[ SECRET POST #3761 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3761 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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08. [SPOILERS for Berserk]



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09. [SPOILERS for Pokémon I Choose You]



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10. [WARNING for abuse]

















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #536.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

10. [WARNING for abuse]
https://i.imgur.com/b7uln3b.png

[(Anonymous)]

Well, to be fair, abuser and funny/cute/charming are not mutually exclusive. In fact, a lot of abusive people are funny, cute, and charming in public. So. Don't be too hard on yourself there OP.

[(Anonymous)]

This. Lots of abusers can be charming on some level - it's how they get their victims. If they were unpleasant assholes all the time, they wouldn't be able to trick people into staying around longer than they should.

[(Anonymous)]

+1 And it's also not only how they get their victims, it's how they make it so the victims are afraid to tell other people because they're so well liked. I've known many survivors of abuse who were afraid to say anything since they thought they wouldn't be believed.

Abusive people are often great at being "good people" to anyone who isn't enduring their abuse. They can have tons of friends and family who have never known them to be anything but amazing people, it's extremely creepy and hard to fight against for these reasons.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd actually bet Johnny Depp used to be pretty funny and charming as a person before he turned into a constant drunk.

[(Anonymous)]

It's because we're socialized to think like this. "Only men could hurt someone" is a bad and untrue message that doesn't actually help anyone; it's part of the many assumptions woven into our culture about men and women.

It's good you're remembering that yes, all abuse is bad.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think it's "only men could hurt someone" but more like "women are weak and therefore easily stopped" or something along those lines. Which I guess is about the same thing, but I think a subtle and important difference.

And most people don't understand what emotional abuse is or that it exists.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt
Yeah, that's a better way to word it. Thanks.

[(Anonymous)]

It's a mixture of "women are weak and therefore not that dangerous" and "men are tough and can take it if someone's mean to them".

[(Anonymous)]

"so cute and funny and charming!" is the way many abusers get people, though. If every abuser were an outright horrible person it'd be much easier to avoid them or hold them accountable.

I don't think you're a shitbag, OP. Shitbags don't have an emotional reaction they can't control then feel bad about it. A real shitbag would say "but that's okay, because she's a woman," or "women can't hurt men as much as men hurt women because we all know women are weaker," or "he probably deserved it" or "but what about the male abusers." Shitbags are shitbags because they justify their reaction so they aren't wrong, not try to fix it. I think you're fine?

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah I'll be honest and say I feel like people forgot she was abusive far too quickly. I saw people calling her out for a time but then they were back to using her gifs and watching Scream Queens and I just wasn't comfortable with it.

[(Anonymous)]

I think a part of it -aside from the double standard thing- is because we've seen her grow up from a kid

So when we see her, we think "Hey, there's that little girl from Unfabulous and Nancy Drew!", not "Hey, there's the grown woman who beat her boyfriend"

[(Anonymous)]

I seem to recall that all the evidence pointed towards Depp being innocent.

[(Anonymous)]

You mean the multiple videos of him screaming at Amber before hitting her or the multiple photos of all the bruises he left on her face and chest? That evidence?

[(Anonymous)]

No, not really.

[(Anonymous)]

Er, no. It didn't.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, not so much, unless you were just getting your info from TMZ. Then I can understand your confusion, and would advise you to seek out more reputable sources of information.

[belladonna_took]

I have no idea why but I have always thought she has creepy dead eyes. Her smile makes me slightly uncomfortable.

I agree with what other people have said about abusers being capable of being charming. I think it's easier for us to think of someone who hurts other people as less human or different in some definable obvious way from the rest of the population. It's less confronting than realising they're just out there living among us and we probably know them as friends or neighbours.

[(Anonymous)]

I didn't remember hearing anything about this, so I Googled it, and all of the articles I found when googling "Emma Roberts abuse" (like this one: https://www.google.com/amp/hollywoodlife.com/2013/07/16/emma-roberts-arrested-domestic-violence-boyfriend-evan-peters/amp/ ) seem to say it was a one-time fight where they were both hitting each other. (Other articles mentioned Emma had bruises showing a couple of days later.)

Is there more to this? Am I missing something? As a one-time, potentially mutual thing isn't enough for me to condemn someone for being an abuser, but I don't want to support an abuser if she is one. Anyone know more and is willing to share?

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think anyone knows more, but as far as it being "mutual" we don't really know that for sure either. Thing is I don't think we'll ever know the whole story since they are an on again/off again couple and men rarely come forward about being victims of abuse by women. She only even got caught because someone else called and he was visibly injured.

[(Anonymous)]

It was a one-time fight. They both were drunk and smacked each other. She has not done it again-- and neither has he. They've both regretted and grown up.

Fandom is so goddamn black-and-white, unforgiving, and holier than thou.

[(Anonymous)]

I was abused by a man and still love Johnny Depp's work.

Nah.

[(Anonymous)]

You just have some biases that are probably related to the subtle and not-so-subtle sexism that people are exposed to all the time. And the first step to dismantling your biases is realizing they are there. Now, you can examine why you think like that and start to try to change it.

[thewakokid]

I missed this secret last night, j ust caught it now scrolling past a pretty girl. But what did she do to Cole? How bad was the abuse - And to demonstrate that this isn't something unique to you and we all have this impulse to defend people who attract us and diminish their crimes I'll ask the question I was thinking, but otherwise wouldn't have said - What did he do to her to deserve it?

[(Anonymous)]

You seem to have read the thread I posted above (https://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/1601154.html?thread=956681602#cmt956681602 ), as you commented to a comment in it. But I'll repeat what the article I linked said. All that was reported was a fight where shouting was heard and when police arrived he had two physical injuries (one a bite mark), so she was arrested. She may or may not have developed bruises later. No one responded to my thread saying there was more or any further incidents, so that seems to be all that is known.