[ SECRET POST #4424 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4424 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 11 secrets from Secret Submission Post #633.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I have no idea what shows you're referencing so I'd love some examples.

That said, I think it's hilarious when 20-year-old women are like, I'm never going to have a baby and I'm never going to change my mind! It's like, erm, get back to me in 25 years then we can talk about "never."

[(Anonymous)]

This seems slightly dickish to me. At least, judgmental. Let people figure these things out in their own time.

[(Anonymous)]

The reverse does happen.

[(Anonymous)]

Definitely. At 20, I didn't want kids right then because I was still in school, but I assumed some day I would get married and have kids just like my parents and my friends' parents and my aunts and uncles. At the time, that's what I wanted. It wasn't until I was over 30 and started realizing that since marriage and kids hadn't happened yet, kids might not happen at all, that it occurred to me that I was really totally fine with that, and it was kind of a relief to come to this realization.

[(Anonymous)]

I had a college acquaintance who, at age 20, was so adamantly childfree she had surgery done to ensure she couldn't get pregnant. And she was absolutely outraged that a number of doctors refused to do it for her.

I don't know what she's up to today and I hope she's happy. If she still doesn't want kids, power to her. But I really can't blame doctors who are hesitant to do that kind of thing for someone so young.

[(Anonymous)]

Isn't this often, like, an endo thing?

[philstar22]

The thing is, doctors get so hesitant about it, they refuse to do the surgeries on people that need them for medical reasons. I was only recently able to get the hysterectomy that I needed because doctors kept not believing me about my pain and also believing that I needed to be physically able to have kids and that the ability to have kids trumped everything else medically.

[tabaqui]

I can. The patient signs a release saying they won't sue or whatever. It's not the doctor's job to preserve my freaking uterus for some random, possible future child.

[philstar22]

Sometimes people know. I've always known I didn't want kids. I've known since I knew what having kids was.

[nightscale]

I've known I've never wanted kids since I was 8, I didn't like babies as a child, still don't like them at 30. Some of us just know it's not for us at all.

[dinogrrl]

Ha yeah I have written evidence (two pieces, actually) that I had no interest in having kids way back when I was in first grade. I'm in my 30's now and that has not changed.

Some people change their minds. Some don't. Either way I find it better to support the person as they require in the present rather than make rather large assumptions about what you think they may require in a hypothetical future.

[(Anonymous)]

Just a phase, huh? Crazy kids.

[(Anonymous)]

Sweetheart, I'm nearly 30. I don't want kids. I never do. Maybe, just maybe, I knew I didn't want kids that long ago. Hm! Like how some people can know they're not straight back then?

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt but I think the point is 20-year-olds say a lot of shit about what they want in life and it very often doesn't correlate with what they want ten or twenty years down the line. The fact that you're 30 means you aren't 20.

[(Anonymous)]

I never wanted kids as a kid. Then I got to high school, my brother's girlfriend oopsed him into having a kid, and suddenly I'm helping raised an infant because her mother is a bitch who kicks her kid out for doing exactly what she did at her age.

If I had wanted kids at that point, I was quickly disabused of the notion.

Nevermind that the thought of being pregnant is extreme body horror to me. Like Alien except you have to keep the parasite.

[(Anonymous)]

OH thank you for saying that, I have the body horror thing too.

Also, babies aren't even fucking cute! They're ugly bug-eyed squishy lumps of flesh that often emit horrible smells and even worse noises. Eventually they turn into people and that's cool but I don't want to be around the larvae stage.

[(Anonymous)]

Completely agree with the body horror, I’m surprised more people don’t feel this way. I love kids. But the idea of growing one inside my body and squeezing it out a tiny hole sounds like pure misery.

[(Anonymous)]

Never wanted kids. Body horror is right wording. Kids are exhausting. I like playing aunt and then having time to myself again, no way could I do the 24/7 motherhood thing.

[(Anonymous)]

I think when a young woman tells you she's never going to have kids, you should either give her the benefit of the doubt (because it's respectful and it doesn't cost you anything), or at least let keep your opinion to yourself; let them assert this aspect of themselves without trying to argue with them about it (also respectful, also doesn't cost you anything). There's really no good reason for someone to barge in with their "You'll change your mind" comments. Maybe she will change her mind, and maybe she won't, but you're not helping anyone in any way by saying that stuff - you're just being an invalidating, condescending douche.

[(Anonymous)]

Yep.

[(Anonymous)]

This is true.

A lot of women will change their minds, a lot won't, and a lot who initially want to have kids might not, for whatever reason - whether it's their choice or it simply doesn't work out. At the end of the day, women get this crap and men usually don't, and we don't need to give women even more reasons to be self-conscious about their reproductive choices.

[chamonix]

Exactly. Such a simple thing, apparently so difficult. Respect people's choices, keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself. Maybe they will change their mind somewhere down the line and maybe not. Both are fine and require none of your input unless asked.

[(Anonymous)]

I knew when I was 13 that I didn't want kids. I'm 35 now and I still don't want them.

[(Anonymous)]

When I was 20 I often said I was never going to have a baby and I was never going to change my mind.

That was almost 30 years ago and I'm menopausal now. Guess what? I never did have a baby and I never did change my mind. I'm really glad I never gave into the pressure (and oh yes, there IS pressure) to have a child, because I know it would have made me (and the child) miserable.

If you think it's not mock-worthy when a 20-year-old woman says "I want to have kids someday" and yet you DO think it's laughable when she says, "I don't want to have kids," I think you should take a good long look at why you think that. Yes, women often do change their minds - in both directions. Sometimes women who want kids when they're young change their minds about that too! Either way it's still a dick move to laugh at a young woman's statements about what she does and does not want for herself. Even if she does change her mind, it's still a valid statement at the time that she says it and believes it.

[(Anonymous)]

That said, I think it's hilarious when 20-year-old women are like, I'm never going to have a baby and I'm never going to change my mind! It's like, erm, get back to me in 25 years then we can talk about "never."

Why is it "hilarious" to assume that people don't know their own mind/what they want? I've known ever since I was a kid when everyone else was fussing over dolls and calling them their "babies" that I never wanted to have kids. I said I didn't at 20, and now I'm almost 34 and didn't change my mind.

Sure, some people might change their mind, but there's no need to be a condescending jerk about it.