[ SECRET POST #3588 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3588 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 62 secrets from Secret Submission Post #513.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

How are so many of you so enormously missing the point? It's not that they just didn't buy the book and/or weren't interested.

They said they WERE INTERESTED and they WOULD buy it, and then didn't. And no, I don't demand my friends spend money on me. I do expect them not to lie to my face.

[(Anonymous)]

They're willfully missing the point because they value politeness over sincerity. I'm with you on valuing sincerity over politeness.

[(Anonymous)]

the difference between having a diagnose and not

[(Anonymous)]

Huh?

[(Anonymous)]

That's a really concise way to put it, and it's shaken me up a little. I value politeness as well as sincerity, but you don't have to be insincere to be polite. Especially not in a case like OP's.

[(Anonymous)]

My guess is that with a wordy secret, not everyone read it thoroughly. I see a lot of people missing the point entirely, otherwise they wouldn't be finding it so controversial to suggest that maybe your friends shouldn't bullshit you.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry, but this is all on OP. Giving vague promises on an hypothetical original work doesn't equal a binding contract. Saying you're interested in a particular work on sale doesn't equal a binding contract to buy at at a given date. Fandom friends don't owe OP shit and OP doesn't owe their friends shit.

I often say I want to read my friends works, but end up doing it half a year or more from the date they post it. My schedule is tight, but I store things up. I have never thought that this would be a problem for the author, I have just thought that they would appreciate my kudos or comment when I finally got around to it. If they took the stance OP does here, I'd frankly laugh in their face.

We do nice things for our fandom friends when we have the time and can afford it, not out of any obligation. Never demand equal returns (who does that???), just be glad when people have the surplus of time and energy to think of you - for their sake!

Looks to me OP is even more self centered than what she accuses her friends to be.

[(Anonymous)]

Fandom friends don't owe OP shit and OP doesn't owe their friends shit.

Friends owe friends honesty.

[(Anonymous)]

Not at all, the world isn't that black and white. What is your reasoning for thinking so?

[(Anonymous)]

I owe you jack and shit. This is the kind of mindset that leads to people acting like if their friends aren't 100% paying attention to them and playing therapist 100% of the time, then they're not REEEAAAALLY friends.

[(Anonymous)]

Looks to me OP is even more self centered than what she accuses her friends to be.

Bingo.

[(Anonymous)]

people are superficial assholes, news at 11?

I mean, if this was the first time OP experienced the polite buttpat brigade, I'd be more sympathetic, but fandom is rife with people who give lip service and the impression of friendship but vanish as soon as their own interests aren't met. It's not like it's some kind of shocking phenomenon that we've never seen occur before, it happens all the time. If it's never happened to you or OP, congrats, you've had a good selection of friends all your life?

[(Anonymous)]

LOL @ "polite buttpat brigade"

[(Anonymous)]

I love it and will snag it for future use.

To be fair, human society in this country in general (not just online) has polite buttpat brigades in spades. So I default to not relying on any follow-up from them.

OP was setting herself up for disappointment from the get-go.

[(Anonymous)]

Saying "I would totally by that" is often a pretty idle statement though. It's something a person says to be supportive, not some kind of binding promise.

I think most people who write know that "Will I ever be able to get the story out of my head and onto the page?" is a huge and absolutely pivotal question for aspiring writers - a question for which the answer can often be "No." So people say whatever they can to help other aspiring writers surmount that first, incomparably important hurdle of simply getting the story out onto the page. Whatever happens after that...happens. Maybe they'll buying it, maybe they'll read it, maybe they'll like it, and maybe they wont. But no matter what, the aspiring writer wrote their story - they actually did the thing they aspire to - and that's a big accomplishment that can't be taken away from them.

[(Anonymous)]

Jesus Christ. This is not a case of friends being "superficial assholes". This is a case of people behaving completely NORMALLY for a regular functional relationship. You expressed a dream. They were supportive and encouraging in the way that people very often, and with entirely good intentions, are. I don't know how much time passed between their support and your publishing, but god knows what happened between then. People have lives. Maybe they forgot. Maybe they got a new job. Maybe they had a kid. Maybe they decided it wasn't their cup of tea. Who fucking cares?? If you published ENTIRELY on the basis that your friends would immediately drop everything to fund your project, you probably don't have the nouse to be publishing in the first place.

I am actually sympathetic to your situation because it sucks when you create something and it seems like it's going to die alone in a swamp. But turning on your friends for not spending the requisite money required to uphold your friendship makes you look baaaaad.

[crossy_woad]

They're missing the point because they want to be superior and act like an asshole to someone on the internet. I hate people sometimes.

[(Anonymous)]

I mean, why are you on FS then? That's 90% of what this comm does.

-1

[crossy_woad]

that's pretty shitty if it's true

[(Anonymous)]

The people I see acting 'superior' are the robots who seem to think people just trying to encourage a friend while also probably juggling a million and one other things in life means that those people are lying assholes. Like... people are human? They sometimes say things they think will make someone feel better without realising that person will interpret it as a legal moral contract, and if they flout it they will be 'lying assholes'??

I don't know, the people arguing otherwise come off as super self-absorbed to me.

[crossy_woad]

Some of us try to say what we mean and follow through? I don't know when it became "normal" to tell people stuff just because you think it will make them feel good.

[(Anonymous)]

No, they are of a different opinion and that doesn't equal being an asshole. It's a bit assholeish to say so, actually.

[crossy_woad]

Are you "never assume" anon? You just liek to turn everything around on people huh? have fun

[ketita]

Listen, one of the reasons I have a rule that I never share my stories with people I know (until I'm published, that is), is that 99% of them just don't care. After the 15th time where somebody was like "oh, I want to read that!" so I sent them a link, and they just never bothered... I got the hint.
People say stuff. That's all there is to it. I'm sure they didn't intend to be jerks about it. In many cases, at least with me, it's not even that they don't WANT to, but because they're not super interested in the thing, it's their absolute last priority after everything else.
Which is why I just don't send people stuff, and that's that.

And yes, it hurts. It hurts a lot, and it sucks, and I really feel for OP.

[(Anonymous)]

Okay but you aren't going on tirades about they aren't really friends and how awful they are and expecting everyone else to do the work for you when you produce something at minimum effort.