fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4385 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4385 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Detroit: Become Human]

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03.

(Timeless)

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04.

[Ben from Simply Nailogical and Rich Evans from Red Letter Media]

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05.

(Netflix's Dumplin')

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06.

[Criminal Minds, season 3 episode 7 "Identity"]

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07.

[The Lion King (2019)]

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08.

[Thomas Middleditch]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 41 secrets from Secret Submission Post #628.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What is your opinion on a romantic couple's 16-year age difference (woman is 51, man is 36)?

Fine.

They are both adults. No issue.

This. He's not even a young adult.

This.

Based on nothing but that information, I wouldn't care enough to form an opinion

If we're talking IRL then I wish them luck as two consenting adults, but I'd be really surprised if it worked out as anything other than a temporary thing. I'd feel the same way if the genders were reversed. As a ficitonal pairing, I'm all about the age gap, but prefer older man/younger woman.

See no problem at all.

My uncle and aunt are that far apart (+2 years), only the other way around and they've been happily married for quite some time (over 30 years).
There are several couples like that in my parents' circle of friends, most of them without issues. The main problem is now, as they're getting on in age, it tends to be tricky for the older partner to keep up with the younger in some cases. But other than that, I see no problem. And the woman being older is actually the better version, considering men tend to die earlier.

It's totally fine.

I don't think there's necessarily a huge difference between 36 and 51. Both parties are probably firmly settled into middle age at that point, and any power imbalance is going to come more from things like wealth or their career than just from how old they are.

Since when is 36 middle age?!

Re: Age difference

kamino_neko - 2019-01-06 23:56 (UTC) - Expand

soldatsasha - 2019-01-07 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

philstar22 - 2019-01-07 05:21 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2019-01-07 05:38 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2019-01-07 13:55 (UTC) - Expand

philstar22 - 2019-01-07 15:45 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2019-01-07 21:36 (UTC) - Expand

Wait, I'll be middle-aged on my next birthday?! Sob.

That said, I'd agree that at those ages both parties are probably 'settled' into their lives in the sense that there wouldn't likely be a feel of a generation gap or anything that would cause a dissonance in the relationship like say an 18 year old and a 36 year old.

Middle age is not 36 btw.

For me personally I feel like that's too big of a difference but everyone else can do whatever they want.

So, like a reversed George and Amal Clooney (except their gap was a little larger, with him 53 and her 36 when they married). That seems fine to me.

It's perfectly legal but I'd wonder what was wrong with men around her own age (and ditto if the man was older in the equation).

Same. Yeah, it's legal, but I do feel like...I don't know how to put this nicely. Not that there's something necessarily *wrong* with someone who wants to be with someone who is much older/younger than them, but...I think there's most likely something...off in the situation.

I mean, when people are younger, sure. If we're talking a 20-year-old getting with a 36-year-old, absolutely, it's fair to ask "what's wrong."

But there's something that happens once you get to be around 30. There start to be much, much fewer differences between you and people who are older than you, because all of you have brains that have stopped developing, and all of you are going through similar things in life. You're all working. You've all got some kind of housing payment. You're all loaded down with responsibilities. You all have at least some idea of who you are, what you like, what you want, and where you're headed. Suddenly, gaps less than 25-30 years don't feel noticeable.

In other words, many people reach a point in their life where "my own age" is a category that legitimately spans 20 years. There isn't something wrong with them; it's that that person 16 years younger/older than them actually is, at that point, a peer.

(Anonymous) - 2019-01-07 02:15 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2019-01-07 02:46 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2019-01-07 03:13 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2019-01-07 03:32 (UTC) - Expand

ninety6tears - 2019-01-07 04:37 (UTC) - Expand

I don't see a problem with it. They're both grown adults who are probably pretty secure in who they are and what they want at this point in their lives.

Go for it.

No big deal. They’re both adults so whatever makes them happy.

I think 16 is still ok (although the example you gave is 15) but 20+ starts to get sketchy.

(Anonymous) - 2019-01-07 04:40 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2019-01-07 05:41 (UTC) - Expand

They're adults. They can do whatever the fuck they want.

That's a very general question. I'd personally say go for it since it's two consenting adults, but at the same time I wouldn't give the relationship great chances of success. Not just because it's a significant age gap, but because the man is still in that time of his life where he might decide he wants to be a father while the woman is nearly menopausal. The man will also be facing considerable peer pressure as his partner ages because of sexist double standards.

As long as they are consenting adults then eh. Good for them.