's her right to say "I don't want to be involved".

It is not her right to say, and continue saying "You can't handle it, you don't actually know what you want, I know your emotions better than you do".

She needs to sit the fuck down and admit that she's wrong about what she thinks he's feeling, and take ownership of her own discomfort with that particular avenue of play. She was 100% within her rights to end the threesome, but that doesn't make her whole "I know what's best for you" schtick anything other than 100% infantilizing horseshit.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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