[ SECRET POST #3812 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3812 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #546.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[(Anonymous)]

No offense but I'd think it was pretty weird if someone got defensive just because someone used a nickname for them. I'm not a big nicknamer, but a lot of my friends have started calling me nicknames without asking and I took it as their way of showing they feel comfortable enough with me to do it. It's not really normal to consider that creepy, so you can't just expect people to know you feel that way about it.

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[diet_poison]

at the same time I feel very strongly about it, and I think people willing to do it without permission are willing to cross boundaries in other ways too. I also grew up being taught (if indirectly) that it's nice to ask other people what they want to be called. I never really saw that "giving nicknames without permission" thing go down.

It was also a shortening of my name that I really, really, REALLY hate (and it's not a common one - my name is kind of uncommon and isn't really ever shortened) and it sounds cutesy. :|

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[(Anonymous)]

I've never come across that before. My experience has been that when people give me a nickname it's generally because they like me, not an offensive thing. Likewise, if I object to the nickname and tell them calmly then I've never met anyone who was dick enough to call me something I expressly asked them not to.

On the other hand, if someone blew up at me just because I called them something meant as a way of showing affection then I would definitely think they were a dick and probably unstable. If that was what happened with your friend then I'm not surprised she took it badly. I appreciate you were both coming from different positions on this but it does seem like an overreaction to something that doesn't sound as if it was intended to be offensive.

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[diet_poison]

I'm raising my eyebrows a bit at "blew up" and "unstable", since those weren't part of the story, but okay.

Anyway - I mean, I guess that's part of my boundary - if I've only known you for a couple of months, and I don't know you well (we weren't close and had only hung out a couple times outside class), I don't want you to be "affectionate" with me. That, to me, is really weird.

I've known a number of people who have trouble with boundaries in various ways - the nickname thing is one, but there are people who just act overly familiar with you almost right off the bat, give loads of unsolicited advice, call you "dear" (and I don't mean in a southern dialect kind of way), etc. I do not like those people and the times I've tried to be friends with them haven't ended well. I don't think that means they're bad people, but they aren't really platonically compatible with me.

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[(Anonymous)]

I think people willing to do it without permission are willing to cross boundaries in other ways too.

I have literally never had anyone ask permission before giving me a nickname. I've had some people ask what I want to be called, but asking permission for a nickname is definitely not the norm.

You can have your beliefs of course, but I think you should be aware that you could be the odd one out so to speak, and expecting people to understand your reasoning and stance without explanation might be unreasonable, as well as immediately judging them for not having the same belief as you.

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[diet_poison]

idk maybe it's regional? cultural? I'm not used to nicknames just being randomly assigned, especially not by people you don't know well.

I don't know where you think judging came into it, though.

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[(Anonymous)]

1) Just because you're cool with it doesn't mean everyone else has to be, too.

2) diet_poison's friend might not have known beforehand, but when she found out, that was her chance to ease off and apologize for inadvertently creeping out her new friend. Instead, she doubled down and decided THAT was the dealbreaker. It's really, really obvious that diet_poison isn't the unreasonable person here.

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, sorry, deciding that someone who's going to flip the fuck out over a friend giving them a nickname is too much drama to bother with isn't unreasonable.

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[diet_poison]

"Got defensive" =/= "flip the fuck out" so okay

"I don't want to be friends with you over this disagreement" is way more dramatic to me so again, no real loss to me

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[(Anonymous)]

If someone who was a new-ish friend of mine got defensive with me because I'd given them a nickname, I doubt I'd stop being friends with them, but I'd probably settle my aim on being not overly close friends. (And I'm not even someone who gives nicknames!)

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, to be honest I would probably apologize (I've been taught to de-escalate as a first line of defense in most situations) but then quietly file this person under "takes some things waaaay too seriously" in my head, and that would likely color all my interactions with them from there on out.

It's totally fine to tell people not to call you things you don't like, but there are probably cooler ways to go about that, especially in a new relationship with ambiguous boundaries.

Re: Sad or stupid reasons you've parted ways with friends

[(Anonymous)]

DA, and I totally agree. People have given me tons of nicknames in my life, and even when I didn't particularly like the nickname I always recognized that it was a way of showing they were comfortable with me and liked me. It's definitely not a standard reaction to think it's creepy, and it feels like an overreaction to read anything negative into it.