[ SECRET POST #5069 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5069 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 43 secrets from Secret Submission Post #725.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

Official advertise your fandom-related event thread.

RULES FOR THIS:
1. NO images bigger than 600x600 in either direction (banners, et cetera).
2. ONE POST PER USER under this thread.
3. What IS allowed: roleplay advertisements, fandom comms, fandom events, things like that.
4. What is NOT allowed: anything for profit, any kind of fic/art commissions, seeking 1-on-1 RP, that kind of thing.

[fscom]

Official clickables thread.

RULES FOR THIS:
1. NO huge images or columns of images that require scrolling, please.
2. ONE POST PER USER under in this thread.
3. If you're going to post, try to at least help the others.

[fscom]

General comments:

(If the thread contains spoilery/triggery content please warn/post as 2nd comment so it collapses!
Please collapse images, too!)

What do you do when

[(Anonymous)]

(collapsed for being possibly triggering)

Re: What do you do when

[(Anonymous)]

This probably won't collapse for a while!

Re: What do you do when

[(Anonymous)]

When you don't get enjoyment out of fandom anymore because everytime you start a fic, you're flooded with memories of every cringy or stupid thing you've done?

I don't get the same enjoyment out of fandom activity. I just think of every mistake I've made when I try to start something and I end up hating it. I tried starting over again with a new name on ff.net.

I honestly feel like my life- or my enjoyment of it has come to an end. All I do anymore is work, homework then sleep. Half the day as I work I'm trying not to break down into tears. I'm on medication but it never feels like enough.

On top of it all I constantly feel like I deserve this misery so I shouldn't bother resisting.

Re: What do you do when

[(Anonymous)]

Anon, if fandom is no longer a mentally healthy place for you then move on. Maybe try a different fandom? Or learn to draw instead of write? Or write original stories instead? Find something that you can still use as a healthy creative outlet.

And don't beat yourself up, nonny. Things are a global shitshow right now, weighing on us all - so if you have pre-existing mental health circumstances then it's going to hit you especially hard.

The most powerful way of dealing with all this crap I have found is to ignore the news, dump social media, and religiously let myself have ten minutes a day to write. I bought a notepad, I have no outline set out for my story so no pressure, and i'm not using my computer - I just sit down and physically write my story every evening. Seeing a physical project grow day by day is really cathartic for me. I have friends who are doing similar things with knitting, sewing, painting, etc.

Take care of yourself nonny.

Re: What do you do when

[(Anonymous)]

tbh, nonny, it kind of sounds like maybe you just need to try something new? Be it fandom or something else in life. Spend your energy on something you haven't had enough time to overanalyze. It might help with your perspective on your old fandom activity. If that makes sense. Don't give it up entirely just yet... just take a little break from it.

I can't comment on mental health status, and nothing is a magic wand to stop bad feelings, but I just get the impression you're burned out, or stuck in a rut. I don't know if work/school allows you, but can you take a day or two off for yourself?

If it helps, we all do cringy shit in fandom, even years into it, so you're not alone there.

The voice telling you that you deserve misery is a liar.

Re: What do you do when

[(Anonymous)]

It sounds like you may be seriously depressed, anon. I recommend getting therapy if you can and definitely talk to your doctor about the meds no longer feeling effective for you. Good luck, I know shit is stupid hard right now. :(

Re: What do you do when

[(Anonymous)]

I started learning a new language because I can see some progress no matter how slow it is. Listening to one song a day or learning a new word - a progress right there.
I also left fandom and read some webtoons and watched some TV for half a year.
Recently I got back into fandom. However I haven't picked up writing again. I have a half finished fic I somehow started a few days ago for a fandom event that I can't bother finishing. I didn't enjoy writing it so I decided not to force it. I feel like I won't like the end result and I don't really want to interact with my fandom.
Fandom is a large chunk of my social interaction and my main hobby so I feel you on equating dropping out of fandom to 'Gray and Hopeless'.

Rant thread

[(Anonymous)]

Because I need to

Re: Rant thread

[(Anonymous)]

Long covid anon here.

So i'm still sick and my job is in jeopardy, my sick pay has run out and now *now* a load of emergency building work has turned up in our house that needs to be sorted asap. About $50,000 worth - all of our savings and rainy day money and we're still going to need a loan and I haven't even figured out how we can live off just my partner's salary indefinitely, nevermind repay a loan....

To top it all off I have weird new symptoms that might be a sign of liver damage.

God just this year. God fucking damn it.

