fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4413 ]

[ SECRET POST #4413 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4413 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #632.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Oh, I know. I could probably admit to being an idiot.

I don't think I count as an ass-hole as people above mention, tho, because I do try not to be malicious.

I think when you do it very consistently, and aggressively, and inconsiderately, without ever thinking about it or considering what you're doing, it approaches a point of negligence.

But of course, you're your own boss.

Well, I mean yesterday I told a lesbian I approved of her taste in women. And apparently the comment wasn't bad, it was my being male and making the comment that was the problem. I don't think this is on me as much as people pretend.

I am... perhaps somewhat odd. And confident enough, or at least adopt a confident enough persona that I don't feel guilty for how others see me.

I do not go out of my way to bum people out, and frankly I think a lot of people are looking for someone exactly like me to be offended at.

lol you don't see how pretending to talk to a lesbian like they're a dog who has pleased you is hella sketch and othering coming from a straight man?

Not really... It's just a bit. Do you think if it had been a straight man who made the secret I'd have talked to them any differently?

Do you think if it had been a lesbian doing the same thing it's would have been better?

Bad behaviour is bad behaviour. A lesbian doing something bad isn't less ad because she's a lesbian.

I treat lesbians the same way I treat any other person, and if your objection to that is "Well, other men are mean to lesbians" I say that sucks, but what the hell has that to do with me?

The comment was not "bad behavior". But a lesbian identifying with another lesbian in a silly way has different connotations than a straight man commenting on his opinion of a lesbian's sexuality, even in a silly way.

For example, seemingly similar comments and behavior were wildly different in intent, motivation, and effect when directed at me from an old, straight, female coworker and a young, straight male classmate. Not because I hate men or something, but because they had very different perspectives and expectations.

Do you think if it had been a straight man who made the secret I'd have talked to them any differently?

Honestly, I think it would have been weird if you had said it to a straight dude. It wouldn't have been as problematic but it wouldn't have been, like, a chill normal thing to say. To my mind.

“Who’s a good straight male? Is you! Yes it is!”

It’s almost impossible not to read as sarcastic but once I do... Lmao thanks I hate it

Well since there's no single word to mean "Straight male" and the term "Straight male" seems awkward to me, mostly because I only really hear it in negative contexts, Like when prople say "Stright Male" they tent to be using it to talk about why said stright male is bad and not worthy of praise... so I'd have probably picked a different term. Maybe something like:

"Who's a good dude with excellent taste?

Who is??

Is You!

Thas a good bro! Yous has very good taste!"

Actually! Thinking about this I have an example of something very similar to this fairly recently

On discussing BNHA, and finding out that the person I was talking to - who I did not know the gender of - ships uraraka x deku and is actively against uraraka x bakugou, I responded with

"Well done! For this act of moral superiority I will not, when the time comes, brick you to death.

You will be allows to live, on the understanding that when that time does indeed come, you will help me eradicate the Kacchako scum from the face of this earth."

uraraka x bakugou shippers get the brick, by the way. BOOM, Right in the back of the head.

So genitalia changes how you talk to people.

"How I talk to people" as in tone and intent and meaning of what i am expressing? All the important factors? No not in the slightest

"How I talk to people" in the clinical accuracy of the words I choose? yes. I would not call a woman "My good man" and would not call a man "My good Woman" Everything else stays as close as language allows.

Using this to say "You talk to women differently than you talk to men" would be technically accurate, but a weaselly distinction and lets be honest pretty disingenuous.

Oh, that ^ was me - Wako @ Work

Contextualize it however you want that you’d use two different terms of camaraderie that don’t address sexuality directly when talking to a man is part of why it came off as weird that you were headpatting secret OP’s lesbianess and not OP directly.

Oh, I see, you're talking about the difference between "Dude / Bro" and "Lesbian"

Fair enough but that's just a lack of information. If there was a a nice word for "Straight male" I'd have used that, as it is all I have it the knwledge that they're male, so I went with "Dude and Bro" they are not terms of camaraderie. I used to call dethtoll "Dude and Bro". If for example I was talking about... soldatsasha's taste in women, I would probably use terms like ""Who's a good Soldier boy" or "Who's the Russian with the great taste in women?! Who is it?". If I was someone else talking to Wako, I'd have used "There's a good Troll! Well done on the Taste in women, you little troublemaker". I know the OP was a lesbian, so I used lesbian.

You really are reading way way too much into it.

that seems like a weirdly oversensitive way of reading it, and that's coming from a wlw who doesn't even like wako most of the time
like people are just allowed to say 'you have good taste' regardless of their gender/sexuality and the gender/sexuality of the person they're talking to

I agree with this! The part that was weird was communicating that by talking to them like they were a good dog

This is my feeling on it.

I admit my phrasing might have been a little... unconventional, but I think it's known that I like to be playful. I'm a puckish rouge!

I think, even someone who doesn't particularly like me would expect my to talk the same way to everyone I speak to.

And apparently the comment wasn't bad, it was my being male and making the comment that was the problem. I don't think this is on me as much as people pretend.

I thought it was condescending and weird, and the gender dynamic probably exacerbated those feelings. That's how I personally felt about it. I can't speak for anyone else. I know I'm not looking for anything to be offended at, and it feels like you're using that as an excuse. But - again - you're your own boss.

Well, personally I think that's a wrong read of what I was saying, but I can't fault you for how it feels to you. You also are your own boss.

If it helps, I was going for weird, weird was exactly my intention. Condescending, not so much. Maybe playful would be more how I was meaning it.

And yeah, I don't think everyone is just looking to be offended, but I do think it's a lot of people.

It's not them, it's you. People don't look to be offended, you do offensive shit and then double down on it because apparently that's easier for you than either just disengaging or saying "sorry, I didn't mean it that way".

Incidentally, the fact that you pretty much never disengage or apologize for upsetting someone is what makes your claims that you're not deliberately being an asshole pretty damn unbelievable.

"you do offensive shit"

Examples?

Also "When I keep responding to you, you keep responding to me back! What an asshole!

If you didn't want to be an asshole you should just not respond to me when I respond to you!

Or at least only respond telling me I'm right and admitting that you're wrong and apologizing because really if you weren't an asshole you'd just do what I told you because I'm offended by the things you do and it doesn’t matter if you didn’t do anything deserving of an apology!

I’m offended so either don’t respond when I tell you I’m offended, or only respond telling me how right I am and how sorry you are, or else you’re an asshole"

That about the size of it?

Because typically I always have something to say... In response to someone elses comment to me. If you don't disengage, typically neither do I. Two to tango, fam

W@W

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[ SECRET POST #4413 ]

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