Financial stuff

[(Anonymous)]

The financial strain of this year has been astounding. I live in fear of losing everything. I finally got a job after six months of searching and it's the type of place where they truck in tons of workers from agencies, use them on the phones for about 3 months and then fire them if they don't make sales. At least it's full time but the caveat is that I don't know how I'll have time to interview for other jobs.

Re: Rant thread

[kribban]

My country (Sweden) is not recommending masks. The official position is there's no evidence that masks help.

This is the "Swedish exceptionalism" I hate so much. Did you guys ever consider that the reason we stand apart from the rest of the world on this is because we're wrong? Maybe we should follow Germany's lead? No?

Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

That you would like to share.

(And GO!)

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

My partner never buys me presents on my birthday or at the holidays. I wish it didn't matter to me, but it does. I don't even care if they're fancy or just a tiny thing. Just something that required a bit of thought to show me he cared. It's actually breaking my heart and I wish it wasn't.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

This whole pandemic feels like the final blow to my already bad mental health, and I genuinely don't know if I'll ever properly recover from this.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

I have this weird dynamic with my gay best friend that is not sexual-sexual, but also not non-sexual. (I'm female).

I'm unsure on how to actually explain it, other than to say that he's somewhat of an exhibitionist, and some of our conversations seem deliberately sexually loaded.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

Other than wearing a mask, being in a pandemic hasn't changed my day to day life too much, if I'm honest. I go to work, I go home. Most of the time now I do grocery pick up instead of going in, but that's about it. I feel bad for social people who are suffering from mundane existences, but not enough to think we should lift restrictions when cases are still so high.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

I have absolutely zero desire to settle down with anybody and it really breaks my mother's heart because she doesn't seem to understand that not everyone's greatest joy is to be a wife and mother. She seems to think it's some failing on her part and I really wish I could convince her that it's not, we're just wired differently.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

I'm technically bisexual, but sex with women is so, so, SO much better than sex with men that I exclusively date women these days. I feel weird about it because I still kind of want to "claim" my bisexuality even though I disparage sex with men; I also kind of identify as a lesbian at this point but I also don't? It's really weirding me out and making all of my friendships/relationships harder, because I just don't have any idea what to call myself anymore, and I'm getting defensive about it. Like, I get mad if someone thinks I'm a lesbian (which is fair, because I only date women!), but then I also get mad if someone insists that I've always said I was bi (which is also fair, because I have always said that, but I also don't like dating men anymore!). I just don't know!!

I've heard the suggestion to just call myself "qu**r" but I hate that word, so that makes me mad too. Ugh.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

It's taken me so long to really understand my feelings. Took me so long to really understand my sadness and insecurity and loneliness (and trying my best to manage my way through those feelings when I'm having hard days), now I'm processing my anger and it's different. Having never been good at dealing with aggression and conflict resolution, ho boy will it be tough on my next step with my journey through therapy. It's terrifying.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

I send Christmas cards to all my relatives every year, but this year I'm considering not sending one to a certain aunt who's been posting rants about taxes and petty, childish anti-liberal memes on Facebook ever since Biden won the election. Not sending her a card would be a completely symbolic gesture that would not go unnoticed and might cause family problems that I don't want to inflict on my sane relatives, but I so want to do it. I don't know if that makes me petty or not.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

[(Anonymous)]

My job isn't essential, but I'm glad I kept it when so many people have lost theirs.

But if I'd been able to stay home without worrying about money, I might have quit. I've taken so many more risks since I was called back to work and had to start interacting with other people more than twice a month at the grocery store.

I get rides home with people who've gone to weddings and have friends over, because all employees share a bathroom at work and spend 9 hours a day in the same room so it feels like I'm doomed no matter what. Maybe it's slightly less risky than taking the bus and trolley to work (which I also do) full of people proudly refusing to wear masks.

This week an employee from a location where someone else tested positive for COVID was sent to work with us without first a) quarantining and/or b) being tested for COVID. She missed the memo that someone at her work was infected, and when she showed up to work and found no one else there, and called in asking what happened, rather than send her home, they gave her the option to infect more people finish her 8 hour shift at our location.

Idk. I'm so sick of being terrified and so mad that I'm not allowed to transfer to the location where I could walk to work and at least not be in sealed cans on wheels full of maskless assholes, but I have a job with health insurance and paid sick leave so I feel like a selfish jerk for complaining.

Also I have a headache and stomachache and feel weird and shitty so now I'm freaking out a bit. Yay.

[fscom]

Games thread!